In New York Times interview with Lulu Garcia-Navarro, Academy Award Winning Actor and Action Star Charlize Theron said, “There’s a spirit about me that I think has to do with the fact that I experienced so much death early on. I’m very aware that time runs out quickly, and that time can run out as soon as I leave this building. I can cross the street, and it’s over.”
Charlize said, “If I get to be on my deathbed one day, I want to be able to say, ‘I did everything that I wanted to do.’”
She teared up. Lulu asked Charlize about her tears.
Charlize said, “Because I think life is so valuable, and I think, like life is so beautiful. I have like an ability to feel really deeply… I really do appreciate things. I know I’m not perfect at that every day, but I aim for it definitely.”
When Charlize was 15-years-old back in her home South Africa, her Mother shot and killed her Father to protect her. Now, Charlize Theron is the single mother raising two adopted African American daughters. Life is beautiful.
I didn’t experience that much death early on like Charlize. Yet, I lived through my own childhood trauma and depression. When I was a little boy, Dad scared me to my soul. I thought I would never be good enough for him. I would never be good enough for anyone, especially for me. Like Charlize, life was not defined from where I started. Life evolved as beautiful on the journey.
In the First Noble Truth of Buddhism, there will always be suffering in life. The Fourth Noble Truth of Buddhism is the path to end suffering. On the path, I trained in Aikido with the late Mizukami Sensei and Ishibashi Sensei, and I worked with my therapist Lance Miller. I discovered life is beautiful on the path.
In Aikido, I wait it out and enter the attack. I take a glancing blow if I have to. I’m not always going to get away scot-free. It’s one time. The safest place to be is under the attack, in the danger. I hold my position. Stand my ground under what I fear. I open up. I let go my fear inside that I’m not good enough over, and over, and over again.
I apply the Aikido technique to myself, not to the attacker. O-Sensei Morihei Ueshiba said, “True victory is victory over oneself.” I’m my greatest opponent, my greatest enemy. Although my fear inside never completely disappears, every time I enter what I fear, I let go more of my fear inside me. I take a risk, take a hit for what’s meaningful to me. I’m quiet inside me. I find peace. Life is meaningful. Life is beautiful.
In therapy with Lance Miller to heal my childhood trauma and depression, I forgive Dad for not knowing how to be a father. Dad only did what his Dad had done to him. He didn’t know any better. He had it far worse from his Dad than I had it from him. I forgive Dad for being afraid inside, for being imperfectly human. I forgive myself for being imperfectly human, too. There is beauty in forgiveness.
In Aikido, Hanshi teaches, “You train not kill.” I train my mind, body, and spirit so that I can choose to let the attacker pass or end the attack. The attacker chooses to continue their attack or stand down. We both have a choice. I choose not to kill, not to harm. Because there is no fight. Because life is beautiful.
If I get to be on my deathbed one day, I want to be able say, “I made a difference.” Maybe, I don’t do everything I really wanted to do. Maybe, I don’t fall madly and deeply in love with a woman, who loves me back the same way. I’m 5’ 3”. I’m not handsome. That’s just life. I know what I have, and I know what I don’t have. I train to be the best man I can be. Who knows? Maybe, lightning could strike. Things have a way of working out.
When I made Shodan (1st degree black belt) may years ago, the late Mizukami Sensei said, “You gotta help out.” Sensei was Old School Samurai. In Japanese, samurai means to serve. Mizukami Sensei dedicated his life in service. He taught me to be a good person, be a good man. I serve and make a difference for others. I try to make life beautiful for everyone.
Let go. Give life. Forgive. Be of service. Make a difference. Make life beautiful.
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Photo by Masaaki Komori on Unsplash
