Everyone has gotten the memo about the crisis in modern dating, except the alpha males. And when I say everyone, this includes kids and the elderly.
The internet is awash with videos of alpha males dating advice detailing how to treat women like objects and scam vulnerable men seeking sexual gratification from scrupulous women.
These set of men the “alphas” do not realize they are the reason young men can’t get dates, they are sex-starved, miserable and lonely.
While women on the other hand want to remain single and child free, creating a soft life for themselves so they don’t have to be answerable to any man.
Alpha men glorify toxicity and normalize the abuse of women. This all started with a self-proclaimed misogynistic influencer Andrew Tate who admitted that his webcam business was a “scam.”
Tate and his brother made millions from selling sob stories to vulnerable men and sexually exploiting women. He has been banned on several social media platforms for promoting hateful ideologies and teaching younger men to be violent and misogynistic.
In a culture where young men have no male role models, they seek out these internet influencers for guidance but they are misled about the realities of social communication, what it means to be a man, and what women want in a relationship.
The conformity that a man needs to be in his masculinity to be regarded as a man has led to younger men seeking role models and following the footsteps of “alpha males” selling the crudest form of masculinity to enrich themselves.
There’s nothing sexier to a woman than a man who’s in his masculine. A masculine man who wants to take care and wants to provide. Whether it’s emotional, financial or sexual needs, you can count on the man.
An alpha male is a man who shows high self-confidence, assertiveness, and success. But lately, it has also been criticized for promoting toxic masculinity and perpetuating sexism and harmful stereotypes that bring people down.
Alpha men believe they are preserving traditional masculinity by being superior to women and that women belong to men. They are associated with toxic behaviors such as aggression, misogyny, and sexual violence.
The obsession to be a masculine man resulted in the rise of toxic masculinity, a cultural pressure encouraging men to conceal their emotions, to “man up” to challenges and never cry in front of people.
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Nowadays alpha males are identified as men who like to be in charge. All women want to date them and other men aspire to be like them. This has raised concerns among parents and educators whose children have been taught to accept violence and aggression as a form of masculinity.
Since there can only be one alpha male, other male groups, the beta and sigma males are seen as competition. Even friendly hang-outs can turn into a show for power as the alphas fight to take the dominant position.
Unfortunately, “alpha” obsession is extremely harmful and destroys relationships between men and women, making it harder for men to improve their dating lives.
Alpha men see supplication to women as simping a trait associated with beta men. Things like buying a woman drinks, carrying her purse, or pulling out the chair for her are only done by weak men.
It means that the man is showing that he’s willing to sacrifice his value (meaning he’s fragile) in order to appease the woman in hopes of getting sexual favors from her.
Some women have shared how they ended their dates with “alpha men,” because these men were either glorifying themselves or devaluing them.
One of the women said she felt unseen by her “alpha” boyfriend and since the relationship ended she has reservations about going into another relationship.
Toxic alpha male behaviours have led women to take percussion to avoid dating these men. Facebook groups like “Are We Dating The Same Guy,” was created to enable women to share their bad experiences with toxic men.
Also, WeAreX dating apps introduced the “Don’t Be a Dick” campaign to protect women against toxic men and encourage a safe and healthy relationship for its users.
The “alpha males” have received plenty of backlash on the internet from both women and men but this time a psychologist warns women to stay away from alpha men.
Alpha men are big turn-offs for most women because they are controlled by their insecurities and massive ego. Their confidence eminent from fear rather than their values.
When Men’s Masculinity is Threatened They Lash Out
Our culture and society taught men that masculinity is the highest goal they can achieve as a man. They are told to dominate, lead and provide.
If a man fails to achieve any of these expectations, he’s a failure and not worthy of being called ‘a man.’ Hence the unhealthy need for men to be successful and outperform other men in both social, physical and sexual demands.
Traditional masculinity is a product of fear. The obsession to be masculine is the root cause of men’s trouble. Men are afraid of being inadequate so they express their fear with anger, engage in porn and alcohol addiction and display immense hatred for women.
According to this study, men who feel their masculinity is threatened are likely to exhibit guilt, shame, criticism and hostility towards themselves and others.
Notice how men are quick to lash out when a post or video criticizes their toxicity. I have been called “a b*tch,” “a whore’” and “overused pussy” for calling out men on their sexist behaviors. Some even said “I’m miserably SINGLE” because no man wants me.
Men jump into defence and degrade women who dare to call them out. They will deny a woman is sexually desirable and say nasty things they would like to do to her just to hide their insecurities.
The more masculine a man is the less attractive he will be because he will only care about himself and no one else. Toxic masculine men hide under the guise of sexual promiscuity to avoid emotional commitments.
The narrative that men are naturally promiscuous while women are naturally monogamous has been used for ages to justify men’s uncontrollable sexual behaviors.
This obsession with alpha males stems from insecurity. A person who is constantly striving to be alpha lacks strong emotional discipline. They seek validation from others by trying to get them to acknowledge he’s superior to everyone. A man who is mature, confident in their identity and values, emotionally aware, and comfortable with vulnerability doesn’t feel the need to identity himself as an “alpha.”
He won’t get into a territorial pissing matches in order to prove himself, nor will he reduce himself to a dick, antagonizing women in order to conform to a false masculine identity. He doesn’t need to get wrapped up in labels or assume that every woman is just looking for the next social upgrade.
When society creates an impossible standard of masculinity to maintain, everyone gets caught up in its vices. A 2010 study from Rutgers University found that men who abandon “macho” behavior get punished by other men, and in this case, the alpha men.
Toxic masculinity makes it impossible for men to open up and communicate their fears and challenges to other men. It also ruins their sex lives as we see with incels. And since women are attracted to emotional intimacy, men not accepting their vulnerability drives women away from them.
With both men and women pulling away from dating, I think it’s time men realize that traditional masculinity is hurting everyone. We should be able to express vulnerability without shame. Being a man should not instil fear and terror in anyone.
Manhood won’t be proven with violence if men did not see their value as something that could be taken away from them if they did not adhere to traditional gender roles.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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Photo credit: Manuel Meurisse on Unsplash