If you don’t respect yourself, you can’t expect other people to respect you. It might be a tough pill to swallow, but it is absolutely true.
Do you respect yourself? Do you hold yourself in high esteem?
It might seem like a strange question, but it is important for the reason that if you don’t have self respect then you are less likely to find yourself worthy of going after the life you want.
Here’s some basic ways you can start laying the groundwork for higher levels of respect to yourself and from others at the same time.
Don’t Fumble the Ball
In other words, follow through!
If you had to give a rough estimate, what percentage of the time would you say that you actually do what you say you are going to do? Did you make it to the gym three times this week like you said you were going to? Did you clean your apartment like you intended to? Did you call your mom?
Following through on your word (to others, but especially yourself) is imperative to having self-respect. When you say you are going to do something but then end up dropping the ball and not following through, you communicate to yourself at an unconscious level that your own word should not be taken seriously.
Conversely, when you do follow through on your commitments, you see that you are a force to be reckoned with. You get shit done! You are capable. You are competent. You are able to push yourself and do what you need to do.
Respect yourself first and foremost by doing what you said you would do. Of course life circumstances will get in the way from time to time, or you will over-commit. If so, get back on the ball as soon as possible and use it as a learning experience.
You Must Have This
A lot is said of boundaries in our culture today, and for good reason, boundaries are an essential element of living a grounded and productive existence.
When people think of boundaries, they mostly think about having boundaries with other people, and this is definitely important! You can’t let other people walk all over you, talk down to you, disrespect your time, and not value you as a human being.
I would argue however that it is even more important to first have boundaries with yourself. What do I mean by boundaries with yourself?
Let’s use an example as it pertains to your health. Do you allow yourself to over-indulge in foods that are bad for you and have low nutritional value? Do you not carve out the time necessary to go to the gym and workout? Do you have poor boundaries around rest and sleep and instead stay up an extra two hours playing Call of Duty?
How about with your ambitions? Are you actually carving out the time on a daily basis to work on that book or that personal project?
What about how you talk to yourself? Do you beat yourself up after every mistake calling yourself horrible names, or are you able to forgive yourself while also taking the lesson to heart and moving forward?
No matter how you cut it, you have to have standards in your life. This applies to both what you accept from others, but especially what you accept from yourself. Have standards, have boundaries.
Remember who is #1
Of course I mean you…duh!
Are you acting like it though? Do you practice the self care that you know you need to practice? I know I continuously harp on the health thing, but being healthy is an absolute non-negotiable when it comes to practicing self-care in your life. Self care and being healthy are the same thing essentially.
“The first wealth is health”-Ralph Waldo Emerson
Are you keeping up your appearance in order to feel your best? I don’t know about you, but getting a haircut is one of my favorite things. I love the clean feeling afterward, and would say it definitely boosts my confidence by a small margin.
Take care of yourself by practicing good hygiene. Shower regularly, wear clean clothes which fit you well, and take care of your damn teeth as well. Floss every single day, seriously. I attribute flossing daily to how I have made it to this point in my life without any real dental problems to speak of.
Do everything you need to do to make sure that your cup is as full as it can be.
After you have done all that, then you can treat yourself with a nice new pair of shoes, or an evening chilling out watching a good movie.
One Powerful Word
The more you learn to have respect for yourself the more you will start to learn about what it is you really want out of life. When you start to realize more of what you want, the more you will have to practice discerning what is right and what is wrong for you.
Be able to say the word “No” when you need to.
“No, I can’t commit to that project.”
“No, I’m not interested in going to that party.”
“No, I can’t loan you money.”
You don’t do this to be mean. You do this for self preservation.
Always saying yes, even when deep down you don’t actually mean it communicates to yourself and others that your needs are not as important as others.
I get it, saying “No” can be a hard thing to do and can sometimes cause friction with others. This is better than the friction which results from us resenting others and ourselves for committing and doing things we never wanted to do in the first place and thus feeling used.
It will be better for everyone in the long run when you can discern what your needs are and just be real about it.
This Speaks Volumes About Who You Are
Finally, you can tell a whole hell of a lot about yourself simply based on your interactions with other people. How do you treat others in your life?
Do you treat others with kindness, dignity, and grace? Or are you snarky, condescending, and passive aggressive?
The thing is, how you treat other people is a reflection of how you see yourself. If you are somebody who is always self-attacking, then you are going to be more inclined to treat others in the same kind of manner, and this will not win you any friends. As the saying goes, “hurt people hurt people”.
When you treat other people with kindness and dignity, you communicate to yourself that you are worthy of the same from yourself and others. This doesn’t mean you have to lay it on super thick or anything, but be genuine and be kind. Look people in the eye and acknowledge that you see them as being on the same level as you.
I know because I used to be much more passive aggressive and somewhat snarky some years ago when I didn’t like myself as much, and it was all really a sad attempt to try and boost my ego. My shitty attitude towards others was a direct reflection of what I felt on the inside, and what I felt was a lack of self-love and self-esteem at the time. Now, the more I grow, the more I see how I get what I give out to the world. If that is negativity I give out, then I get that back. If it is positivity I give out, I get that back as well.
“I speak to everyone in the same way, whether he is the garbage man or the president of the university.”-Albert Einstein
You Are…
Just remember you are worthy!
Just remember you are worthy and deserving of respect, but the respect first and foremost needs to come from yourself before you can expect it from others.
You can do it, start taking these small steps today!
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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.
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