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* Author’s Note: In offering what may largely appear as a call to compassion for men, I in no way mean to dismiss other narratives or divert compassionate attention away from women or other marginalized groups that are fighting for their voices to be heard, and for important changes to be made. Growing up in a male body, I feel more personally in touch with the suffering associated with male conditioning, but I do not believe this to be any more important than the collective suffering of women, non-binary individuals, or any other oppressed groups whose heartbreaking pain has existed for millennia, and whose time in the light appears to have finally arrived.
Ultimately, I feel that we are all inseparably interconnected, and we all heal as one, and that greater compassion for some brings greater compassion to all. Men’s anger and violence, forged in the fires of patriarchal systems of fear, oppression, and control, appears to be the most destructive human force on the planet, and it is something I imagine could use more compassionate attention – for the benefit of all – and something I feel inspired to bring compassionate attention to.
“People commit evil acts because they cannot feel the pain they cause others.”
–Barbara Hand Clow
When we feel pain, we often demonize that which appears to be causing the pain. We move from “I don’t like this,” to “this is bad,” to “how do I stop this bad thing from happening?”
This is an understandable initial reaction to pain, especially considering we live in a world that teaches us to label sources of pain as “bad,” “wrong,” and “evil,” and to focus all of our efforts on fighting that evil and attempting to eliminate it as quickly as possible. What we’re not often taught to do is to get curious about sources of pain, so that we may discover what they may want or need, what they may be here to teach us, and how we can potentially harmonize with them.
Focusing the majority of our attention in this way may be wise if a threat still appears present, which is the case tragically often in this violent patriarchal world.
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Responding in a combative ways serves us at times in helping to ensure that ourselves and others are safe, that boundaries are honored, and that we find a level of relief necessary to calm our overstimulated nervous systems. But once these initial conditions for safety and well-being have been met, rather than transitioning to a space of curiosity about the source of the pain, we often continue to focus exclusively on the security and suffering of whoever we perceive to be the victim, which is most often ourselves, those we care about most, or those we see as marginalized, oppressed, disempowered, or abused.
Focusing the majority of our attention in this way may be wise if a threat still appears present, which is the case tragically often in this violent patriarchal world. But if we endlessly zoom in on the suffering we’re personally invested in, and label, condemn, and virtually ignore the suffering of those we perceive as the source of pain—“the oppressors,” the “bad guys,” those committing “acts of evil”—we bypass incredible opportunities that are available for empathy, forgiveness, and healing for all parties involved—meaning a safer world for us all—and we miss opportunities for understanding the deeper source of our pain.
We may be thinking, “But I already know the source of my pain. It’s that evil asshole over there!” And yes, on a surface level, this may be true. The actions of that person may have led to an experience of pain, and the initial course of action may be to hyper-focus on that pain in the interest of safety, compassion, empowerment and healing.
“And then what, I’m supposed to give that asshole compassion?” This isn’t about putting pressure on ourselves to do anything we don’t feel ready to do, but rather considering that perhaps if we wish to live in a world in which people inflict less pain on one another, we must bring curiosity and compassion to the experience of these “evil assholes” as well, and look deeply into what is causing them to act out in the first place through this compassionate lens.
The quote above invites us to dig beneath the surface. It invites us to explore the root causes of why we inflict pain on one another. It invites us to consider the experience of those that commit evil acts.
Resistance to Empathizing with Evil
Our first reaction to this invitation may be resistance to engaging in this process. We may immediately reject the idea of empathizing with evil and engage in a mental search for reasons that invalidate the value and urgency of doing so. And we may not choose to venture beyond our initial reactions, because we’re so heavily immersed in experiences of disempowerment, suffering, and fear that we don’t have the emotional capacity to genuinely consider or care about “the bad guy’s” point of view.
Refusing to genuinely consider another’s experience or point of view is what our mind likes to do when a perspective doesn’t appear to focus on what we imagine to be the greatest need, or when we fear that what we discover may contradict what we believe (or want to believe).
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We may feel so wounded, helpless, and frightened by a vicious patriarchal world, or by what specific others might do, that we are unwilling or unable to move beyond the immediacy of pain and fear. We may focus all of our energy on healing, protection, or prevention, and through these efforts, our helpless fear may turn to righteous anger as we begin to feel stronger. As we begin to feel that our well-being matters, and that it’s possible to create a future that honors this. And as we engage with life from this fierce and combative place of anger, stemming from a beautiful desire to love and empower ourselves and others, we may lose touch with curiosity and compassion for those that exist outside the bubble of who we’re fighting for, especially if we imagine them to be who we’re fighting against.
As we attempt to bust out of our prison of disempowerment, suffering, and fear, we may angrily project onto those we hold responsible for putting us there. We may choose righteous perspectives of victimization and separation that tell us our pain (or the pain of those we wish to empower or protect) is more important than another’s, and when it comes to compassion, “the other side” should go first. We may feel so hurt and wronged that we stop at nothing until we feel our experience (or another’s) is validated, and others “get what they deserve.”
Refusing to genuinely consider another’s experience or point of view is what our mind likes to do when a perspective doesn’t appear to focus on what we imagine to be the greatest need, or when we fear that what we discover may contradict what we believe (or want to believe). We’re much more comfortable in our echo chambers, receiving reflections about how right we are about everything, and how victimized we, or those we stand up for, are. We imagine there to be nothing more important than validating our stories, because we believe this validation will empower us, protect us, and set us free.
From this angry, righteous, contracted space of short-term empowerment (but largely disempowerment in the long run), we have little access to forgiveness, and little capacity to consider and empathize with other experiences and points of view. And empathy is where true healing begins, and forgiveness is what will truly set us free.
The following are four perspectives that may arise in resistance to sharing empathy and forgiveness with those we hold responsible for our suffering.
These examples are written in the form of potential reactions to that which we’ve been personally impacted by, but they can also be applied to the pain of others that we may be feeling empathically:
1. “I have every right to be angry!”
Yes, we do. And anger can initially be a catalytic tool for empowerment. But if we remain in this space indefinitely, it can wreak havoc on our mental, emotional, physical and spiritual well-being, and cause us to endlessly project our pain onto the world.
2. “I’m not going to make myself wrong for being angry, and I’m not going to spiritually bypass my feelings!”
These are healthy, self-loving responses. Empowering steps along the path of our healing journey. Anger is a way we ensure we will take care of ourselves moving forward. That we won’t allow others to cross our boundaries. And validating our anger and allowing ourselves to fully feel it is an essential part of the integration process of returning to love. Through welcoming and giving ourselves full permission to feel our anger, we reclaim beautiful parts of us that we’d previously relegated to the shadows and become more whole.
3. “What they did is so much worse!”
Yes, what another has done to us may be more abusive or impactful than what we’ve personally done to them. And they may never recognize, validate, own, apologize, or offer to make amends for any of it, which can be absolutely infuriating. We have no control over what they do, and rage is a very reasonable response to the feelings of disempowerment this may create. But while we cannot control their choices, we can control our own, and this is where true empowerment lies.
4. “It’s not my job to empathize with my abuser!”
No, it is not. And creating boundaries and making choices in the interest of our own physical and emotional safety and well-being is an incredibly important part of self-love, empowerment, and healing. And another incredibly important part of self-love, empowerment, and healing is offering empathy and forgiveness when we feel ready to do so, so we are able to let go of that which holds us separate from love.
Empathy and Forgiveness as Acts of Self-Love
When we’re in a stage of our journey to self-love and empowerment in which we are heavily invested in perspectives of pain and fear, we may feel that those that have hurt us or others do not deserve our empathy and forgiveness. And if that’s where we’re at, we can still “play the game” by realizing that when we offer empathy and forgiveness, we’re not offering it to “them” so much as we’re offering it to ourselves.
It is in our own best interest to attempt to offer empathy and forgiveness because doing so often creates more healing, relief, inner-peace, and joy for the giver than the receiver. The one on the receiving end may or may not have the capacity to allow their heart to be touched, but the one genuinely offering tunes their dial to a high frequency of love. In these moments, our hearts open and we catch a glimpse of the radiant being that we are. And we remember that in order to receive love, we must choose to be love.
In the end, the one that needs our forgiveness most is not the one “out there” that we feel has harmed us or others, whose actions we may judge as evil. The one that needs our forgiveness, and the only one we truly have the power to forgive, is ourselves.
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In these powerful moments of sharing heartfelt empathy and forgiveness, we remember that we cannot be love if we’re holding someone outside of love. When we condemn another, we condemn ourselves. We energetically sit beside them in the painful land of judgment and separation until we align with empathy and come to forgiveness. And in the meantime, we are the ones that suffer most, and we will continue to suffer as long as we are choosing anything other than love.
Offering empathy and forgiveness is more of an offering to ourselves than to another. These are acts of self-love because in choosing them, we’re declaring that we are no longer willing to allow ourselves to endlessly suffer at the hands of our own judgments. We’re declaring that our well-being matters, and that we are worthy of love and connection.
In the end, the one that needs our forgiveness most is not the one “out there” that we feel has harmed us or others, whose actions we may judge as evil. The one that needs our forgiveness, and the only one we truly have the power to forgive, is ourselves. We are the ones that have caused ourselves the greatest suffering by condemning another, for as we condemn others, we condemn the parts of ourselves that they are reflecting. And when we forgive others, we’re forgiving those parts of ourselves.
Those we condemn are giving us a gift that does not appear as a gift. They are holding up a painful mirror that wakes us up to the ways our judgments do not serve us, and helping us return home to the love that we are. And as we return to love through the return gifts we offer of empathy and forgiveness, we leave the door open behind us so that others may follow.
Keys to Aligning with Empathy and Forgiveness
Alright, now that we’re all sold on the value of offering empathy and forgiveness (or not), I’ll offer three key ingredients that I imagine these heartfelt expressions require:
1. Genuine Curiosity About the Experience of Others
In order to access empathy and forgiveness for another, we must feel some degree of genuine curiosity about their experience. If we’re self-absorbed, or committed to being an ally to some but not to all, we lose curiosity about those that are not a part of “our group.” And there the rest of the world sits, out in the cold, beyond our bubble of love, with us right beside them.
2. Awareness That Being Right Doesn’t Serve Us
Aligning with empathy and forgiveness also requires some level of awareness that our pursuit of being right ultimately doesn’t serve us. When we righteously argue our point and fiercely defend our position in pursuit of the ego’s favorite thing in the world: validation (to soothe its insecurity), we close ourselves off to other points of view and lose access to our ability to empathize and forgive.
In our efforts to prove ourselves right, and therefore others wrong, we spiral down the rabbit hole of separation – us vs. them, good vs. evil, the game of winners and losers – and once we’ve turned life into a competition, and placed others in the “bad guy” camp, we feel justified in no longer caring about them or their experience. As we bring awareness to this, and experience the pain of separation it creates, we begin to realize that we often cannot both be right and be love.
3. The Courage to Lower Our Defenses and Become Vulnerable
It takes incredible courage to move beyond our patterns of thought and behavior that stand between us and genuine empathy and forgiveness. Why? Because we believe these patterns to be who we are. “I am the one that fiercely stands up for myself and others! I am the one that is creating a better world through fighting the evil oppressors!” This can be a potent space from which to empower ourselves and others, and at times, acting from this righteous place may serve as an act of compassion and healing, and a catalyst for change. But if we make a habit of spending the majority of our time in this space, we may begin to close our hearts and create internal barriers to empathy and forgiveness.
If we wish to align with love, we must choose vulnerability. We must allow ourselves to witness the deep, raw pain beneath our anger, and allow others to witness this as well.
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Lowering our defensive position may feel like giving up all that we stand for. It may feel like betraying ourselves, or those we care deeply about. “I can’t give up the fight! Then the oppressors will win!” But empathy and forgiveness are not acts of betrayal, they are acts of unity and love. And the oppressors have already “won” if they’ve caused us to believe in separation and close our hearts to another. If they’ve caused us to look at another human being and see anything other than a brother, a sister, a divine messenger of love.
If we wish to align with love, we must choose vulnerability. We must allow ourselves to witness the deep, raw pain beneath our anger, and allow others to witness this as well. Anger is our armor, and without it, we may feel as if the world will eat us alive. But if we never take the armor off, we never discover who we are underneath it, and neither does anyone else. And we miss out on perhaps the most exquisite experience of being human: shared intimacy with the many dynamic, tender, ferocious and beautiful characters within ourselves and others.
Into the Unknown
Genuine, heartfelt empathy and forgiveness for what we perceive as evil requires incredible courage because it requires us to lower our defenses, become deeply vulnerable, and question who we are. Beyond our victim stories, beyond our righteous perspectives, beyond our quest for validation, who are we really?
Who are we beyond our pain and fear?
Deeply exploring this mystery can cause our egos to feel like they’re dying, and to violently lash out in response. And why is this? What is it that our egos are so afraid of?
Our light. Our alignment with Spirit. Our awareness of the love that we are.
Our ego fears that as we become aware of who we really are, we’ll bust the victim stories that it’s convinced us to identify with. It fears that we’ll no longer listen to it, we’ll no longer need it, and it will disappear. It worries that as we deeply reflect on all we believe, and all that we think we are, we may choose to do the most frightening thing it can imagine: Change…and step into the unknown.
Fear of change is fear of ourselves, for change is what we are. We fear change because we fear exchanging the relative comfort and safety of who we know ourselves to be for the unknown of who we may discover ourselves to be. This response is quite understandable. A “natural response” within the context of a world that conditions us to fear change, and to distrust ourselves. And there is perhaps a biological aspect to our fear of change as well, and it’s wonderful to consider all of this so we don’t beat ourselves or others up about resistance to change. But do you know what’s even more wonderful than that?
Changing.
We are an ever-evolving process, not a static “thing.” A flowing verb, not a stagnant noun. So we may as well jump aboard the change train that we are now, because it’s only a matter of time before life will less than gently remind us that we’re already on it. And when we step on of our own volition by opening to possibility, and surrendering our need to be right about everything in order to avoid change, we embark on the grand adventure of a lifetime.
So . . . All aboard!
Hi, my name’s Troy, and I’ll be your conductor this evening. Thank you for joining us on this bullet train straight to your brain. Refreshments will be served in the form of three potentially uncomfortable possibilities to consider that may assist you in opening your heart and mind to empathy and forgiveness. We hope you enjoy your ride…
Possibility #1: “People commit evil acts because they cannot feel the pain they cause others”
Regardless of what we “believe,” let’s imagine this possibility for a moment. That someone’s capacity to commit evil acts correlates with their capacity to feel the pain they cause others (aka their ability to empathize).
What would it be like to not feel anything when we hurt another? To not care? What kind of an existence would that be?
When I reflect on this possibility, I imagine that perhaps in some ways it would feel quite liberating to not have to care, but I also can’t imagine a lonelier existence. How could I ever deeply connect with another? How could I even connect with myself? How could I feel love for anyone or anything if I have no investment in their well-being?
Because if they’re treating others this way, they must be unaware of our spiritual interconnection. They must not know that when they harm another, they harm themselves.
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Perhaps all that would be left to desire would be the acquisition of power. The exercise of control. Anything to fill the emptiness inside. Anything for the possibility of feeling something.
I wouldn’t wish this fate on my worst enemy.
Considering this possibility leads me to compassion for those that commit evil acts. They must be deeply hurting or numb inside to be hurting others. I can’t imagine that they’re connected with love, with Spirit. Not in a meaningful way. Because if they’re treating others this way, they must be unaware of our spiritual interconnection. They must not know that when they harm another, they harm themselves.
The compassion I feel leads me to want to understand their experience. To offer them empathy, whether or not they have the capacity to feel it. And to ask the questions: What can be done to help them feel again? And: What can be done to co-create a world that produces fewer people that are largely disconnected from their emotional experience? Disconnected from love, from who they really are.
Possibility #2: We all commit acts of evil
What if Clow’s quote actually describes all of us? What if we all commit evil acts, to some degree, because we’re not feeling the pain we cause others?
When we demonize and label those that commit evil acts, could this be considered an act of evil as well? Where is the line between good and evil drawn, and who draws this line?
How do we imagine our judgment and condemnation causes others to feel? Are we even considering this? Are we considering what it’s like to be them, and the possibility that they may be suffering inside? Do we have any investment in their well-being?
Do we justify not caring about their well-being because they did not seem to care about ours (or another’s)? Does this make us all that different from them? Are we as innocent as we claim to be?
What if we knew that the “evil asshole” over there IS US, and we acted from that level of consciousness?
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I wonder if perhaps the greatest barrier to co-creating a world of love is that we invest in our own pain, or the pain of those we care about, to the exclusion of the pain of another. If we invested in everyone’s experience equally, what kind of world might this be?
Perhaps we do have some investment in their well-being, and we do care about their experience, but are we making their experience as important as our own? This may seem like a radical concept, but what if we really lived the knowing that we are all one being? What if we knew that the “evil asshole” over there IS US, and we acted from that level of consciousness? Would we make their experience any less important than our own?
None of this is to suggest that we should ever dishonor our own boundaries, refrain from taking action to protect ourselves and others, or make ourselves wrong for feeling anything we feel in response to what we’ve experienced. Feeling safe, creating boundaries, and fully allowing and approving of our feelings are essential pieces of the puzzle in loving and empowering ourselves and co-creating a world of love. The intention of this piece, therefore, isn’t to devalue or disregard these choices, but to look more closely at why we do what we do, and to invite ourselves to engage in a process of internal inquiry in which we ask ourselves questions such as:
Am I seeing those whose acts I label as evil as being human? As being my equals? As being my brothers and sisters? As being a part of “ME”?
Am I separating the person from the action? (Am I labeling this an evil act, or am I labeling them an evil person?)
And are my actions in response not “evil” as well if I’m not treating those that are committing these acts as the beautiful beings of light that they truly are? Is it not evil to deny the truth that everyone IS LOVE, and worthy of empathy and forgiveness, no matter what they do?
It may be helpful at this point to explore the intention of evil. I offer a quote that speaks to this from James P. Carse, from his book Finite and Infinite Games:
“Evil is never intended as evil. Indeed, the contradiction in all evil is that it originates in the desire to eliminate evil. Infinite players understand the inescapable likelihood of evil. They therefore do not attempt to eliminate evil in others, for to do so is the very impulse of evil itself, and therefore a contradiction. They can only attempt paradoxically to recognize in themselves the evil that takes the form of attempting to eliminate evil elsewhere.”
Carse’s quote speaks to the universal intention and hypocrisy of evil. To the ways we all participate in such acts through our attempts to eliminate evil, whether or not we’re aware of it or willing to admit it.
Another quote from Claw (both quotes come from her book Heart of the Christos):
“It is only in facing the great evil in ourselves that we can be free.”
As I’ve reflected on these quotes and explored the questions above, I’ve spiraled through an often very uncomfortable process of recognizing my own hypocrisy nearly everywhere I look. Noticing the countless ways I project and condemn others for that which I do. And I’m incredibly grateful for this painful process, because the expanding awareness of my own hypocrisy and “acts of evil” has brought me to place of deeper humility and compassion for myself and others. To a place of radical honesty, greater capacity for empathy, self-forgiveness, and freedom.
And we come face to face with our shadow and begin to recognize that the capacity for evil that we witness in others exists within us as well.
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As we allow ourselves to open to possibility, question what we believe about ourselves and about life, and willingly (or perhaps not so willingly) enter the unknown, many changes unfold within us and all around us. We begin deeply and honestly reflecting on how we’re showing up in the world. We become aware of the many contradictions we are living. And we come face to face with our shadow and begin to recognize that the capacity for evil that we witness in others exists within us as well.
The guilt of our past actions and the shame of who we have been is painfully revealed, deeply felt, and courageously owned. And as the awareness of our past transgressions continues to unfold and bring us to our knees, humility, self-empathy, and grace arrive on the scene and join forces to integrate the shadowy characters within us.
What remains in the space they vacate? Awareness of love. And as we return to this awareness, we know that we are forgiven, because there was never anything to forgive.
…And so we are free.
Possibility #3: “Evil men” are not evil, they are systematically conditioned to reject the feminine
I’m going to wrap up by focusing on men because most of that which we label as evil in the world comes from acts of men. And it seems to me that it’s no coincidence that men are also those that are generally most heavily conditioned not to feel.
Another way of saying “conditioned not to feel” could be “conditioned to reject the inner feminine.” In this patriarchal world we live in, we are all conditioned to reject femininity to some degree, but men are often hit hardest.
Growing up in male bodies in patriarchal societies, we learn that it’s not safe to allow the feminine aspects of our being to be expressed. This causes many men to fiercely suppress these parts of themselves, and to greatly admire, secretly envy, and deeply despise the feminine expressions of others.
Many men project their rage and frustrations of feeling limited onto others through violence and “acts of evil,” such as oppression and abuse.
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As men wander down a path of numbness, self-rejection, and fear, many lose touch with their ability to deeply empathize. They’re left with very few emotions they’re “allowed to feel,” and perhaps the most satisfying of these emotions, and the most “appropriate” response to such a limiting world, is anger.
Many men project their rage and frustrations of feeling limited onto others through violence and “acts of evil,” such as oppression and abuse. Some take it so far as to project onto the world through acts of war and genocide. And a vicious cycle continues as a patriarchal world oppresses and abuses men (and everyone else), they feel unsafe to express their feelings, they become emotionally numb to protect themselves, they rage inside at feeling so limited, they oppress and abuse themselves, and then they go out into the world and oppress and abuse others.
I recently came across an inspiring quote from Bell Hooks, from her book The Will To Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love, that shares about male conditioning. She does so in a way that I imagine is much more powerful and eloquent than any string of words I could put together on the topic, so although the quote is long, I’ve decided to close with it here.
As I feel empathy for our collective suffering, I soften, and I notice guilt and shame that exists beneath the surface for the ways I’ve been complicit in this system.
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Hooks’ quote speaks largely to the experience of teenage boys and has inspired compassion in me. It inspires me to look into my eyes in the mirror and see the wounded child that has suffered at the brutal hands of patriarchy and to grieve for him. It inspires me to look into the eyes of men that I judge and condemn, and imagine the hurt, innocent young man within them, and to grieve for them as well. The tender young man that was emotionally neglected, deeply shamed and perhaps abused. The naturally gentle and loving boy who was conditioned not to feel, and not to care. And it inspires deep compassion in me for women, for non-binary individuals, and for members of all marginalized groups, for we’ve all suffered greatly from ruthless patriarchal systems of fear, oppression, violence, and control.
As I feel empathy for our collective suffering, I soften, and I notice guilt and shame that exists beneath the surface for the ways I’ve been complicit in this system. For the ways I’ve contributed to the systematic oppression and enormous suffering of women and members of other marginalized groups. For the ways I’ve dehumanized many men, including myself. For the ways I’ve allowed my interpretations of my own and others’ actions, and my righteous perspectives of victimhood, to lead me to judge myself or anyone else to be anything less than the beautiful beings of love that we are.
I forgive myself for condemning others, and for simultaneously condemning the parts of myself that they were reflecting to me. I forgive myself for holding us outside “The Kingdom of Heaven” that this world becomes, and already is when I surrender my judgments.
And each time I return to love through this path of self-forgiveness – this powerful act of empathy, humility, courage, and vulnerability – I remember once again that I was simply unaware, and there is ultimately nothing to forgive.
Thank you for joining me on this literary adventure. Here’s the quote from Hooks:
“Teenagers are the most unloved group in our nation. Teenagers are often feared precisely because they are often exposing the hypocrisy of parents and of the world around them. And no group of teenagers is more feared than a pack of teenage boys. Emotionally abandoned by parents and by society as a whole, many boys are angry, but no one really cares about this anger unless it leads to violent behavior. If boys take their rage and sit in front of a computer all day, never speaking, never relating, no one cares. If boys take their rage to the mall, no one cares, as long as it is contained. In Lost Boys therapist James Garbarino testifies that when it comes to boys, ‘neglect is more common than abuse: more kids are emotionally abandoned than are directly attacked, physically or emotionally.’ Emotional neglect lays the groundwork for the emotional numbing that helps boys feel better about being cut off. Eruptions of rage in boys are most often deemed normal, explained by the age-old justification for adolescent patriarchal mis-behavior, ‘Boys will be boys.’ Patriarchy both creates the rage in boys and then contains it for later use, making it a resource to exploit later on as boys become men. As a national product, this rage can be garnered to further imperialism, hatred, and oppression of women and men globally. This rage is needed if boys are to become men willing to travel around the world to fight wars without ever demanding that other ways of solving conflict be found.
“Ever since masses of American boys began, in the wake of the civil right struggle, sexual liberation, and feminist movement, to demand their right to be psychologically whole and expressed those demands most visibly by refusing to fight in the Vietnam War, mass media as a propaganda tool for imperialist white-supremacist capitalist patriarchy have targeted young males and engaged in heavy-handed brainwashing to reinforce psychological patriarchy. Today small boys and young men are daily inundated with a poisonous pedagogy that supports male violence and male domination, that teaches boys that unchecked violence is acceptable, that teaches them to disrespect and hate women. Given this reality and the concomitant emotional abandonment of boys, it should surprise no one that boys are violent, that they are willing to kill; it should surprise us that the killing is not yet widespread.
“Ruthless patriarchal assault on the self-esteem of teenage boys has become an accepted norm. There is a grave silence about adult male tyranny in relation to teenage boys. Much of the adult male terrorism of and competition with little boys and young males is conducted through mass media. Much of the mass media directed at young male consumers is created by self-hating, emotionally shut-down adult men who have only the pornography of violence to share with younger men. To that end they create images that make killing alluring and the sexual exploitation of females the seductive reward. In the wake of feminist, antiracist, and postcolonial critiques of imperialist white-supremacist capitalist patriarchy, the backlash that aims to reinscribe patriarchy is fierce. While feminism may ignore boys and young males, capitalist patriarchal men do not.”
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A version of this post was originally posted on TroyCohen.wordpress.com and is republished here with permission from the author.
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