It’s easy to fall into an all-or-nothing mindset. I’ve done it plenty of times in my life. How many times have you tried to go on a diet plan then you eat a donut and decide to eat junk for the rest of the day? Tomorrow is the day that you can “start over” and refresh but in truth, that mentality leads you to look at everything in a binary way.
I used to have this mentality that either I ran 4–6 miles a day or I didn’t run at all. If I couldn’t set aside a 45-minute block to go on a run, I wouldn’t do it. It “wasn’t worth my time.” It was always worth my time. Blocking off 10 minutes to run 1 mile is more productive than doing nothing. Writing 100 words is better than nothing.
An all-or-nothing mindset can be detrimental for these reasons:
- It makes it difficult to start building a habit.
- Your work ethic becomes more manic.
- It creates unrealistic standards for yourself.
Signs that you have all-or-nothing thinking:
- You use absolute words like “always,” “never,” “should,” and “shouldn’t.”
- You often look at the downsides of everything.
- You have a difficult time taking feedback.
- Small mistakes derail your entire thought process.
Start Looking At Things More Positively
Any time you make a mistake. There’s an opportunity to grow. Start to celebrate your mistakes in a way that you took the risk to try something out. Making mistakes is usually not the end of the world for you. Use it as a learning opportunity to focus on getting better next time.
Try to be mindful of the words you are using to talk to yourself with. Instead of thinking in terms of “always” or “never” try to catch yourself when you fall into those patterns.
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Understand Perfection Does Not Exist
I’m going to admit, I’m a little bit of a perfectionist. Part of my growth in the last several years has been letting go of that perfectionist mindset. I never started a blog because I wanted it to be perfect before launching it. I never posted anything online that I wrote because I wanted all my pieces to be perfect.
Perfection can only hinder you. You will never be perfect at everything you do in life. Even writing this piece, I’m having difficulties letting go of my perfectionist mindset.
Photo by Hayley Murray on Unsplash
Start With The Small Things
As long as you are doing one small thing to keep improving things in your life, it matters. It may not be obvious today but 1 year or 2 years from now, those results will matter. The more you wait around for that 1-hour time block to work on a project you want to work on or that perfect day, the longer you will be waiting for a day that will never come.
All the little things we do in life matter. Everything from asking our spouse how their day went to planning an awesome birthday party for them. They all matter. In fact, I would argue that the small things matter even more.
Start Journaling Or Meditating
One of the things that I use to recognize my own thought patterns is journaling or meditation. I’ve journaled for such a long time that journaling has become a mindfulness habit all on its own.
The key to journaling is to let your thoughts out. Do not think too hard about what you want to write. I suggest writing out your thoughts as they come along in a nonjudgmental way. Let them flow, the quality of writing in the journal will probably be terrible but no one else is going to read it but you.
Do this every day for a week and then review your journal. How often did you use words like “never,” “always,” or any other binary words? Keep a log of that and identify where your patterns of thinking are going. This will help you when you start experiencing these thoughts in the real world.
Conclusion
All-or-nothing thinking is difficult to break free of. It is our own thought patterns after all. The key way to start to break free of it is to recognize when these thoughts are coming up. After you recognize these thoughts are arising, do your best and don’t beat yourself up for it. The last thing you want is to have all-or-nothing thinking when it comes to your all-or-nothing thinking.
Keep your head up and work on building with the small things. They may not seem to have a significant impact right now but they will in the long run. There is some level of belief to be had right there. If you don’t have a belief, what else do you have?
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
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Photo credit: kylie De Guia on Unsplash