In the modern dating world, spotting a player is easier said than done.
They’re usually awfully charming, witty, and intuitive. They know exactly what to say and when to say it in order to get you hooked and keep you interested for a long, long time.
Sadly, they also have a fondness for playing with people’s hearts.
Dating a player always ends in heartache, which is why it’s essential that you learn how to guard yourself against their charms.
Here are five red flags you should keep an eye out for, that can help you identify them next time one tries to win you over.
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Red Flag #1. They Always Say and Do the Right Thing
Players are persuasive sweet-talkers.
They know what to say to get you hooked, what to do to make you feel flattered, and how to act to keep you interested and attracted to them.
As mentioned in this article in PsychologyToday:
“They are charming — they have to be — and often intuitive about women’s emotions, knowing which buttons to push to make women feel both flattered and attracted.”
We’re talking about a highly advanced game — one they’ve played with dozens of romantic interests before — and plenty of opportunities to study human psychology and know what you want to hear.
Everyone loves a charmer, but if the person you’re currently dating seems incredibly charismatic and too good to be true, maybe you should take a step back and keep yourself from getting too excited.
Better safe than sorry, right?
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Red Flag #2. They’Re Noncommittal About When You’re Seeing Each Other Again
Sending mixed signals, making last-minute plans, lacking consistent communication, failing to commit to plans ahead of time.
All these are signs that indicate a person doesn’t want to commit themselves to you, not even when it comes to the frequency of your dates.
You may find yourself waiting for this person’s call or text and getting increasingly frustrated and anxious. You might feel like you don’t know where you stand with them or even fall into the trap of thinking you’re the one who does something wrong.
What you need to keep in mind is that everyone gets busy at times, but, when someone is truly interested in you and is emotionally available, they will want to make plans with you and won’t leave you hanging.
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Red Flag #3. They Flee From Emotionally Charged Situations
You can tell a lot about the way a person feels about you by noticing how they react and treat you when an emotionally charged situation arises.
Do they comfort you when you’re feeling sad or make up an excuse to leave? Do they stay by your side when you show your vulnerable side or do they run away?
The latter, of course, are red flags that indicate player behavior, since a player usually feels uncomfortable showing their emotions and being present in emotionally charged situations.
As psychotherapist Sherry Gaba explains in her article in Psychology Today:
“People who are not comfortable showing their emotions strive to avoid any type of emotional situation. They may not want to be present for goodbyes, and they may create conflict to “blow up” a potentially emotional discussion, or they may simply not respond to an attempt to show appreciation, recognition, or love.”
Red Flag #4. Your Relationship Revolves Around Sex
The most obvious sign the person you’re dating is a player is that your relationship revolves around sex.
Of course, the frequency of sex varies from couple to couple and so does their sex drive.
And even though regular sex is usually an important part of romantic relationships, it’s one thing to have a strong sexual connection and another for sex to be the only driving force behind the relationship.
If you’re spending 90% of your time together in your bedroom, that’s a sign your partner is only interested in a physical relationship — as all players do.
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Red Flag #5. His Lifestyle Screams Player
Our lifestyles reveal a lot about who we are inside; what we enjoy, what our life goals are, and where we are heading in life.
And although you shouldn’t rush to judge someone based on their profession, habits, or friends, sometimes, a specific lifestyle might scream that person is a player.
For example, let me give you a specific character profile. Let’s say you meet a bartender with a flirtatious personality, who’s always on the move, goes to parties every other day, and has a history of short flings.
Wouldn’t the thought that they’re a player cross your mind?
That doesn’t mean, of course, that everyone who works as a bartender or likes going to parties is a player, but when all of these things are combined, the chances are pretty high.
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The Bottom Line
Dating a player is an emotional rollercoaster that’s bound to suck all of your emotional energy and fill you with stress and frustration.
And even though being charmed by a player is a trap anyone can easily fall into, there is a way to guard yourself against their charm:
Make sure you pay attention and keep an eye out for the following red flags:
- they always say and do the right thing
- they’re non-committal about when you’re seeing each other again
- they run away from emotionally charged situations
- the relationship you have formed is centered around sex
- their lifestyle itself is evidence they are a player
It’s important to remember that you can’t change a player. If you recognize the above signs in someone you’re dating, don’t ever think that you’ll change them with love and affection.
Do yourself a favor and step away from people who only want to play with your heart.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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