And yet, we remain emotionally malnourished as our relationships have become deficient in the ability to trust and explore possibilities.
Possibilities of growth.
Possibilities of coherence.
Possibilities of moving beyond the conditioned patterns of society.
But we choose to remain in the status quo even though the hunger pains for stable relationships remain unfulfilled, leaving us deprived and unaware of our blind spots.
I found myself at a similar crossroads. Wanting more fulfilling relationships with my husband, family, and friends but unaware of the role I played in creating that reality.
I perceived that I was communicating.
I perceived I was listening.
I perceived I was empathizing.
I perceived I was in charge of my emotions.
I perceived everyone thought like me.
These blindspots of my reality prevented me from accessing the possibilities available within my relationships.
I Am Communicating
When we communicate from a place of ‘I’ and not ‘We’ are losing out on the possibilities of creating a relationship of trust.
Being a former sales representative, I fell into the communication void of tell-yell-sell. When I would talk to my family, I noticed I was constantly telling and selling them on various subjects from healthy eating to the proper way of putting the toilet paper roll on. Soon they all tuned me out.
The other blindspot of “I Am Communicating” comes from our addiction to being right. When we are so focused on being right, we lose the ability to create trust with other.
I Am Listening
The Human brain was designed by evolution to recognize patterns to develop story representations, from sensory, that match the reality of our world. When we are communicating and developing a relationship this blind spot shows that the “listening” assumptions come from the speaker when in reality it comes from the listeners.
I was unaware that in order to make meaning of what I was hearing I had to, subconsciously, draw out from my vault of past experiences. Therefore what I hear may be based on past memories and beliefs.
I Am Empathizing
For humans to access the area of our brain needed for empathy we need to get out of the fear centers of our brain and move to our Prefrontal Cortex. Once we are here, we can utilize our ability to access our mirror neurons and put ourselves in someone else’s shoes.
I discovered when I was in fear I either jumped to conclusions or judged from a biased perspective.
I Am In Charge of My Emotions
When we aren’t aware of how our “Inner Commentator” takes over our ability to process emotions and creates a narrative that isn’t true.
The “Inner Commentator” is the voice inside your head that is giving you a play by play commentary of your life based on subconscious patterns and beliefs.
When our “Inner Commentator” is in charge of our emotions we either:
- Create lies
- Obsesses over negative thoughts
- Feed our addiction to drama
When my Inner Commentator took over, and it still does at times, I discovered I created a story, around my relationships, that wasn’t true.
Everyone Thinks Like Me
This blind spot is an assumption that others see and understand our reality. When we are attached and preoccupied with our narrative, we are unable to see life from someone else’s perspective.
The egocentric and narcissistic side of humans avoid relationships with people who don’t think like them. In fact, they will do everything in their power to persuade the other that their thoughts are wrong or bizarre.
I grew up thinking everyone was loyal, sharing, and were a person of their word. When I experienced relationships that were missing what I thought was important, I became resentful and frustrated.
When we are aware and understand that all humans have blind spots we can seek to understand them and their reality. In doing so, we conceive a new baseline for our relationships and our evolution to create endless possibilities.
Each of us is a product of programming that began centuries ago, and this year we can change that, but it’s not just a program that affects you, it’s a program that affects everyone around you. Understanding how centuries of dogma lead to group belief and eventually group suppression, you will discover your own blind spots preventing you from having the relationships of your dreams.
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