A rugby player found himself confronting more than one stereotype in his own mind as he struggles with coming out.
“I feel like I’m letting out a long breath that I’ve held in for a long time,” Rugby League star Keegan Hirst told the Sunday Mirror, putting an end to a lifetime spent hiding from his true self.
The 27-year-old has become one of the first in his sport to come out, but more importantly, he’s also opened up about his struggle with fulfilling cultural expectations of masculinity.
Sports fan or not, there’s a lesson there for everyone.
“At first I couldn’t even say ‘I’m gay’ in my head, let alone out loud,” he said. “I had a wife and kids. I’ve been a builder, doorman, worked in factories – I play rugby. I tick every macho box. How could I be gay? I’m from Batley for goodness sake. No one is gay in Batley.”
Clearly, someone was gay in Batley, and we’re guessing it wasn’t just Hirst. Hopefully his story will inspire others to realize they aren’t alone.
“The only time I felt free of the torment was when I stepped on the rugby pitch,” he admitted, adding “Now I feel free.”
Of course, its not a purely joyous event — his wife also just discovered his sexuality a few weeks ago, and the two are now in the midst of a separation.
“I went to her and asked if I could have a word. My stomach was in knots. We sat at the kitchen table and I said, ‘There’s something I need to tell you’.
“I couldn’t get the words out, I felt like I was going to be sick. But I managed to say it.
“She didn’t say anything at first. I explained why and how I felt, it was very emotional. We were both in tears.
“She didn’t ask a lot of questions, but she was supportive. She was totally blind-sided. She’d had
absolutely no idea.
“It was incredibly tough, but for me it was a weird situation because it also felt liberating.
And while Hirst says she’s remained supportive, the pain will need time to heal.
“She blamed herself when we separated but I knew she’d done nothing wrong. I couldn’t bear it any more, the guilt of it all, of her not knowing why I left. It was eating me up.”
The next hurdle will be telling the kids.
“We haven’t told the kids yet, they’re too young to understand. I’m not sure how I’d explain it.”
Originally posted at queerty.com.
Personally i think fred is on the right track. Perhaps he did deny himself right from the start and covered by marriage etc. Macho has absolutely nothing to do with his feelings. But the fact remains sexuality is NOT an either or proposition. You know instinctively where you gall on the spectrum and all of it is human and normal.
It seems so many people are unaware sexuality isn’t binary and, so, don’t know there’s any options for identity other than gay or straight. I mean, this fellow was married to a woman and had children with her; he must have felt some attraction to her, sexually and romantically. I don’t mean to suggest he and his wife shouldn’t separate. But, the implication from his words is his attraction to his wife was somehow illegitimate and he has to be attracted to men only. I believe that belief is all too common because almost everyone is now raised–steeped–in a culture… Read more »
Bless him, sending him virtual hugs. I know at least two guys who went through this denial. You should never deny who you really are. Much love.