Yesterday I almost threw up in the bathroom at work.
Thankfully, I dodged all the cotton candy and the ice cream. So I knew that wasn’t the problem. But while I poured over my resume, the words she said echoed through my head over and over.
Nobody would hire me without a master’s
It sunk my entire day. Despite having someone recommend me for the job and an expert upstairs looking at my application materials, it was the one thing I absolutely didn’t need to hear that day. But naturally, instead of ignoring it, I completely internalized it.
I let something so simple defeat me, Y’all.
And it happened in an instant.
Last night I sprung up at 3 am, probably because of all this nonsense.
After 2 hours of reading, I finally put on a sleep meditation and fell asleep. Which was, of course, is where I realized what the actual problem was.
I lost my confidence. I’d let all of my positive energy turn to frustration and anger and resentment. I had done this despite a good day of eating, yoga moves at the gym and more than calmly ranting to a friend over the phone.
But there was this moment. This stupid little moment when I woke up in the morning (despite the ginormous gap in my sleep cycle) and I became conscious of all of it. I made the choice to shift consciousness. I made the choice to stop.
Yes, I meditated, but I also became grateful. I became present. And I became my biggest fucking fan again.
I missed being my #1. I missed waking up and feeling like, despite all the imperfections, I was gonna figure this shit out. Just as I always have.
I guess I just had to re-learn to be my own advocate again.
Because, truly, nobody will do this shit for you.
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Originally published on The Ascent
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