Some of the best dates I’ve ever had cost nothing or very little. Because what makes a great date is not the quality of the wine or the cost of the tickets. It’s the connection that you form with another human being.
Sometimes going on a traditional date can facilitate that. More often than not, it’s a hindrance. A layer of artificiality. A barrier.
Which is fine if you barely know the other person.
Thanks to dating apps and other artificial ways to meet potential mates, it makes sense to keep some distance at first. You don’t know anything about the person, after all, except what they put on their profile.
Once upon a time things were a different.
Prospective suitors would meet the parents. Circles of relatives and friends would make discreet inquiries. Often people in small towns grew up together and knew a person’s reputation.
Even when I was dating in college, people talked and friends warned friends about “octopii” and certain frat parties to avoid.
Now? For at least the first date, keep it public, make sure a friend knows where you’re at, and trust your gut.
But what if you’ve been friends with someone or it’s someone your brother or sister is friends with? What if it’s someone you feel comfortable with, but now you’re interested in exploring more?
Here are some types of dates I’ve had that cost very little or nothing at all. What made them even better? They often gave a greater sense of intimacy than the traditional dinner-and-a-movie trope.
Enjoying Nature
Go for a hike. A picnic. A walk. Play frisbee. Or find a swimming hole.
Explore a trail you’ve never tried before. Take your dogs if you have them. What better way to get to know someone than to get to know their dogs? If your pups don’t get along will you want to be with that person?
Keep things open ended. See how it goes. Hold hands if you want. Or sit close together while you enjoy a scenic view.
Don’t feel the need to talk. Enjoy the silence and listen to the birds or the burbling brook. Dip your feet into the water and splash each other.
If you are an active person who enjoys being outdoors — wouldn’t you love to find a partner who also enjoys it? What better way to discover this than an active date?
You’ll both be more relaxed. You’ll be able to focus on nature instead of watching every word you say. And you’ll quickly discover if the silence you share is warm and deep or awkward and uncomfortable.
Share Chores
I’ve had dates where we’ve done chores together. Not just cooking a meal together, though that can be fun. But other types of chores.
Where a man helped me plant a garden. Or where I kept him company while he changed his oil.
Again, this is not something you do with someone you’ve never met before. But if you’ve been friends for a while, offer to help him with an upcoming chore, or ask him to help you with one of yours.
Again, the focus is not on each other. Instead, you’ll be working together.
If he’s helping you plant a garden, you can have him hand you seedlings, spread mulch, dig, and water.
If he’s changing his oil, you can hand him tools while he’s doing that, help him dispose of it or get him a cold drink.
Again, this offers you a glimpse into his world, or him a glimpse into yours. Are you compatible? Doing chores together gives you a better handle on that than dinner-and-a-movie.
Museums
Maybe there is a quirky local venue that might be sort of hokey, but it could be amusing. You could laugh at some of the displays, or maybe actually learn something about your area’s history.
Or check out the local art, history, or science museum on their cheap day. Many such venues have a day set aside as a “free” or “discount” day. Use that as an opportunity to check out the displays.
One of my favorite dates was when the guy took me to the Dali Museum. I had never thought much of Dali, and neither did my date, but we were blown away by some of the exhibits. We ended up having some really deep, interesting, and fun conversations.
Theaters, Concerts, and Comedy
I’m not talking about expensive stuff here. I’m not talking about going to see the Red Hot Chili Peppers or the latest Broadway play.
I’m talking about stuff that’s inexpensive, easily accessible, local, quirky.
- Check out the local theater groups or university-run theater. Typically the prices are very affordable, the venues are more intimate, and there is more of a connection between the audience and the performers.
- During the summer, go to outdoor theater performances and outdoor concerts.
- Find local improv troops. There is nothing better than laughing together. If one of you ends up being called on stage — it will just add to the memories.
While cities are a natural place to find such things, I’ve lived in small towns that have had active small theaters, dance troupes, bands, musicians, and even summer symphony performances.
When I lived in Wichita Falls, during the summer, there was music on the green once a week. People brought lawn chairs or blankets and their lunch and listened to jazz, rock, blue grass, or country — depending on the group that was playing. Some of it was poor quality, some of it amazing.
In Boulder, Colorado, we’d go to the summer Shakespeare Festival. In Charleston, there were free jazz concerts and a “Brown Bag and Ballet”. In Austin, Zilker Park offers free theater including musicals.
For all of these events, there was at most a nominal fee. My date and I would each bring part of our picnic and share, having an inexpensive dinner and a show.
Evening performances quickly became romantic as the sun set and the stars came out.
If the show was great, we’d be happy. If it was awful, well, it hadn’t cost much, if anything. We could leave early, find a coffee shop, and laugh about it.
These kinds of things also are great if you aren’t sure you want to date someone. You can make it a group event and see how it goes.
Astronomy
If you or your friend has a telescope… going star gazing together can be very romantic.
With my ex, we once went into the mountains outside Denver at 2 in the morning to view the Leonid Meteor Shower.
Back when I was in college, a guy I was dating and I went out into the middle of an icy field to view Haley’s Comet through his telescope.
Not everyone is into this kind of geeky stuff, but if you are… it’s actually pretty romantic. You can pack a thermos of hot chocolate or coffee to share and hold hands to keep them warm.
Road Trips
Sometimes just taking a drive together can be a great date.
You can have a destination — like visiting the outlet mall together or visiting a nearby town. Or you can just go for a drive. Put on some tunes. If you hate the music your date loves, can’t stand the way they drive, and so on, well, that tells you a lot about your long term viability.
But if you can chill together and enjoy the journey…
OK with the price of gas today, this may not be a cheap trip. But it can be a lot of fun.
So, there you go. Some ideas for dates that won’t cost too much and will give you some insight into the other person.
I am fighting stage IV cancer. If you can help with medical bills, I would really appreciate it. Or if you enjoy my writing and would like to buy me a cup of coffee, that’s great too. Maybe someday I can return the favor.
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This post was previously published on Shefali O’Hara’s blog.
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