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Parenting can be a sensitive topic. Nobody likes to be told how to parent their own children. But sometimes we get so caught up by what we think is normal, that we fail to see the possible ill effects of what we’re doing.
Currently, we appear to have a generation of parents who coddle their children and hold their kids’ hands every step of the way. Widely known as “helicopter parents,” these adults put so many safety nets, guards, and structure around their sons and daughters that the kids are unable to experience life the way children experienced it for centuries in the past.
Whether you want to hear it or not, your coddling could be ruining your child’s future.
Coddling Children Has To Stop
“Coddling your children may seem like the best way to keep them safe and happy, but it can actually make them more uncertain and less confident as they get older,” says entrepreneur Kenney Myers.
Since we’re often blinded by our usual ways of thinking, here are some common signs that your son or daughter may be far too coddled:
· He or she can’t do anything on his own (even simple tasks like making the bed).
· He or she has low self-esteem.
· He or she feels entitled to things that other children would have to work for.
· He or she gives up after the first sign of failure.
· He or she doesn’t know how to handle disappointment.
· He or she demands instant gratification.
· He or she has an obsession with fairness.
· He or she expects to be rescued any time something goes awry.
Coddling rarely occurs in isolation. It’s a parenting style that develops over many years.
And before you realize it, your over-care has created a useless, self-entitled, anxious adult who is unable to function outside of your presence.
How To Embrace Free-Range Parenting
There is no one-size-fits-all prescription for parenting. But having said as much, you may find it helpful to tone down the coddling and give the idea of “free-range” parenting a try.
“Free range promotes independence, and it also builds resiliency in children,” Dr. Regina Pally writes for InMyArea.com.
“Resilience is the ability to recover more easily from emotional distress and to bounce back from mistakes and failure. When children discover they can solve problems on their own or be in distressing situations but manage on their own, they are more self-confident and resilient.”
You’ll have to tailor your free-range parenting style to the specific needs and circumstances of your family, but here are some worthwhile ideas and suggestions.
1. Give them responsibilities.
Children thrive on age-appropriate responsibilities and chores. For a toddler, this might be nothing more than picking up her toys before dinner.
For an eight-year-old, it could entail making his bed each morning. A teenager might be better off mowing the lawn and unloading the dishwasher.
2. Let them fail.
Your kids need to get over the idea that they should only attempt something if they’re certain to be successful. Let your kids sign up for things and take on responsibilities even when you know they might fall flat on their face.
If they fail, make them get back up and do it again. This is how resiliency is fostered.
3. Let them get hurt.
Kids have to experience pain in order to grasp the consequences of life. Let your child walk outside barefoot and experience the pain of stepping on a pinecone.
Allow your little one to get too close to the stove and risk burning a finger on a pan. Let your kids be friends with people, even when you suspect they’ll let them down. Monitor their choices, but don’t insulate them completely from the threats (and lessons) of life.
4. Stop being their friend.
It’s a mistake to try perpetually to be your child’s best friend. In fact, you shouldn’t try to be his or her friend at all.
It’s certainly nice if your son or daughter likes you, but acceptance shouldn’t be your primary goal. Parent the youngster now, and you can become a friend when he or she has entered adulthood and left the house.
Adding It All Up
When you’re a parent, coddling and neglect are the two extremes. Society may often make you feel as if you have to pursue the former in order to avoid the latter, but this isn’t the case.
There’s plenty of space between these extremes. By resisting the temptation to coddle while staying involved in your kid’s life, you can raise an individual who is prepared to tackle the real world.
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This content is sponsored by Larry Alton.
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