Once in a while, I would remember him, the day that we first met and the last time I saw him. I can even remember the last movie we watched together, it was Pearl Harbor.
I still know when his birthday is, it falls on December 7, National Pearl Harbor Remembrance Day.
When I was working on cruise ships as a photographer I had one contract where I did the Hawaiaan cruise, which was a 15-day cruise.
It starts in Los Angeles, where passengers embark, and the cruise goes like this — 5 days at sea, 5 days at port, and another 5 days at sea en route going back to LA where the passengers disembark and a new cruise begins.
Hawaii is the closest I could feel to being at home. All the more because of Honolulu, and on my first cruise, I visited the Pearl Harbor National Memorial.
Love at first sight
I never get tired of playing on my mind how we serendipitously met at a dinner event. How we end up walking the streets while the moon was casting light upon us, like a quiet witness to two men finding each other.
How we ended up in a coffee shop to get to know each other, and how it felt that I never wanted the evening to end.
But as the evening ended, I forgot one thing — to give him my phone number.
. . .
To my surprise, I got a call from him, the morning after. It was early, and what we talked about has been lost in my memory. How he got my number remains a mystery.
As I walk by memory lane, I can still see the shadow of the smile I had on my face as I was listening to whatever story it was he was sharing with me.
Soon after we were working together on a project that we both thought would make us rich.
None of that happened, what happened was I fell in love with him.
. . .
Uptown Girl
I saw him every day. My office became ‘our’ office. We shared meals together. I took care of him. I guess that’s just the way I am with people I love, I serve them.
Men included.
Not every day was a good day. He irritated me sometimes, and he knows how to win me back, it always starts with him giving his innocent smile. And while I would pretend that it doesn’t work, he would come to kneel beside my chair, and with one hand on my lap, will say,
Or he would quickly apologize for whatever it was that made me frown. And after he wins me back, he would play our music — Uptown Girl by Westlife, would lip sync, and do his cute dance moves.
It went on for months. A lot of meals together, hearing Sunday mass together, and movie dates.
It was just us. He didn’t have a girlfriend, and neither did I.
I was in the closet.
I always felt he was too.
. . .
Until he came into our lives, a stranger who one day walked into the office. I never imagined he would be the guy that would tear us apart.
One day, I saw him less and less in the office. He was spending more time with the stranger.
And for months, I was at a loss. Did I say something? Did I upset him? I came up with nothing.
Until he came back to the office and asked me if I wanted to see a movie. There was a blank look on his face. The innocent smile that always wins me over wasn’t there. And the long pause between us felt like an eternity, I only broke the silence with,
. . .
Pearl Harbor
It was the only movie we wanted to watch. And all because we both love Ben Affleck and Josh Harnett, we both found them to be cute.
Also, I always tell him how I will never forget his birthday as it falls on the same day as Pearl Harbor Memorial Day.
I remember it was a matinee. He loves popcorn and we would always get the biggest bucket, and we would share and finish it together.
The number of times our fingers touched as we nibble on our popcorn, always ends up with a long pause, a nudge on my shoulder, him smiling at me and he would whisper in my ear,
I would always give him my perplexed look, as I try not to show him that I was trying to catch my breath.
Only the darkness inside the movie house saved me from further embarrassing myself.
. . .
After the movie, we walked our separate ways.
I kept on looking at him as he was moving away from where I stood. Until I noticed I had a book of his in my bag.
I quickly call his name out loud, the last time I would. He turned around, and I showed him his book, he only smiled at me, I could read his lips telling,
Tomorrow never came.
It was the last time I saw him.
I never had the chance to tell him I loved him.
It took me twenty years, the pandemic, and the death of my mom to finally had my closure when I sent him a message on LinkedIn.
Thank you for reading.
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This post was previously published on Age of Empathy.
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