Let’s face it, many people are awful lovers.
People are different — no doubt, but people are not as different as we often assume. There are patterns to behaviors if you pay close attention. But more importantly, there are reasons why people are the way they are.
But you don’t need to know every one of those reasons to understand people. Sometimes, it’s simply paying attention to tiny habits and behaviors. These are the day-to-day things that reveal people to you.
This piece highlights some of those tiny habits to show you whether your partner is cool. So until you read till the end, don’t say ‘I do’ just yet.
. . .
1. Are they decent human beings?
The basest quality of being a human being is decency. This quality shows how you treat others around you. Especially those that are socially or financially not as gifted or opportune as you.
Cool people treat waiters politely. They don’t distance themselves from the janitor while speaking.
The true measure of a person is how they treat those beneath them.
2. Are they sensitive?
To put it bluntly — if you’re dating an insensitive partner, you’re in trouble.
Insensitivity bleeds relationships. Without sensitivity, we lose the ability to develop understanding between one another. Cool people sense the needs and pain of others.
While insensitive people are oblivious to others’ needs and moods. Worse yet, uncool people are insensitive to how their actions affect others. That’s bad!
3. Are they accountable?
Nothing drives me nuts more than a grown-ass person being unaccountable.
Everyone isn’t perfect. Yet, everyone isn’t an asshole. Know why? Because there are people who can say, “I messed up. I did that. And am sorry.” Those people we call cool.
Uncool folks do the opposite. Rather than being accountable, they invented gaslighting.
4. Do they take responsibility?
Accountability is the first step to being cool. But truly cool people take it one step further — they make effort to fix their wrongs.
To just say, ‘am sorry,’ is easy. But a true show of repentance is to right your wrong. And if it’s something that cannot be undone, cool people work towards not repeating it again. These are the people that create great relationships.
5. Are they reliable?
At the moment, Manchester United fans cannot bet on their team to win a game against a low-ranking team like Burnley. Why?
Because they know their football club is totally unreliable at this very moment. Just like partners too, it’s too much to bear being with a partner that you can’t rely on to do exactly as they say.
When you find cool partners, you can count on them. If they say they’ll pick you up at 4 pm, they won’t show up at 5:59 pm.
6. Are they teachable?
No one’s an island. It’s why we need each other. It’s why we live in communities. Everyone, directly and indirectly, relies on the other. Marriage and relationships are built on the same principles too.
It’s why people that are able to listen and receive corrections make the best partner. A cool partner is one with a teachable spirit.
It’s frustrating being with a person who isn’t teachable — someone who you can’t correct. They lack the humility to submit to better ideas because of too much pride.
7. Are they respectful?
When you tell your partner you don’t like a thing, do they adhere to your request? Respect is the foundation upon which strong relationships are built.
It takes respect to acknowledge your partner’s beliefs, experiences, and opinions. It takes respect not to look down on your partner even though they aren’t as educated as you. Whether they’re very outgoing or reserved, cool people respect people’s dispositions.
Your partner is cool when they respect others’ opinions and boundaries.
8. Do they acknowledge others’ feelings?
The shittiness in our society today is everyone’s competing to see who gives the less shit. People think to feel and show care is a weakness. It’s not!
The coolest thing you can do is acknowledge others’ feelings. Show you care. Prove to them that what they’re going through is valid. And their feelings matter.
Cool people know this. Cool people do this. But uncool folks? They think insensitivity is stoicism. How sad!
9. Are they self-aware?
Self-awareness is the foundation upon which a solid personality is built.
To be self-aware isn’t just to know yourself. But also to understand how your actions affect those around you. So to be self-aware is to understand both our internal and external environment.
Self-aware folks aren’t afraid to look into the mirror. They have the strength to own what they find and to seek personal development.
10. Will they sell out?
Integrity matters. And being principled is super cool.
Everyone lives by a certain set of values, but how tightly we hold those values is what defines us.
Cool partners will not sell their birthright for a pot of pottage. It takes integrity to stick to your commitment. It takes a man and woman who holds their value tightly to stay faithful no matter the situation they find themselves.
. . .
If you have a partner with most of these qualities, you’re blessed. Go ahead and say I do.
But if you don’t, it could be a test to figure out how tightly you hold your own values. Will you settle? Is it okay to put up with someone who isn’t respectful and nice to other people?
You must understand that the partners will choose to be with speaks a lot about who we are.
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This post was previously published on Hello, Love.
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