I am not the kind of a girl who will purposely give wrong signals to a guy for things she doesn’t wish to engage in. For example, sex.
But the guy I had befriended didn’t understand or didn’t want to understand the signal I was giving him that I was not available for any kind of relationship, definitely not a physical one.
I met this guy, Akash, on a dating app in 2018. I was heartbroken after my breakup and I was in dire need of a new friend. I set the tone straight from the day I met him that I was only interested in friendship.
But he turned out to be the typical Indian guy who only wants to sleep with girls, whether they want or not.
The party proposal
31st December was fast approaching. Akash asked me about my plans. I told him I am not a party person and I preferred staying at home.
He insisted I accompany him to a New Yearās party in a resort that is only an hour and a half drive from my residence.
He told me there would be a fancy dinner spread, music, dance, performance by various artists, games, basically a fun night. Everything sounded great but I had known Akash only for a few months and spending an entire night out with him was just not ME.
But he kept on insisting that nothing wrong will happen and he will ensure that I am safe and that we reach home in time. At this point, I was trying to remember what vibes I got from him when we hanged out together.
Honestly, there were mixed vibes and that confused me more.
But after a lot of coaxing, I said yes. Still not sure and happy about my decision. There was something that was saying this was not correct. But I let it pass thinking it will get clearer with time.
A day before 31st December
Akash kept sharing his excitement about how much fun we would have together. But I couldn’t feel the happiness reaching my heart. Perhaps, I was looking for a reason to cancel this whole thing.
Thatās when Akash sent me some pictures of hotel rooms from the OYO app. An app used for booking rooms.
At first, I didn’t understand a thing. Then he called and asked which room looked the best and I told him my option. It was then I came to know, the room was being booked for us, in case, the party gets over early or if we want to āāRESTāā for a while, we could use that room.
āāThat fucking son-of-a-bitchāā
My heart got a full 360-degree closure. The thing that was pinching me since the time he announced his new plan was nothing but his cheap intentions.
The party was just an excuse to sleep with me.
I was agitated at him but I controlled myself. I knew I had to get out of this but smartly. I decided to put him through a test that would kill two birds with one stone ā
I will know of his real intentions.
If I should continue any sort of relationship with him from now on.
The denial
I called him that evening I will not accompany him to the New Yearās Party. As expected, he got very upset. It seemed he was trying to control his temper.
āāBut why can’t you come Bhavna. What happened all of a sudden. You were okay till this morning then what changed. You know I have paid for the room right?āā
āāYes, I didn’t say anything till this morning and I know you have booked the room but I feel this is wrong. This is not me. Spending night with a guy and that too in a hotel room. No. Sorry but I am not going. You can cancel the booking.āā
āāI just can’t believe this. I always knew you were different than other girls, but I didn’t know you were so selfish. I trusted you and booked the room. If you were not okay, you should not have accepted in the first place. I don’t know, you have to come now. Don’t spoil my mood, Bhavna.āā
āāYou canāt force me if I don’t want to.āā
āāBut what happened. What changed your fucking mind. At least tell me that.āā
āāA thought just crossed my mind. If my mom and dad were alive, would they like their daughter spending the night with a guy she barely knows? In fact, they would not even like this if I spent the entire night with my fiancee as well. I think I am taking too much freedom just because they are not around and it would be right to cancel this idea. I don’t want them to feel ashamed of me.āā
āāWhen you said yes to this plan, that time your parents didn’t cross your mind. But when I told you about the room, suddenly you became all traditional Indian girl. Go and fool someone else. You are a hopeless coward selfish girl. You have spoilt my entire year and the coming year as well. I feel I wasted my time with you. Just do whatever you want. But I am telling you, this is not right what you have just done.āā
The after-effects
His reaction assured me his intentions were wrong and he was not the kind of guy I could see my future with. To be honest, I hadn’t used my parents as an excuse but had confessed my true emotions to him. But he didn’t understand.
Now I feel thankful to God he didn’t.
This is one of the many incidents where the mere mention of my parents has saved me from many wrong people entering my life. It is for these reasons I feel they are always with me to protect me and I am so grateful to both of them.
As for Akash, he stopped talking to me after this incident until one day he required money for his failing startup. And he thought I was the angel waiting for him to ask for help.
Obviously, I didn’t help him with anything and I also gifted myself peace by blocking him from my life. FOREVER.
Lessons learned
- There are no mixed vibes. You either get good vibes or you donāt.
- Never say āyesā to something that is against your values.
- If the person is genuinely good, he will understand your refusal.
- You always own the right to make the right decisions for yourself.
- Borrow time to take decisions when you need to reflect on certain aspects before making any decisions.
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Previously Published on medium
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