I release my partner from the obligation to complete me. I release my parents from the feeling they failed with me. I release my children from the need to bring me pride, so they can write their own paths to the rhythm of their hearts. I don’t lack anything. I cherish my essence, my way of expressing it, even if not everyone can understand me. I learn from all beings, all the time. I honor the divinity in me and you. — A Shamanic Nahuatl Blessing
The other day, I came across the above saying in my FB feed, and it feels incredibly personal. The words resonate with how my thinking has evolved over the years. I turned 56 this year, and like many of you, my life has had its ups and downs. I have lost parents, brothers, and marriage, but I have two incredible kids, a great husband, friends, and a lot of life still ahead of me.
How I let my past define me
In the past, I chose to live my life in terms of what I thought I should be doing. I put everything I did and who I was into my family. My goal was to have the perfect family and perfect life. I wasn’t obsessed, but I would often struggle to feel worthy of my blessings and worry about how I may let someone down. I put enormous pressure on myself.
Then when my marriage came to an abrupt end, I spent my days and nights questioning, “what did I do wrong?” “Who am I if not a wife?” “Where do I go from here?” “How will this affect my children?”
My kids were leaving the nest during this time, and my role in their life was quickly changing, and they did not need me in the same way as when they were younger. My husband didn’t need me, and the world was upside down.
Guilt and fear began consuming me. I was lost.
But over time, something began to change inside me.
Through prayer, friends, family, and a lot of time reflecting, I realized that I am important. My life matters, whether or not I am a wife, a mother, a sister, or anything to anybody. I felt a release of a life’s worth of expectations, from who my parents wanted me to be to who I thought I had to be for others.
I matter, exactly how I am, flaws and everything. I matter to me.
How I am choosing to define MY future
Soon after, life took on new meaning. Everywhere I would look, I could see things that felt personal to me. It was as if the universe was sending me signs. My favorite one is,
If nothing ever changed, there’d be no butterflies.
Life is an evolution, and I am still evolving. My story is far from over.
I continue to heal, and honestly, I feel better than I have ever felt. It has nothing to do with my family, my divorce, or my new husband. It has to do with me. I finally see myself as the fantastic, beautiful creature God/the Universe made me to be. No one but me decides who I am or who I will be tomorrow.
We carry so much baggage throughout our lives. Trauma from childhood, poor relationships, challenges along the way, some we cause, others are inevitable. They all have the power to shape us, but ultimately the decision of who or what we become is up to us.
I learn from all beings, all the time.
I don’t lack anything. And neither do you.
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