As I brought a baby into the world, I retreated from it.
It started when I was pregnant — suddenly I didn’t want to hear about news or politics anymore. I’ve always been quite a politically engaged and (I like to think) well informed person. I went from closely following and discussing current affairs and writing about politics and volunteering in my spare time to studiously avoiding headlines.
The pregnancy hormones made me sensitive and I was trying to minimise stress for the sake of the tiny baby growing inside me.
I just couldn’t cope with a lot of the horrible news about the state of the world. I felt things more keenly. That news story about an earthquake and emergency services pulling children out of the rubble made me so upset. I was fatigued with news about climate disaster and political corruption. So I tuned it all out and looked inward.
Another part of it was just being consumed with wanting to spend all my time devouring content related to pregnancy, babies and parenthood. I had this enormous life change brewing and it was all I could think about. I wanted to learn as much as possible, prepare as much as possible.
I had no mental or emotional bandwidth for anything else.
This tendency solidified throughout my pregnancy, and in the final weeks I was especially trying to protect my emotional state and focus on thinking positively. For the oxytocin, you see. I bounced on a ball, sipped raspberry leaf tea and wrote my affirmations. No negative vibes allowed.
Then I actually had the baby, and my entire world became this tiny precious person.
I couldn’t think about anything outside of loving her. And even if I wanted to, I didn’t have time to do anything outside of caring for her. Basic self-care became a luxury, housework became a break. Staring into her eyes became my main past-time — in between endless feeds, nappy changes and naps, and fitting in feeding and washing myself here and there.
Me and my partner used to talk about politics and social issues, now we only talked about our baby — how absurdly beautiful she is, how many poops she had done that day, what time she would be taking a nap. Nothing else mattered and I retreated into my own small world.
…
And now I begin to emerge.
Slowly, one toe at a time. While my baby naps, I sometimes watch videos about my other interests and not just ‘5 best ways to sooth newborn baby’ and ’20 best sensory play ideas for baby’. I’m slowly starting to write again, although it’s about this. I crave conversations about the broader spectrum of human experience. I wonder what’s going on in the wider world outside my home bubble. I’m still a bit scared to look. I’ve missed so much, I feel so out of the loop.
Is it a problem?
I’ve done this for my mental health and to be 100% present with my baby, and I think it’s totally valid and understandable.
But it’s also kind of a problem.
Because if everyone does this, all of the time, then society will not change for the better.
Ignorance may be bliss for the ignorant, but it’s hell for the rest of us.
Let me confess. I used to kind of judge people for being so wrapped up in their own domestic life that they don’t know or care what’s going on in the world. Now, I totally get it. I get how easy it is to narrow your range of focus to what is literally impacting your family right here right now. When you have children, it’s so easy to do. And I imagine if you’re working outside the home as well then even more so. (I’m still on maternity leave so have the luxury of being able to cocoon myself away).
But here’s the thing. When most ordinary people don’t engage in civic responsibility, the ruling class can get away with murder. Corrupt governments and greedy corporations pass unfair laws and exploit the masses and pollute the world and people let them get away with it because they’re too damn busy with work and laundry and putting food on the table and paying bills and making their kids do homework.
When we’re not looking, the world is being pulled apart at the seams.
So although it may be good for my mental health in the short term, I feel guilty about tuning out, and I won’t do it for much longer. Honestly I don’t think it’ll even be good for my mental health in the long term. I thrive when I feel I’m living my values and contributing to the future I want. And that future feels more vital than ever now I have a child who will hopefully live to see the 22nd century.
So some time soon, once I’m sleeping a little better, I’ll step back into sustainability and political activism — so I can look my daughter in the eye when she’s older and tell her I did what I could to build a better world in these critical years of the climate crisis.
Soon. But for now, I’ll just gaze into her eyes a little longer. The world will still need saving in a few months, but she will never be so small again.
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What do you think, do you have children and have you struggled with the same feelings? Follow for more stories like this.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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Photo credit: Ben Karpinski on Unsplash