In the Japanese proverb: Nana korobi ya oki. Fall down seven times, get up eight. In Aikido, there is uke, the one who takes the falls, and nage, the one who throws. The nage throws the uke in iriminage (clothesline technique to the head). As soon as the uke falls down, they get back up as quickly as they can and attack again. They do that over, and over, and over again until they switch. Then the uke becomes the nage. They get to throw. They do that over, and over, and over again. Just train.
After nearly 35 years of Aikido, I’m Godan (5th degree black belt). I’ve literally taken hundreds of thousands of falls. Maybe, even a million. Regardless, of how hard I’m thrown, I take the fall and get back up as soon as can. I attack again. The late Mizukami Sensei said, “Just train.” The training was about character. About getting back up after I fall, even when I don’t want to get back up.
That is the design of O-Sensei Morihei Ueshiba’s Aikido. The nage and uke match up with each other. I match the attack in my attack in awase. I invite the attack. I don’t aggress against aggression. If I defend, I can be defeated. There is no fight. O-Sensei said, “True victory is victory over oneself.” It’s me against me.
Aikido is about character and resilience. I attack the nage. I take the fall. I get back up. I continue. I move forward. I take my falls in life, have my failures. When I fall, when I fail, I get back up as soon as I can. Keep moving forward. Just train.
Several years ago, I fell very hard into clinical depression. I was literally down on the mat for years. I hated on myself so much. Although, I had made a difference in the past, I felt that I no longer could. I thought that I was useless as a human being.
I worked with my therapist Lance Miller to heal my childhood trauma and depression. I feared deep inside that I was not good enough. The voice in my head said, “Jon, you’re no good.” Working with Lance, I got that voice was Dad’s voice. His voice had become mine over the years. Dad got that voice from his Dad, who abused him far worse than me. The sad legacy of abusive fathers.
When I was a little boy, Dad terrified me to my soul. Whatever I did or didn’t do only made him so very angry at me. I got that I would never be good enough for Dad. I got that I would never be good enough for anyone, especially me. Consequently, I spent much of my adult life proving that I was good enough, that I was worthy of love.
For over 25 years, I trained with the late Mizukami Sensei. Sensei became the father who taught me Aikido and what it is to be a good a man. He said, “Just train. It’s not like you have to get somewhere.”
In therapy with Lance, I looked at my fear of Dad, my fear of never being good enough. That was frightening as hell. Oh yeah. Just train. In Aikido, Ishibashi Sensei says, “The safest place to be is under the attack, in the danger.” I enter what I fear and die with honor. I apply the (Aikido) technique to myself. I work on myself, not on others. I’m my GOAT (Greatest of All-Time) opponent. It’s me against me. The late Mizukami Sensei taught me character, to be a good man, to get back up when I fall down. Although, Sensei is no longer on Planet Earth, he still stands by my side. He lives in my heart.
Just train. It’s not like I have to get somewhere or be someone else. I put in the work. I make it work. Over the years, I got back up from my clinical depression. Maybe, I fell down 1000 times. I got back up 1001 times. Just train. I love my self for who I am and forgive myself for who I’m not.
I rise up whenever I fall, whenever I fail. I learn from my failures. They give me what I have to work on next. I give up that I’m not good enough. I keep my heart open. Keep moving forward. Just train.
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