My neighbor had an 11 year old son. He wanted to buy some spray paint for a school project from Home Depot. He’d saved up his money. He mowed my lawn for a few bucks. I also took him out to lunch a couple of times a year.
When he mentioned he needed to get the paint, I offered to drive him. I was going to the same outdoor mall to pick up items from another shop there, so it was not out of my way. I figured after we finished our shopping we could have lunch and then I’d get us home. His Mom was happy to send him off with me since we were friends as well as neighbors.
When we got to Home Depot, I told him to run inside and get his paint, while I waited outside.
He came storming out a few minutes later. Turns out that they won’t sell children aerosol paint.
Everything would have been fine except for his attitude. He confessed to yelling at the cashier for not letting him buy the paint. That was inexcusable.
“We’re going back inside,” I told him.
“To get my paint?”
“Maybe. But first you need to apologize to that cashier.”
“What?”
“That is a working person doing his or her job. You don’t treat people like that.”
So I marched him into the store and up to the cashier, who looked at me warily. Was she about to get into another altercation?
“Go ahead,” I said to the boy, touching his shoulder.
He mumbled something.
“We can’t hear you. Try again.”
“I’m sorry,” he said.
“Tell her why,” I told him.
“I’m sorry for my attitude,” he said.
“He had no right to yell at you for doing your job,” I told her. “We’ve had a talk. He’s apologized. Would it be possible for him to buy the paint?”
“Are you his mother?”
“No,” I said. “But I’m friends with his mother and she is fine with him having the paint.”
“I’m sorry, I can’t sell it to him unless you’re his legal guardian.”
“What if I call his mother and she verifies that she is OK with it?”
The cashier shook her head reluctantly. “I could get into trouble.”
“I understand,” I said. “What if I want to buy the paint for myself? Can I do that?”
She shrugged.
I went ahead and got the paint. When we got back in the car, I gave him the paint and he paid me for it. Then I asked him if he would prefer a raincheck on lunch and he nodded.
“OK,” I said. “I’m proud of you for apologizing.”
When I dropped him off, I talked to his mother and explained what I had done.
“I hope that is OK,” I said.
“I appreciate it,” she said. “He struggles with his temper sometimes. I’m glad you had him apologize.”
This is one reason I am always happy to interact with her children. She is raising them to have good manners.
Everyone has emotions, and, especially for children, they can be overwhelming. It’s understandable that they act out sometimes. But what may seem cute when a two year old does it is not cute when the child has become a thirty year old man.
When parents give their children tools to manage their emotions, this helps them achieve their goals and have better relationships.
Of course, I did also teach the child that we could bend the rules — I bought him the paint after all. But his mother had authorized it. And he had apologized. I could see how tough that was for him. So I wanted to reward him.
Hopefully having to apologize to the cashier would help him control his temper better in future. I hoped he had learned to treat people with respect, even if he was angry at them.
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This post was previously published on Shefali O’Hara’s blog.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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