I can’t control everything. I’ve got to roll with those darned punches (and cliches).
This situation tightens the tension
It probably doesn’t happen all that often, but it happens to us.
We are already falling in love. Excited about our relationship, and serious about a growing level of commitment, we have many reasons to feel happy.
But neither of us planned to move in together so early on. We’ve only spent the night together a handful of times.
It happens out of chance and necessity. I recently moved in with a friend. After four months of renting a room from him, he announces (at random) that he’ll put his house on the market, and I’ll need to move out.
This frustrates me. But I’m too taken with my relationship to let myself feel overly upset. I might not keep him as a friend, but I have something better now.
I try to harbor no hard feelings. That’s life. Easy come, easy go. I’ve had to move many times in my life.
Searching my memory, I count a total of 25 residences, give or take. Many living situations don’t work out. Things come up, and often don’t go according to plan.
I make friends, I lose friends. I find a good place, then have to move soon after. That’s life. Adapting to that is an immutable reality.
I can’t control everything. I’ve got to roll with those darned punches (and cliches).
Years later, the house still hasn’t been sold.
This is life in the proverbial, godforsaken fast lane. Sometimes risks are worth taking.
A door slams in my face and another one kisses me
Where will I move to instead? I suppose I could argue with my friend, ask him to give me more time — and that might work. I can be persuasive.
But I treat it more like an amicable break-up. He has made his decision, so I’ll respect it, and move on.
First thing after I hear the news, I let my girlfriend know. I suspect she might offer to let me move in with her, because she is such a kind, hospitable, and warm-hearted person.
I know it would be a little risky to take her up on that. But at the same time, I’m daunted by how hard it could be to find a good place that I can afford.
My bank account gives me a blank look, that turns into an angry glare.
I’m earning just enough to support myself (a little more than minimum wage, full-time), and rental prices have become vampiric. One reason I moved into this place with my buddy was to save money.
He offered me a really good deal (a little too good to be true, I guess). Another dead end.
I gave up a situation that was already working very well for me (a quiet place I was comfortable in, with a landlord who hadn’t raised the rent on me in nearly five years).
I know I can probably find something, but I’m not thrilled by the idea. I’m just barely starting to save after a long period of being out of gainful employment.
The last time I paid to repair my broken 2001 Honda Civic, I nearly went broke myself. And the next time I might not be so lucky.
So, moving in with her sounds pretty appealing right now. I let her know about my tentative situation.
She responds as I imagined.
I’m almost ready to accept. It’d be an economic option to live with her, and a simple one. A decent, practical solution.
But even more importantly than all of this: her gesture touches and moves me, profoundly, on an emotional level.
Here’s a person offering to let me move in with her, after knowing me such a short time, to share her humble one-bedroom apartment, which is already quite small — because my situation seems to be falling through out of nowhere.
I just know she is there for me and cares about me. I feel that I have some deep insight into her from this offer, and I trust her.
This is the stuff that forges legendary relationships and long-enduring romances. It’s the kind of faith and love I want to find in someone, which could lead to a long and happy life together, to pass on our legacy down through time.
This is life in the proverbial, godforsaken fast lane. Sometimes risks are worth taking. So, I’m in.
We build an enduring relationship on a bedrock of love, trust, and respect — making our own rules as we go along.
Putting our new relationship to the test
It’s a bit like pushing your car extra hard, and worrying a little as the engine growls, and you slam back into your seat. But you know it’ll be fine.
Or will it?
I think we both know it isn’t exactly ideal. We would’ve wanted to date for another several months at least, eventually moving in together when we felt ready.
We were comfortable with the pace we had been moving along at, and it can feel like too much pressure to move so quickly in a relationship.
But we do it anyway. She offers and I accept. From there, we’re plunged into domestic life together, and get to know each other fast, living under the same roof.
We have some brief and lovely time to date conventionally, and it ends early on because of unforeseen tectonic shifts. That’s okay. Plans don’t always go just how you want them to, but life can still work out.
We end up moving again soon after, because I’m a light sleeper and find it hard to sleep with the noise level from her adjacent neighbors. And she’s accommodating about that, too.
From early on, she is unfailingly supportive of me, willing to make room for me in her life. And this allows us to build love and trust, probably faster than usual for a couple.
Sometimes it’s worth doing something crazy. After all, there’s no way of efficiently getting to know someone quite like moving in together.
We build an enduring relationship on a bedrock of love, trust, and respect — and if needed — social conventions, expectations, and boundaries, we can overturn, making our own rules as we go along.
Four and a half years later, we’re happily married, with a house of our own, and an awesome kid.
And I can’t imagine it having gone any other way.
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Previously Published on medium
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