Ask any parent, and they’ll tell you that parenting can make you feel like you’re losing your equilibrium in life.
To be honest, between careers, personal life, and schooling, we’re all fumbling in the dark and hoping we raise responsible citizens in the end.
But it’s very easy for some parents to lose the plot and aggravate other parents in ways they don’t even realize.
I tell myself that I never want to exhibit these annoying traits.
I mean, who wants to be disliked?
If you’re a parent guilty of any of these, you might want to do something about it.
Capiche?
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You saturate social media with your kids’ achievements.
Okay, Sally. We get it.
Your kid is quite the champion. He’s the golden child of his basketball. And trust me, we’re happy for you.
What we’re not happy about is you saturating our WhatsApp group with videos of every game he plays.
I mean, just because we don’t post videos of our kids doesn’t mean they aren’t out there doing some great things themselves.
But if you post all the time, we start to wonder if you believe that infamous line from The Animal Farm,
“All animals are equal, but some are more equal than others.”
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You shove your kids’ pictures in peoples’ faces always.
Please stop.
This one makes my blood boil. I recall those days in my previous job when we’d sit and just wait for the flight to end.
And almost always, they would be one mom who would take her phone and shove the pictures of their baby on our faces. We’d suffer in silence, looking at endless pictures of this woman’s baby.
Yawn.
Parents take time to learn someone before deciding they’re interested in conversations about babies, much less yours.
Got it? Good.
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Not bothering to learn or remember the names of your friend’s children.
If someone took the time and interest and learned your child’s name, for heaven’s sake, do the same.
I see a lot of parents assume that their kids are more important than the rest of the kids.
Nothing screams self-absorbed like not meeting someone else halfway.
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Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash
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Letting your kid hang around someone’s house for too long.
I grew up with a Black mother who didn’t allow us to visit our neighbors. She insisted we stay in our boring home even if we rotted in it.
There was no discussion.
Boy did this woman rattle us, but looking back, I’m glad she forced us to stay home.
There was never drama or scandals between our neighbors and us.
It was calm and peaceful. Even the air smelled of respect.
So naturally, when I became a mother, I reinforced this principle.
Of course, if you ask my son, he’d probably say I’m the worst mother ever because I repeatedly say NO to sleepovers.
Teens are proactive at organizing sleepovers, but I know these can be draining and intrusive to the parents.
You’ve got to watch them, you know, in case they set themselves on fire. You’ve got to put up with the yelling and breaking of things and all the rest of it.
This is why sleepovers shouldn’t be a frequent thing.
Parents, it’s your job to say NO from time to time. Sometimes, a family just wants to enjoy their own company without interference from outsiders.
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Or not sending money or reciprocating from time to time.
But perhaps the host family prefers to have as many guests as possible, so your kids are always welcome to hang out.
That’s fine too.
But please don’t always send your child empty-handed.
You know they’ll eat and drink, right?
You don’t rock up empty-handed when you visit an adult, right?
So why wouldn’t you give your kids something to take with them?
Obviously, most parents won’t accept this. No one wants “payment” from a child, but you can always find a gift.
Even better, reciprocate next time and let the kids sleep over at your house.
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Letting your kids get away with rudeness because you don’t want to hurt their feelings.
Last year, I called my friend and suggested a catch-up. She asked if we could do it as her kid played football at school.
I was cool with that.
But that day also left me questioning her parenting skills when her daughter was blatantly rude to me, and she didn’t bat an eyelid. Later, I asked her how she could be okay with that, and she gave me a flimsy excuse.
I get disconcerted when I see decent parents raise brats for kids because they don’t want to hurt their feelings.
I cringe just thinking how these kids will turn out in the future if they can’t be held responsible for their actions.
Here’s what I see all the time, and it makes my blood boil like no one’s business.
Kids lie about everything with no consequences at all.
Kids lash out at adults and strangers, and no one lifts a finger.
Kids steal things here and there, and no one sees this as a red flag.
Kids bully other kids while their parents look away.
There’s a Swahili proverb that — translated — says — whoever isn’t taught by their mother will be taught by the world.
Here’s the thing, though;
When the world teaches you, it doesn’t coddle you as your mother/father would. It’s brutal and harsh and damn mean.
So parents, ask yourselves if this is how your want your beloved tots to learn manners.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
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Photo credit: Jordan Rowland on Unsplash