You feel broken in a place deep inside. It hurts to breathe. It hurts to think. It hurts to be. Until one day …
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I lost you. Or I lost me. At least the me I was when I was with you.
Maybe you were never really “mine” to begin with.
Maybe I was never mine either.
Maybe we never really belong with someone else until we belong to ourselves.
Maybe we never truly belong to anyone else. Only ourselves. Maybe belonging is an outdated concept.
Or maybe I’ve just never understood what it meant until now.
Falling in love over and over isn’t for the faint at heart. It can sound weak and pitiful and dysfunctional and needy until you realize that it means risking your heart at every turn. Your whole heart. With no protective armor to hold you safe; no moat around your castle to keep you protected.
It means you risk it all. For Love you’re willing to risk everything.
Falling in love over and over isn’t for the faint at heart. It can sound weak and pitiful and dysfunctional and needy until you realize that it means risking your heart at every turn.
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And it’s a chance you’re willing to take. Risking your entire heart, because you hold nothing back. You know that holding back only hurts later, and that’s not a chance you want to take.
The question of “if only I…?” isn’t a game you want to play with yourself. You want to be ALL IN. All of now, in this moment, and in this place. With this person. Because when Love shows up, you know it deserves your full attention. It’s a precious gift. Like life itself. Love is the thing you take the biggest risks for.
And until you know how to risk it all — risk everything you know yourself to be — you’re only dipping your toes into the water.
You risk it all and open yourself up so that Love can work its magic on you, every single time you love. Love changes you. Love teaches you. Love shows you what you need to see.
And it’s solely your choice to open yourself up when you feel the familiar call of Love, when you feel the pull. Her siren song singing a sweet serenade that only you can hear. You fall. You trust. You allow yourself to get swept away. You open. You allow. You believe.
When you love: it’s fully. Totally. Exceptionally. Wholly.
The fire that burns hot takes you over, and burns you clean.
And when you hurt. You hurt deeply. Madly. Passionately. Fully.
Like an ache that you feel deep in your bones, but you know your bones aren’t broken. Or really hurting. It’s your heart your soul your essence that feels broken. Truly. Sadly. Deeply.
You feel broken in a place deep inside. It hurts to breathe. It hurts to think. It hurts to be.
Your skin feels everything, the lights are too bright, and your ears pick up every sound. It’s all too much. You sigh at the rate of the seconds ticking on the clock.
But you breathe. You keep breathing. In and out. You feel your own heartbeat, reminding you that you’re still here. You feel it deep in your chest reminding you that you may be bruised but you are certainly not broken.
And one day you look at yourself in the mirror of your soul and you say, “There“. Then in the mirror of your heart you say “There you are.” Then you venture toward the mirror that has no idea who you really are and you look in your own eyes and say, “You. That’s you. There you are — I see you.”
You keep breathing. In and out. You feel your own heartbeat, reminding you that you’re still here. You feel it deep in your chest reminding you that you may be bruised but you are certainly not broken.
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And the broken pieces start to hurt a little bit less each day. You breathe and it doesn’t hurt as much. You put your shoes on and go outside. You take your shoes off and stand barefoot in the grass. You laugh because you’re taking your shoes on and off.
You listen to the trees as they sway and breathe and you hear them sighing too. You hear the birds, and you smell the air. You feel the sun or the wind on your skin. And it doesn’t hurt. It warms you from the inside.
And slowly you heal.
One day you even hear yourself laugh. Loudly. You surprise yourself.
And then you know. You know yourself. You know you’ll heal.
You know one day you will love again. It’s who you are. You love. That’s what you do and it’s you are.
Love.
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Art courtesy of Chasity at Silly Stiks.com
beautiful, real and raw! thank you for opening and sharing your heart and soul for all of us!
I wish this were true. Some of us are permanently crushed. Unable to love again because the past hurt(s) were so profoundly devastating. A friend put it this way “When he wanted a divorce, my soul flew away”.
This came at the most perfect time. Thank you.
And thank you for sharing that, Karlson!
Perfect. xo
Cabot, thank you. I know you mean it.