The fantasies you’ve envisioned in your head with ‘almost-relationships’.
Maybe they even led you on and before you know it, you’re picturing them as your partner. You start wondering how long your relationship with them would last — or even how your future babies with them would look like.
The butterflies won’t stop flapping their wings as if they think they’ll soon be free to fly free. Trust me, I know what that feels like.
All these, and they may not even know you like them, or even if you exist.
The emotional investment is real and it can be tough to understand that it just isn’t meant to be. But there are somethings you can do that will make it easier to move on and I’ll tell you what they are right now!
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Acknowledge your feelings
Your emotions are not silly — I personally believe all emotions are valid one way or another.
You may think you don’t have the right to feel sad, frustrated, or even angry about the way you feel about somebody that isn’t your partner. But trust me, if you can feel it, it’s there. It is totally normal to feel that way.
The first step to getting over any emotional anguish is by admitting to it’s existence.
Bottling up your emotions like they don’t exist will only prolong your healing process. It might seem easier to do so at the time, but later, it will come back to bite you.
Allow yourself to feel your feelings. Just try not to get to obsessed with them.
Limit contact
The no-contact rule is commonly used improperly.
People like to use it as a sort of manipulative tactic to get their lost love to miss them and reach back. But I believe it should be used to heal instead. When we stay away from people for our own good, we are telling our brain that we can live without them.
If they do come back and you want to take them back, then it’s an extra bonus and not the point.
If you find yourself constantly stalking their social media profiles or hoping to bump into them, it might be time to keep some distance.
You need to do this so you can detach from your need to be around them
Focus on yourself
I don’t believe it is selfish to value yourself above all else.
If you don’t love yourself enough to understand that taking care of ‘you’ is paramount, why should anybody? It is very easy to forget this.
When we get a new found love interest, it is easy to forget about ourselves. We get so consumed in the other person that we forget about the things we used to do before we found them. Because we forget about these things, we start thinking we can’t live without the person.
But we can though.
We’ve been doing it for years!
This is a good time to remember the hobbies you used to have. You know, those things you get excited to do after you wake up. But not just hobbies though, you also need to start hanging out with friends again.
Basically, remember to connect with things you used to love doing before you met them.
Challenge negative thoughts
Don’t dwell on the ‘what ifs’ or the perfect relationship you could have had.
You deserve to be with someone that loves you just as much as you love them. Continuing to focus on the fantasy you’ve created about them will stop you from ever closing the book.
I have a fun exercise I like to do in times like these and I call it the ‘shit list’.
What I want you to do is write down a list of negative things you know or have seen them doing. If you can’t think of any, make it up. Vividly imagine them doing those things.
They started out as a fantasy, you can let them go out as a fantasy as well.
Sure, it’s not fair to the other person but its not about them. It’s about you, and they don’t have to know (wink, wink).
Open yourself up to new possibilities
Don’t prevent yourself from accepting new people and experiences because of one person.
Put yourself out there to see what happens. You may just attract something you never knew you wanted or needed but actually do. That’s the beauty of trying things out.
Join a club, go to parties, start causal conversations with people at the cafe or coffee shop. You never really know who you might meet.
You may just find someone that deserves your attention.
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That’s everything I use in my arsenal to defend my heart after it has been attacked.
The funny thing is most of these things are good advice from getting over someone you actually dated. Your brain really can’t tell the difference between a made up relationship and the real deal.
Just a food for thought.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
What Does Being in Love and Loving Someone Really Mean? | My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me | The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex | The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence |
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