One thought about her dating and love life leaves her disheartened.
She looked at other people’s dating lives.
They seem to have an easier time navigating from meeting dating prospects to having extraordinary love lives. Their relationships seem less stressful and easier, too.
She looked at hers. She never really had a problem attracting guys. But all she could see was:
A serial cheater or fuck boy. An abusive asshole. The guy who never wants to commit. The hot and cold guy.
And yes, there’s the pathological liar.
Does any of this sound familiar? Do you also feel down and stuck in such a situation?
Being in a toxic, stressful, or not-so-great relationship might mean you were unlucky to fall for the wrong person.
But it’s something entirely different when it becomes the outcome of almost all of your relationships.
And if that’s the case, you’re most likely responsible. You might have one, a few, or many counterproductive mindsets and behaviors that make dating and relationships too hard for you.
And unless you avoid them, dating and relationships will forever be hard for you.
That said, let’s take a look at five reasons a lot of women will always have it hard when it comes to dating and relationships:
1. They usually have ridiculously low or unrealistic standards
If dating constantly feels too complicated and is a source of consistent unhappiness, it might have much to do with your relationship standards.
Usually, when your standards are shallow, you’ll often find yourself in relationships with people you deserve better than. Hence, your love life will be more difficult than it should be.
It becomes apparent when someone allows bad matches to linger for too long. You can also see it when one chooses to hold onto a relationship that doesn’t fulfill her needs.
And also a situation where she deliberately feigns ignorance to clear signs they aren’t compatible with a particular guy she likes.
Or a situation where you choose a partner whose core values conflict with yours.
I can’t count how many times I’ve heard a woman recount how much she regrets giving up qualities important to her to be in a relationship with some guy. That’s one hell of a way to lower one’s standards.
My closest female friend used to prioritize surface-level characteristics like appearance, income, and career over how a love interest or partner treated her.
But women, who have it much easier with dating and relationships, know better than to settle for less than they deserve. They know they deserve to be loved and treated well.
That’s why, once you learn to feel you deserve the best partners who aren’t just loving but also respectful, you’ll eventually find yourself repelling those bad dates as you’ll attract the right kinds of men.
And your dating and love life will be a lot easier.
2. They would do anything to make someone love or commit to them
We all want to be loved and respected, especially in romantic relationships. Yet, it beats me how many of us would go to the extent of renouncing our self-love and respect to win the love and respect of another person.
Dating and relationships aren’t this problematic and excruciating for people who aren’t as desperate for love enough to slaughter their self-dignity to get it.
But some women would spend years or a considerable amount of time trying to force a man to love and be committed to them, only to forget how to love themselves.
They would cry, beg, and chase endlessly after a man who doesn’t love them beyond the sexual benefit he gets from their situationship.
Some would even go as far as gaslighting themselves into believing they don’t want a committed relationship equally. And will hence wait until maybe the guy’s ready to commit—which might never happen.
That’s why women who value themselves will never subject themselves to such a looping cycle of pain, anxiety, and even depression.
They’ll cut their losses and move on when they realize they don’t know where they stand with someone despite being together for a while.
The bottom line?
If you’re the type to always stick with a man who doesn’t seem to love you enough to commit to you, dating and relationships will be difficult and full of anxiety until you learn to value and love yourself first.
3. They believe they can rehabilitate a bad guy
Women who will always have it easier with dating know they’re special. Yet, they’re not illogical enough to think they’ll be an exception to a serial heartbreaker.
Women who tend to often stick with someone who treats them poorly in the high hopes of transforming him into a changed person someday are only hurting themselves and making life more difficult for themselves.
As mentioned earlier, they would ignore all the red flags, but this is not because they’re settling, as was the case in the previous point.
Instead, it’s because they think an asshole of a partner can be saved if he’s loved enough.
In reality, you can’t change people who don’t want to change, themselves.
No, I’m not trying to root for boring and even inauthentic nice guys.
But I hope you realize that you deserve better than a man who will endlessly have you compete with other women for a relationship with him.
You deserve better than a relationship built on lies and deception because you’re a beautiful soul with much to offer. Why should you waste your energy on someone not deserving of your amazing love?
4. They often lack the courage to leave when things don’t feel right
Again, people who know their worth, know very well that there’s no reason to stay in a relationship that’s gone wrong.
Hence, they don’t let fear of being single again, hurting a partner, or not being able to find someone else hold them back from walking out of a bad relationship.
Succumbing to any of these fears will mean giving up your right to be treated decently. And subjecting yourself to a prison of unhappiness.
Hence, you need to make peace with the fact that it’s just okay for things not to work out well.
In fact, you need to often open your eyes more to red flags—to avoid being in relationships that were never meant to be in the first place.
And it begins with having the mindset that it’s okay to walk away even when things start to go wrong on the second date.
When the butterfly’s feelings are still fresh.
Or when the relationship is ages old.
Life will only be easier than you make it for yourself.
This post was previously published on medium.com.
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