I started my writing journey a few months ago without any desire to publish or share what I wrote.
This last year has been extremely difficult for me, and my husband suggested I write down my feelings to help me process them.
After writing quite a few articles, I decided to publish my first one because I felt the urge to publicly pour my heart out to my son. I was so overwhelmed by the love I felt for him that I wanted everyone to know about it and hopefully help them focus on the love they have for their loved ones too.
While I carried on writing about different topics, some very personal, I also found myself writing about my frustrations with people in general – and if I was going to complain I thought I might as well do so productively and get a sense of achievement from it. So I published a couple of rants and I felt great for doing so.
I realized recently that I was letting everyone and everything control the way I was and the way I reacted to things.
If someone was even slightly condescending or sarcastic towards me, it would knock me off for days. My sense of morale was low already, and if someone didn’t pick up the phone or replied to a message my anxiety was through the roof. I have throughout my life always searched for praise and recognition because I believed I needed it to be happy.
My husband has for years told me not to be affected by the bad stuff in life because if I could so easily be put off by it I could equally choose not to be affected by it all. I was mad at him for undervaluing my feelings but he wasn’t actually doing that – he was simply trying to help me realize how powerful the mind is and, once the penny drops, how easy it is to control, and how our behavior and feelings can do a 180-degree rotation just like that.
I’m no longer defending my decision making or feelings to society but standing on my own within it.
Now, my reason for writing is for self-reflection and acceptance for the things I cannot control, and to come up with an action plan for the things I can change. It makes me feel good, and since my main objective is to be happy, day to day, throughout, inside and out, I’ll carry on writing.
So, basically, what I’m learning through this writing journey is to listen to my heart, my thoughts, and to treat myself with care and love. And I need to listen to others carefully. Maybe I mean I need to listen to others less, have more selective hearing and focus on Good. Possibly, if everyone did this people would benefit and feel happier too, and slowly negativity would start to decrease around us.
Of course, there will still be evil and bad in the world, but think of the shit that makes your day go wrong – like missing your train home or being criticized at work. If you could simply not give it a second thought, not listen to your own annoyance or somebody else’s useless comment, you’d be happier for it, and you wouldn’t then change your behavior to match a negative mood. Energy spreads fast, it’s contagious – so if you’re having a bad day you’re probably going to make someone else’s day bad, and they’ll probably bounce that mood back to you and you back to them, etc, etc, etc. Flip the negativity to positive energy, and it will spread just as fast.
You are truly worth it
Think of it like this. Nobody knows you better than you. You’ve taken the time to grow up, learn, be nurtured by your surroundings, and you have formulated your own morals and principles. To some extent, you may agree with the majority view on a lot of things. Ethically speaking, I can assure you, the reader, have your own rational views on things. What I’m trying to say is, you’re not stupid and you can trust your thoughts.
But despite the above, have you ever questioned whether you’re right to be feeling what you’re feeling? Has anyone ever told you that what you’re feeling is wrong? How tired are you of constantly filling your mind with self-doubt – and other people doubting you?
But what if you were right to think what you think? What if your thoughts were valid?
You are right.
Your thoughts are valid.
For one day, dare yourself to be more selective with your hearing, listen less to bullshit and more to your true wonderful self.
And if your day goes well, carry on the same way the next day. And if your day doesn’t go well, tell yourself it’s not because of the way you’ve acted but because of forces that were out of your control, and don’t be offended.
Do something to make you feel good (that’s not harmful), so that your day finishes well. And then, do it again tomorrow. And the next day. And the next day after that.
Because I literally blinked and suddenly I was a 30-year-old mother, living life insecurely, filled with worry, unsure of whether what I was doing was right, and I’m not prepared to live like that anymore.
I’ve got this, you’ve got this, so choose Good. Choose to truly live. Listen to your heart and give these words their true meaning by listening to them and dull out whatever is Bad because Bad doesn’t have your best interests at heart and Good does.
Previously published on “Change Becomes You”, a Medium publication.
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