Geer Oskam is father to a daughter in a very non-traditional family.
One Month
You are one month old, our little princess. You are truly a very beautiful little girl.
It hasn’t been easy, I found, adjusting to you and what it means that you are present. Your moms and I had to get used to you. How to handle you: when to feed you; how to make you go to sleep.
It was great sharing your first week together but we were so tight I was becoming a part of their relationship. And we are not in a relationship, we are just friends. When I started sleeping at my own house again I felt freer, but I also missed you. I was afraid you and I wouldn’t be able to build a connection.
Luckily communications between your moms and me are very good so we speak about these feelings and frustrations freely and we are very aware of the fact that all these feelings are temporary, next week, next month everything is different again.
I can still feel alone, I have your moms to talk about how you are doing and I can share feelings with friends, but I can’t really find a place where I can just let go. Somewhere where I am fully understood. Also, there simply is no book about how to do this: becoming a dad and being in this modern family construction. I want to do everything right, and I want to show you and everyone that I am a very present father.
You cry at night, in the morning, keeping your moms up. Cramps can annoy you, but you are growing well. You sleep best in a baby carrier: as soon as you are strapped around one of us three, close to our hearts, you fall asleep.
Two Weeks
We never realized how intimate it is to be able to see features of a friend in something so precious. Your mothers eyes, without a doubt, and my lips. When we talk about who you look like we can also look at your other mom and for a split second think ‘but the color of her eyes definitely comes from… oh no wait…’
I moved out of your moms’s house and visit you every day now. I miss you when I am not with you. It’s good that your moms have their home back for themselves – we needed some time apart as well. Your moms are doing a fantastic job, waking up in the night every three hours (on a good night). You are doing good, growing well.
There are still so many people who want to meet you. We run a tight schedule and we need to divide days for family and friends over each of us three.
I cant believe its a little over 9 months ago that you were in a cup, and now your here. I want to hold you all the time.
Originally publish at twogirlsaboyandacup.tumblr.com
Photos courtesy of the author
Part 3 I Really Feel Like a Dad Now 6/15/14