Have you ever dated someone who continuously left you in limbo?
Someone who always pulled away when things got more serious and refused to have any kind of talk about sharing a future together?
If the answer is yes, chances are you were involved with a non-committal person.
The term is usually used to describe a person who refuses to commit themselves and invest in a future with you and displays untrustworthy behavior that makes you constantly question your relationship and your place in it.
Falling for a non-committal person can be an emotional rollercoaster with challenging effects on your emotional wellbeing. That’s why it’s important that you learn to recognize the early signs that indicate non-committal behavior in a man or woman you’re interested in.
Let’s take a look at them, shall we?
…
#1. They Can’t Handle Serious/Deep Conversations
One of the signs that indicate a person might not be in a place where they can commit themselves to you, is when they avoid engaging in serious or deep conversations.
I’m talking about conversations that center around:
- their past
- their feelings towards you
- their life goals
- a future with you
- their fears
- things that make them emotional
If you notice that your partner avoids talking about most of the above topics, refuses to open up, and prefers small-talk, it could mean that they prefer to keep things between you on a surface level — and thus, don’t plan on investing in you and your relationship.
…
#2. They Struggle With Intimacy & Affection
The reasons behind someone’s struggle with intimacy and/or affection can be many. It goes without saying though, that usually, that struggle can be connected with a person’s reluctance to commit themselves to a relationship.
Why? Because intimacy and affection don’t always come easy in relationships. They both require the ability to be vulnerable, transparent, open up to another person, and invite as well as show trust.
All of these things require some risk, work, and time — which, a non-committal person isn’t in the place to give.
For example, they might:
- avoid connecting emotionally with you
- avoid sharing personal things with you
- pull away from deep conversations
- become uncomfortable when you initiate intimacy or affection
It’s important to remember that your partner might need more time than you to open up and feel comfortable with showing affection and initiating intimacy.
If, however, you’ve been seeing someone for quite some and what you have between you feels more like a friendship than a partnership, maybe you’re dealing with a non-committal person.
…
#3. They Repeatedly Leave You Guessing
Another sign that indicates you might have found yourself with a non-committal person, is when that person repeatedly leaves you guessing about various aspects of your relationship.
For example, they might leave you wondering:
- when they’re going to talk to you
- about where they are and what they’re doing
- about missed calls and unanswered text messages
- when your next date is going to take place
That kind of behavior not only screams reluctance to commit, but it’s also immature and insensitive.
Someone who doesn’t know what they want, doesn’t make their feelings and intentions clear, and continuously makes you question your relationship and your place in it, shouldn’t deserve a place in your life.
…
#4. They’re Always Busy
You know that old saying that goes, “when someone wants to see you, they’ll always find time for you”?
What about when the opposite happens though — when your significant other continuously puts long gaps between your dates under the excuse of “being busy”?
Well, that’s another sign your partner — or the person you’re interested in — isn’t ready or doesn’t want to truly invest in your relationship.
Admittedly, there will always be times where you’ll have to step back and give your partner some time and space so that they can focus more on their work and responsibilities.
But when they repeatedly tell you that they can’t spend time with you because they’re oh, so incredibly busy, maybe they aren’t truly interested in something serious.
…
#5. They Don’t Want Any Labels
Someone who takes your relationship seriously and wants to have a long-term future with you sooner or later will want to have “the talk”.
You know, the talk that surrounds topics like commitment and exclusivity. The talk that clarifies whether you and your partner are serious about your relationship or if you’re just looking to pass the time.
If someone, however, avoids those topics like the plague, doesn’t want to address your feelings, and refuses to put a label on your relationship, it’s probably a sign that they’re a non-committal person.
Usually, people who say they “don’t do labels” are using that as an excuse so that they are not tied to certain relationship expectations or commitments.
…
A Parting Piece of Advice
If you’re currently involved with a non-committal person, it would be wise to reconsider your relationship and your place in it.
Of course, if you’re not looking for commitment and want something casual yourself, you don’t have anything to worry about.
But if you’re currently in a place where you want to settle down with someone and build a serious, long-term relationship with them, staying with a person who doesn’t intend to commit themselves to you is a loss of time and emotional energy.
And don’t get me started on the confusion, pain, and heartbreak these people usually cause.
Remember, you shouldn’t let yourself get attached to a person who can’t meet your needs. And if one of those needs is a committed relationship, then a non-committal person isn’t the right one for you.
—
This post was previously published on medium.com.
***
You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
—
Photo credit: iStockPhoto.com