In 1998 severe postpartum depression plunged me into darkness.
As my depression lifted, weeks later my entire body ached, like the flu, only it wasn’t the flu.
I was exhausted and barely functioning but I had a newborn daughter who needed me. My husband helped when he wasn’t working, but neither of us knew what was going on.
I was depressed, anxious and overwhelmed.
Classic symptoms of new motherhood, combined with radical ambivalence about leaving a 20-year professional career I loved, to be at home.
After maternity leave, I returned to work part-time but I had a hard time focusing. My memory was never great but I had this weird brain fog I couldn’t shake. So I quit.
To the outside world I looked fine, but I was falling apart at home and work.
I went through the motions, dragged myself around, forced a fake smile. Autopilot.
When my daughter was six weeks old I went to a doctor who diagnosed me with fibromyalgia (FMS).
Back then FMS was a kitchen sink diagnosis.
Can’t figure out a patient’s chronic pain? Fibromyalgia or Epstein Barr virus. Both very real. Both debilitating, but neither it turned out, the right diagnosis.
After months of researching I realized my symptoms were caused by adrenal insufficiency (aka adrenal fatigue).
I should warn you all conventional doctors scoff at the term.
Medical school teaches adrenal-related Addison’s Disease and Cushing Syndrome, nothing in-between. Google “adrenal fatigue” and you’ll see pages citing adrenal fatigue as total bunk.
It’s not. Look up Dr. Michael Lam, MD., and Dr. James Wilson, ND., two experts in the field.
At the time I’d also been having mood changes, anxiety and mild depression. And at my worst insomnia, when bedtime anxiety crept in, sometimes I’d feel invisible “bugs” crawling on me. I was a mess.
Eventually I had a full-blown down-on-my-knees sobbing nervous breakdown from lack of sleep.
Ambien and other sleeping pills just made me feel crazy the next day. Vodka at four am got me back to sleep but made me feel shitty in the morning (and alcohol disrupts REM sleep).
Eventually I ordered an adrenal fatigue test and consulted with the company’s nurse practitioner. Results confirmed I had adrenal fatigue. My mood issues were related, but also due to low levels of the neurotransmitters serotonin and GABA (I also ordered a neurotransmitter test).
Over two decades, I’ve learned that well-meaning conventional doctors don’t often take into account the complexity and underlying causes of health conditions.
In my case I have a rare but benign pituitary disorder called Empty Sella Syndrome (ESS). I was diagnosed at 19. It doesn’t shorten life span but it does affect fertility, hormones, mood, sleep and in some cases, adrenal functioning.
You might have adrenal fatigue.
Adrenal fatigue is common. You don’t have to have a rare disorder.
The adrenals, located on top of each kidney, do important work. They activate our “fight or flight” response (a car cuts you off, adrenaline surges, you swerve). They help keep you alert and alive.
But chronic stress increases the secretion of the adrenal hormone cortisol. Cortisol naturally ebbs and flows during the day and night and reduces inflammation.
If you’re constantly stressed (in chronic “flight or flight”) the natural ebb and flow of cortisol is disrupted, which in turn overloads your adrenal glands. Your engine can’t keep up.
Over time your adrenal glands become exhausted.
In the early stages you feel “wired but tired,” on edge, anxious, and unable to sleep.
But as cortisol production fights to keep up with relentless stress demands, the adrenal glands can’t pump out adequate cortisol levels.
In the later stages you feel achy and drained (like with the fibromyalgia I thought I had). Barely able to get out of bed, but still plagued by insomnia. And your sex drive completely dies.
A functional medicine doctor with a thorough knowledge of treating adrenal fatigue, can create a healing plan that includes nutrition, supplements, hormonal support, rest, gentle exercise and stress-coping strategies (including learning how to say no to people).
Second guess all medical advice.
In fairness, my endocrinologists did what endocrinologists are trained to do. They monitored a few key pituitary hormones for my ESS, but they never tested me for adrenal insufficiency despite worsening symptoms.
I ached all over and felt dead tired but my endocrinologist’s response? “Your labs are within normal limits. Have a nice day.”
And my very nice, very competent Ob & Gyn wrote prescriptions for my low hormones (due to my ESS) but she essentially knew nothing about ESS or adrenal issues.
Each physician grasped a small picture of what was going on. Neither solved my health issues.
It took doing my own extensive research, near total collapse and finding an integrative/functional MD for me to feel better.
My new doctor (shout out to Dr. Sangeeta Pati) measured my DHEA levels (another adrenal hormone) and with a sad but encouraging smile told me,
“My dear, you have the lowest DHEA level I’ve ever seen in my practice. I don’t know how you get up in the morning. But no worries, we will fix this.”
Emphasis on we. A partnership.
I almost started crying. She listened. She got it.
Before I found Dr. Pati I’d done hundreds of hours of research on possible causes of my body aches, mood changes, insomnia and lifetime low blood sugar.
I looked at the root causes. Biochemical, emotional, psychological, situational: childhood trauma, new motherhood, ambivalence about leaving my 20-year career to stay at home, etc.
Mind and body. It’s impossible to separate the two. What you think and what you feel, trigger a cascade of chemical responses in the brain and body. In both directions, positive and negative.
Become your ownwell-vetted health advocate.
Conventional medicine doctors don’t have all the answers. They have some answers. So do your own research. But not random Dr. Google that sends you down rabbit holes.
Serious research. The Mayo Clinic, Web MD, Medline, PubMed. The National Center for Complementary and Integrative Health.
Evidence-based alternative medicine.
I’m 100% on board with alternative medicine but not when someone runs to their doctor with “articles” suggesting that bleach cures COVID-19, or that the x,y,z herb cures breast cancer (It might, but where’s the long-term peer-reviewed research?).
Look for a meta-analysis. An aggregate statistical analysis of all research on a particular treatment or supplement/herb.
Don’t let healthcare practitioners talk down to you.
I’ve met more than a few misinformed or arrogant doctors who refused to listen. Doctors who treated me like a child.
Case in point, when I got Shingles.
I was on vacation at the beach when my daughter noticed a nasty rash on my back. I immediately drove to a walk-in clinic. The doctor told me I had Shingles, but fortunately, I’d caught it early.
So I took the anti-viral he recommended and did alternative medicine therapies that I’d thoroughly researched.
I healed faster than everyone I knew who got Shingles, and I had no long-term post-Shingles nerve pain. But when I told my primary doctor what I did to heal faster, she smirked and ignored my comments.
I found a new doctor.
Patients are paying customers. And doctors with closed minds and inflated egos don’t work for me. Bedside manner matters, a lot. Doctors who disagree with you need only smile, nod and politely tell you that they can’t recommend what you suggest. I get it.
Wellness is our natural state. At every age.
Don’t settle for statements from friends or your doctor like, “Everyone sleeps poorly as they age.” Not true. “Aging sucks.” Sometimes.
“I’m older now. I just can’t do what I used to do.” Yes, to a degree.
At my age (58) I now hate my once-a-week jogging. It hurts like hell so I rarely do it. And if I do, I slow down or power walk. I still have insomnia (but much better), and I’m trying to cure presumably “incurable” microscopic colitis.
Fight against the belief that aging has to feel horrible by default. That disease is only a matter of time. That aging is the inevitable downturn in quality of life. The mind will happily go along with whatever you tell it.
Women, get an annual breast thermogram.
The sad reality is every woman I know has battled breast cancer or knows someone who has.
One reason is our daily exposure to estrogen-like substances in everyday products (lotions, etc.) called xenoestrogens. High estrogen raises the risk of breast cancer.
Another cause is inadequate early detection. I mean really early. When physiological changes in the breast first begin. Long before a lump is found by other imaging.
Every year I get a breast exam, a bi-annual breast ultrasound and a bi-annual breast thermogram. I used to get regular mammograms. Now I don’t. My last was three years ago after an abnormal ultrasound (ultimately all fine). This is a decision you should discuss with your healthcare provider.
I strongly recommend women add breast thermography to their breast health plan.
Thermography is the earliest tool available to detect changes in breast tissue (often caused by toxins, lifestyle factors, estrogen dominance — aka not enough progesterone) or excess estrogen.
The procedure is painless, non-invasive and relatively inexpensive (but not covered, $250-$350).
Patients sit on a stool a few feet in front of a special high-resolution camera, while a trained breast thermographer (a woman) takes breast images from several angles.
The thermographer sends your images to a physician trained in breast thermography data interpretation. The interpreting physician may offer a consultation for a minimal fee. She will discuss the results and what you can do to reduce your risk of breast cancer.
Let me be clear, thermography is not an approved (first-line) breast cancer screening. It doesn’t detect cysts or tumors. It doesn’t replace a mammogram.
Thermography detects heat and blood vessel changes in tissue. Heat changes in the breast suggest inflammation and imbalance. Inflammation is the precursor to all disease.
Women can take immediate steps to reverse breast imbalance (carefully monitored bioidentical hormone replacement, dry brushing, lifestyle changes, poke oil).
*It’s critically important to find a certified thermographer who works with an MD trained in breast thermography. I use Florida Medical Thermography.
Add Argentyn 23 to support your immune system.
Years ago I asked Dr. Pati what she takes when she feels a cold or flu coming. She told me Argentyn 23. It’s a safe powerful antiviral, antibacterial, small particle silver.
Silver you say? Like the stuff that turns you blue?
Nothing like that.
My husband, daughter and I took Argentyn 23 one to three times a day during COVID and we never got COVID. This isn’t a brag, it’s just a fact (I did get COVID this past Halloween, 2023).
Yes we wore our masks but we also went out a lot. Pre-vaccine and post.
To restaurants, stores, the gym (a petri dish of germs), malls, the beach, hotels. In case you’re wondering if I’m one of those rabid anti-vaxxers? No. I got the vaccine and two boosters.
There’s peer-reviewed science behind small-particle (nano) silver.
I can’t sing its praises enough.
My family also takes vitamin C, D, zinc and elderberry when we feel a cold coming on. The key is to attack even the slightest symptoms aggressively and immediately.
At the first sign, even at 2 am when you’re too tired to get up and take your arsenal of supplements, do it anyway. And keep doing it religiously. For weeks.
I wasn’t doing this before I came down with COVID. I got lazy. And I didn’t slow down when I felt strangely exhausted.
Set personal boundaries & get rid of toxic people.
I’m sure you’ve seen the memes about setting personal boundaries and getting rid of toxic people. And you think, hell yeah, I set boundaries!
But do you? I know it’s hard.
Especially with close friends and family. We want to avoid confrontation. We don’t want to ruin a long-time relationship.
But if you value your mental and physical health (entwined), you have to create personal boundaries, and remove yourself from toxic people.
Mean, shitty people (yes I know, hurt people, hurt people) who continuously don’t make you feel good about yourself, people you don’t trust, they don’t deserve you.
How do you know who gets a second or third chance?
Ask yourself how you feel every time you’re around this person.
Year after year. Week after week. Are they at least trying to get better? Are they self-aware?
Are they taking real strides to be less critical? Less judgmental? To stop blaming and acting like a victim or martyr?
Are they getting help for addiction or anger issues?
Set boundaries with people for how you expect to be treated, and stick to them. Sadly, I had to do this with a friend and with my opioid-addicted brother.
Setting boundaries includes your 85-year-old mother or grandmother who might never change, but who should be told respectfully yet firmly, to keep her bigoted or hurtful views to herself.
If loved ones refuse to listen, they can stay home for Thanksgiving.
Yes I know, harsh.
But I apply the same rules to myself.
If I act shitty and don’t change despite gentle, then not-so-gentle warnings, surely I should reap what I sow?
Boundaries apply to every person, at every age. No matter how much you love them.
Reclaim your mind and body wellness. There’s a lot you can do to take back control from doctors, from toxic friends and family. You deserve nothing less.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
What Does Being in Love and Loving Someone Really Mean? | My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me | The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex | The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence |
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