Most people believe they need to become more adventurous and creative in the bedroom when their sex life seems to be dying out or has become a chore.
This is certainly a great thing to try. However, no sex toys and new positions in the world can create the want and need for intimacy as well as connecting with your partner outside of the bedroom during the day and then bringing this spark into the bedroom.
Men and women are generally stimulated by such different things there is no way that fits all. It’s all about becoming curious to your partner’s needs and asking them what really turns them on, what makes them feel special and wanted because this is the gateway to intimacy and great sex.
Men can generally “go off” on seeing a naked body whilst women need more mental stimulation. They need to hear, see and feel that you care for them and that they are important to you in order for them to want to be intimate. This takes planning and thought and is not something that just magically happens as soon as the lights go off if you haven’t put in the work.
Just like a healthy and fit body takes consistent work in order to stay that way, the same goes for healthy, passionate and long-lasting relationships.
Some people enjoy spending quality time with their partner, to be heard and have meaningful conversations where you really listen and are present instead of using technology whilst half listening.
Some prefer being acknowledged or complimented for little things that can be easily taken for granted in a relationship over time, such as thanking them for cooking a lovely meal, putting fuel in their car, paying the bills, cleaning the house, or looking nice in their new dress or shirt.
Some prefer if you do things for them that are thoughtful such as offering to run an errand that is not usually on your agenda, cleaning their car, mowing the lawn, cooking, cleaning or preparing lunch for the next day.
Some prefer little unexpected thoughtful gifts here and there that show you have really taken the time to consider what they like and enjoy. The thought and effort put into this are more important than buying an expensive gift for the sake of it being expensive rather than thoughtful. You may need help with this if you haven’t done this before and can always ask their best friend what they would prefer if you are stuck.
Some prefer any form of physical touch regularly. This can be anything from sitting close on the couch, holding hands, putting your arm around them in public, a warm long hug, or sex.
This comes down to asking what they prefer and how. There is no right or wrong here. They will simply adore you for taking an interest in what makes them feel good. Making an effort to pay attention to what your partner needs rather than assuming they can read your mind will not only elevate a lot of frustration and arguments but also create long-lasting love and intimacy in your relationship.
—
This post is republished on Medium.
***
The Good Men Project gives people the insights, tools, and skills to survive, prosper and thrive in today’s changing world. A world that is changing faster than most people can keep up with that change. A world where jobs are changing, gender roles are changing, and stereotypes are being upended. A world that is growing more diverse and inclusive. A world where working towards equality will become a core competence. We’ve built a community of millions of people from around the globe who believe in this path forward. Thanks for joining The Good Men Project.
Support us on Patreon and we will support you and your writing! Tools to improve your writing and platform-building skills, a community to get you connected, and access to our editors and publisher. Your support will help us build a better, more inclusive world for all.
***
Photo credit: iStock