We needn’t see a person’s opinion or action as a final statement about their essential nature.
Parenthood heightens the importance of our decisions in a way we probably never anticipated. Instead of considering the impact of our every action and word on a few adults, we’re now faced with the ramifications of our decisions on a being that relies entirely upon us for survival.
The mommy/daddy wars don’t make parenting choices easier. Just try to find an impartial viewpoint on any child-rearing topic. Hold versus put down. Family bed versus crib. Bottle versus breastfeed. Back versus tummy. Disposable versus cloth. Soothe versus let cry. The San Francisco Chronicle even recently dipped its institutional toe into the debate over sex in the presence of a co-sleeping child (as if co-sleeping itself wasn’t contentious enough).
The myriad disputes surrounding child-rearing (and how we feel about them) present a fantastic opportunity to do something parents aren’t typically known for: take a step back, put ourselves in someone else’s shoes, and let go of any judgment. In fact, cultivating non-judgment may be the best thing we glean from the mommy/daddy wars.
Not judging doesn’t mean we acquiesce to everything that someone else says or does. That would be foolish. It just means that we don’t see a person’s opinion or action as a final statement about their essential nature. It also means that we’re grown up enough to acknowledge the existence of multiple perspectives that merit consideration. We may not like what another person says about child-rearing, but we can still treat them with compassion. And isn’t that the way we want our kids to relate to others?
Thank you so much for the comment, which really gets down to the heart of the matter. There is definitely a difference between non-judgment and acquiescence. Just because we treat someone with compassion doesn’t mean that we let them do whatever they want, it means that we don’t rush to form an opinion about the type of person that they are. There’s a distinction, I think, between having an opinion about behavior and its impact on other people and having an opinion about the person engaging in the behavior. Though I don’t know what parenting practices you’re talking about specifically,… Read more »
This is a huge challenge for me. The issue of child abuse brings up such powerful emotions for me. There are parenting practices that I see as bordering on abusive, whereas another person may see those same practices very differently. It is very difficult for me to let go of judgment on such things. I am careful about voicing my opinions, especially in a judgmental way, but I certainly FEEL strong disapproval of some parenting practices. I found myself digging in my heels through your whole article. Until I got to the last line. Good point.