I was room-hunting two months ago. The one question every single landlord brought up was, “what do you do for a living?”
Me: “Self-employed.”
Landlord: “What do you mean?”
Me: “Airbnb, Amazon, blogging.”
Their eyes all lit up when they heard ‘blogging,’ fascinated by it, and continued to ask me about it.
It’s a cool feeling to be associated with a fun and interesting career. A writer, that’s who I am. But wait a minute, what if I suck at writing? What if I don’t ever make enough progress in legitimizing myself as a real writer? I’m an ant in the jungle. You know what? Maybe I should stop calling myself a writer for my self-esteem’s sake.
. . .
The danger of tying your self-worth to your job
You’re so eager to succeed.
Not because you need a 30 square foot wine cellar in your mansion by the hills. Or to make sure your family sleeps on thousand dollar silk bed sheets. Your main motive behind all the hustle, hustle, hustle is — the need to be seen. Once you taste success, it’s hard to ignore the boost it has on your self-image. You start to love praise and integrate it into your identity more and more. It’s a dangerous cycle.
Here are some cons of attaching your self-worth to a job:
Career is forever changing. Most college students don’t work in their field of study after graduating. The average person changes career 5–7 times. Not to mention all of the ups and downs of success and how fleeting it can be. Mark Zuckerberg one minute, Mark Suckingberg the next.
Everybody has different interpretations of success. Your proud P.H.D. degree is as relevant to your teenage daughter as the color of the tie you’re wearing today. Not everyone will give you the same credit for your achievements.
Someone is always better than you at your job. I hope you’ll crush whatever you’re doing. But the reality is that most people will be mediocre or at the bottom for a long time, regardless of how hard they work. You might never reach 1% of Elon Musk or Jeff Bezo’s success. Does that make them 100 times better than you as a person?
You compromise your true self to meet the market demand. If they need a dog today, you will bark. If they need a monkey tomorrow, you will jump.
You are infinitely bigger, deeper, and more sophisticated than what you do for a living
Don’t make your career be your life. let it be your passion. Let it bring you pleasure. But don’t let it become your identity. You are so much more valuable than that.
-Celine Dion
You’re measured by net worth in society. That’s why so many people, especially the successful ones see their job status as the only part of their identity while forgetting who they are without it.
But your job isn’t all you are. Besides the hair barber, you’re also a husband, father, son, brother, friend, gamer, rocker, etc. Above all, a human being equivalent to every other on the planet — that happens to cut hair to pay bills. Don’t forget that.
Don’t allow other people to define your value. You’re way more than given credit for.
How to separate who you are from what you do
Think of your job title as the meat in a burger, it’s the most crucial component of the burger but nothing more than a piece of beef patty without the buns and veggies and sauces.
To have a sense of self outside of work, you should pay more attention to the other areas of your ‘burger’ instead of putting all your eggs in one basket.
Career+relationships+values+appearance+health+interests+experience=YOU
Have a better balance. Relationships and personal values weigh just as much as your job, if not more.
Work gives you the satisfaction it does because, through it, you find respect and validation — things you should find from within.
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This post was previously published on Change Becomes You.
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