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I’m overweight. Chubby. Husky. Zaftig. Maybe even “pleasingly plump.”
Heck, you could just call me “fat.” You would be far from the first to do so.
I’ve been overweight for most of my life. I’ve fought the battle of the bulge for decades. My weight has gone up and down more than the most extreme rollercoaster you’ll ever ride.
I’m not asking for your sympathy. I’m not asking for special treatment. All I’ve ever wanted is basic human dignity, something we should give to all fellow human beings. But, as we all know, the world includes cruelty as well as kindness.
Yes, my weight and my health are ultimately my responsibility. I’ve never blamed anyone else for being fat—not fast food restaurants, advertisers, or even my parents. While my home life as a kid was what many would consider much less than optimal, I’ve worked through the bitterness toward my chaotic childhood environment with sustained, conscious effort.
I’ve come to understand that I still have that coping mechanism where I “eat my feelings,” using food for comfort in stressful situations. My siblings developed other ways of self-medicating. We all have our vices, don’t we?
But all of the above is just an explanation for overeating and not exercising enough, not an excuse. Self-awareness is key to overcoming the trauma of Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs). Yes, managing my weight is my responsibility. But that doesn’t mean I have to accept the narrow-minded judgments of others who see me as just a “fat man.”
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Men and Women are Weighed Differently
When it comes to being overweight, men and women are often treated in different ways. Many women report being treated as if they are invisible. In a society that objectifies women and frequently judges them by their appearance, those who don’t conform to a set of idealized female proportions often go unseen.
Comparatively, overweight men are more often acknowledged but are perceived as being irrelevant. They are often underestimated, seen as not being as “capable” or “accomplished” as fitter men. This preconceived notion can apply to everything from their job performance to sexual prowess.
The stereotype of the bumbling, hapless, and idiotic fat man has long been a staple of pop culture. Being overweight has been associated with laziness and even moral deficiency (gluttony being one of the Judo-Christian seven deadly sins). The assumption is, if someone can’t control their weight, that must mean they’re generally prone to failure. If someone can’t muster enough discipline to achieve weight loss, then how could they perform well on the job? A fat person obviously has poor impulse control and can’t follow things through to fruition. It all sounds so logical, doesn’t it?
This is not to say that laziness doesn’t exist. Yes, there can be people who become overweight because they are lazy. But we don’t have to fall victim to the blanket judgments about weight. Ultimately, both sexes experience stereotyping and discrimination that can negatively impact their social currency. But we don’t have to sit back and accept such treatment.
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Fight the Fat and the Shaming
So guys, what can we do to fight back against fat-shaming? Here’s what I’m doing for myself, and I hope these steps work for you. This process is a journey, and like any heroic quest, there is the need to step beyond one’s comfort zone, try new things, and encounter trials along the way.
Own Your Weight: Nothing changes without first accepting what must be changed. I’ve accepted the fact of my weight, so now I can move forward with my plans to change my situation. Yes, ideally I shouldn’t be overweight. Yes, it has caused me health problems, and will no doubt result in more if I don’t work to get healthier. Acknowledge, then move on to the work.
Work on It: Acceptance of one’s weight frees up energy that was formerly used for self-loathing. But one must put in the work and use that energy to exercise and improve one’s diet. There’s no way around the need for actual discipline. Yes, there will be failure and setbacks. But that’s not an excuse to give up! We are not fated to be fat. Hope springs eternal. Try new things, break up the routine!
Brush Off the Shamers: Another side effect of owning my weight is being able to control my reactions to other people’s judgments. There’s not much I can do about other people’s opinions. Trying to change people’s minds about me would be a futile task.
But that doesn’t mean I can’t stick up for myself and stand my ground when it comes to fat-shaming. Their judgments can only keep me down if I let them weigh on me, or give them power over me.
Human beings naturally want to belong. We are social creatures out of ancient survival necessity. Therefore, it’s no wonder we have an urge to seek acceptance. This desire can make us put great emphasis on the opinions of others. It’s natural to want to be welcomed into the human fold.
But there need to be limits to how far we go to impress others. Once I’ve detected that someone is seemingly immune to my attempts to ingratiate myself because of my weight, I take a step back. Rather than continue to batter myself against their resistance, I consider that it might be time to move on. There are always other people who are more worthy of my effort.
Starve the Trolls: Being called “fat” is one of the first—if not the first—insult people throw at the overweight. People who are even slightly on the chubby side can get slapped with the “F” word. It is the easiest ad hominem attack, and a favorite tool used by trolls. I can’t tell you how many times it’s been used against me lately. Heck, over the course of my lifetime, I don’t know how many times I’ve heard that word directed at me.
Lately, trolls have used my weight to try and dismiss the arguments I’ve made against their divisive comments. When I’ve called into question their flimsy logic and suggested their insecurities were the roots of their narrow mindsets, I’ve been called fat in their attempts to undermine my credibility and the worthiness of my counterarguments.
Yes, calling someone fat never seems to go out of fashion. Bullies of all ages depend on it. But you can take their power away by remembering that their comments come from their own self-hatred. They are projecting their own low self-esteem onto you. Don’t let them. You’re not their punching bag to make themselves feel better.
Refuse to be Ignored: Just because society wants to treat you as irrelevant because of your weight doesn’t mean you have to slink off into the shadows. Don’t let anyone dismiss you outright. Stand your ground. Speak up and be bold.
Don’t let anyone else dictate your place in the world. Throw around the weight of your personality and your force of will. This doesn’t mean becoming as petty and cruel as those who mistreat or judge you. Rather, you can take the high road, treat them better than they treat you, and act like there’s nothing that makes you lesser than them. Because that’s the truth: you are no less human than them.
You don’t have to fit yourself into the restrictive role that some people want to impose on the overweight. Break away from expectations and small-minded perceptions. Dedicate yourself to becoming healthy in body, mind, and attitude. You don’t need to hide in the shadows ever again.
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