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“When it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” is a great rule to follow in many situations in one’s life journey, but not when it comes to creating your personal mold. Men and women everywhere need to develop their own mold to experience life fully because only structure, stability, and guidance are achieved when one navigates life authentically.
I was a square trying to fit in an oval, and this would continue until my divorce uncovered my desire to live according to my authentic mold.
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A one-size-fits-all mindset becomes very disastrous, especially when determining the structure, stability, and guidance needed to live an authentic life. No one other than yourself (and your partner) can determine and define which mold is appropriate to use. I believed that my life and journey should pattern someone else’s life and journey and boy was I wrong. I was not 100% happy, not 100% me, not 100% secure, and not 100% confident.
Here’s my story:
Growing up I operated within the mold that was created by my mother and father. Their mold fit their life perfectly and also was perfect for me during my childhood, which is most appropriate for children as they face the challenges and opportunities the world has to offer. However, as I got older, I assumed that my parents’ life needed to be my own, and I acted and thought in mannerisms that patterned my parents’. Something wasn’t right, though. Mimicking my parents’ life never seemed to give me the life I know I wanted and could lead. It is this assumption that caused me not to fully develop into my own authentic self and become the man I was destined to become. I was a square trying to fit in an oval, and this would continue until my divorce uncovered my desire to live according to my authentic mold.
Even though I married young (age 25) which did not pattern my parents, I instantly tried to have my marriage reflect my parents. Because of this, divorce for me arrived four years into my marriage. My marriage was doomed because I was not molding my marriage according to what my wife and I both desired and needed. For me, our divorce was a blessing because my eyes opened and made me realize what I needed in order to be happy and be a good man for myself, my wife, and my children. The divorce only lasted nine months before the two of us remarried, and, upon reconciliation, I knew our marriage needed to be different. This time, it needed to be our own.
Excitement is pervasive because I am finally in control and I am not depressed, and I am using my mold and not others, to embrace life and be an inspiration for others.
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Our marriage needed a new definition; a mold that needed to be created from day one, and I started by claiming my bisexuality. I confessed I had known for some time, but knew in my heart and soul that she was my soul mate and the person I wanted to share the challenges and rewards of life. After my revelation and vulnerability, she started to become more vulnerable and honest with me. My wife revealed that she knew about my sexual identity and was ready to support me because I had accepted myself. Therefore, we both started living in a mixed-orientation marriage. I could finally shear the skin I had been trapped in and fully embracing myself and allowing others to meet the authentic me. I could no longer feel like an outcast because finally, loved ones could experience me without barriers hiding my insecurities. I could begin allowing myself to embrace the joys of life as I was operating by my ‘True North’ and not others. I was finally being John.
Ever since making my own mold, life couldn’t be better. I now greet life without anxiety, dishonesty, and uncertainty, but with confidence, ambition, joy, and comfort. Excitement is pervasive because I am finally in control and I am not depressed, and I am using my mold and not others, to embrace life and be an inspiration for others. Everyone’s life provides influence on the world and others, and each journey adds to the definition of how to live. Not everyone is the same and the idiosyncrasies that provide positive improvement and inspiration need to be championed. Living life according to others and not your ideals is not living at all but surviving and managing. By claiming your authentic mold, life will be more positive, more exciting, more rewarding, and life will be yours to create not vice versa.
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John Moore, father of two, lives in Knoxville, TN, writes about the issues of 21st-century men face and advances the concept of bisexuality and relationships.
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Photo: GettyImages
Thank you for this honest sharing of your life. We need more bisexual life models, and I don’t me to mold ourselves by, but rather to see that marriages can be okay and work out just fine.
My husband is bisexual, and unfortunately still very depressed. I’m hoping something in your story will connect with him. Maybe he can begin to love himself, even a fraction of as much as I love him.
Thank you.
Emily,
Thanks for the positive feedback. I can empathize with your husband, and having a loving wife similar to you. I will be more than glad to offer any help I can.