Many of us have been on a journey or have discovered past lives in a trance like state. Throughout the awakening process we begin to see where we have been conditioned or where we hold ourselves back. It would not be until I started undergoing a profound transformational process that I would be able to see that I never had an opportunity to truly get to know myself. I’ve hidden the diamond of my soul so far away due to fear of stepping into my own power and sense of self-worth that I became a shadow of my true self.
Knowing that you are different and supposed to live life on your own terms and living in a culture that encourages you, as a woman, to hide who you really are is painful and damaging. It is also, quite honestly, how I ended up in psychology instead of a some career that had something more to do with my body. It just didn’t feel safe to be anything other than becoming a highly intellectualized woman with a professional degree.
The safety component is the number one factor that inhibits most people’s pursuit to stepping into their personal power. Many of us are highly relational and will thrive in environments where we feel safe to open up and let go of our fear. This often means being in the presence of highly conscious individuals who can support the opening of creativity and sensuality of women. Most of us, however, will not experience what it is like to be in the presence of such an individual and, therefore, not truly ever get the opportunity to embrace who they really are.
I struggled with a lot of this throughout my years dancing tango. Dance became a way for me to heal and embrace my feminine energy and step into my sensuality as a woman. It had been severed through years of academic training and being raised in a family that did not value feminine energy. Yet, the dance floor was always filled with individuals who could not respect the boundaries or had the understanding that one partner had to provide the container of safety so that the other partner could help open the duo up to a creative collaboration.
At the present time, we have a huge focus on self-love. I think self-love is wonderful. At a certain point, however, we have to be able to experience safety and sensuality in relationship with others. We can spend years healing alone but the ultimate healing tonic eventually becomes the ability to be in connection with someone else and experiencing what it is like to step beyond the threshold of fear. True power lies not in the mind or our bank accounts but in the wisdom of the body to fully activate the totality of its life force. Our future lies in our understanding of energy dynamics and how our energy is affected by the energy fields of other people.
Sexual or creative energy is often used, abused, misunderstood and feared. We teach many people to lock down their sexual desires rather than channeling the energy into something far more powerful and beautiful. When we block access to our innermost desires, we begin to quietly kill our spirit and often start conforming to the culture around us. It is where creativity goes to die.
My journey has been difficult in that I’ve had a profound Christian awakening experience yet still identify myself as spiritual and not religious. Wrestling with the idea of desire after experiencing such an awakening experience is confusing as a woman. That energy is the seat of our true power and yet we have to heal the thousands of years of shame of having said energy. What I’ve learned so far is this — at some point you have to decide to honor and respect your innermost authority and not outside people or forces. True inner wisdom is difficult to cultivate but it, at the end of the day, is the ultimate lesson and reason for being here.
When the light is shown, be not scared;
Open to the opportunities and stay aware;
Around every corner is a shadow that tests your resolve;
Will you choose to follow your heart or drown in your sorrow?
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Previously Published on Medium
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