I sit on the couch, curled up with a nightcap, watching an episode of Friends I’ve seen at least six times. My husband is bathing our daughter, and I hear her laughing. I smile at the silliness they’re exchanging.
These little moments happen every day between my husband and daughter. She is, without a doubt, a daddy’s girl. I couldn’t be more thrilled having such a wonderful man in her life.
Though, I can’t help reflect on my interactions with our daughter.
I try to be silly, but she hears the inauthenticity in my voice. I goof around with her, and the laughing fizzles out and turns into “I want this” and “I want that,” where I play the bad guy saying the big N-O. The waterworks start, and the tantrum begins.
“But I WANT it!”
Men can focus on one thing.
Only being able to focus on one task is viewed negatively.
The inability to multitask is a male trait. Men can “store” various thoughts in a metaphorical closet until they need to look at them later.
One box at a time.
When my husband plays with our daughter, he has the “dad” box open—filled with Sonder, childlike adventures, and free-spirited fun.
As a mom, on the other hand, I have a table full of boxes open to analyze at all times. I can’t turn off mom-mode.
Dinner. Chores. Groceries. Weekend activities. Laundry. Constantly.
Maybe that’s why moms get prescribed Xanax.
They’re more fun
There are fun moms out there, don’t get me wrong. I’ve met a few.
For the rest, just because we aren’t fun doesn’t mean we don’t love our kids. I lose it once in a while. I have so much on my metaphorical plate that I need to get done; I’m seemingly not all there.
As for men, we have to admit how fun they can be in the simplest ways.
They can go to the park with nothing but their kids and have a blast, running around, putting their little ones on tree branches, playing hide and seek.
We make jokes that men are just big kids and, in my honest opinion, that’s not a bad thing.
Studies prove it
HealthyMagazine.com found “5 Reasons Men Are Better Parents”
Give the article a read, but here are the 5 points the author covers:
1. They know how to get down and have fun with the kids
2. They have aerial vision and logic in a crisis
3. They don’t “lose it” like we do
4. They let the kids use them as jungle gyms, and aren’t sick of being touched at the end of the day.
5. They show their kids that they love their mom.
(HealthyMagazine.com)
The jungle gym part hits home. I can’t handle my daughter climbing all over me. My husband, however, will pick her up anytime she asks for “shoulders.”
UCRiverside News claims, “Fathers are happier parents than mothers.”
“A study of 18,000 people shows that fathers experience more well-being from parenthood than mothers.
In terms of daily interactions generally, both men and women were happier interacting with their children relative to other daily interactions. But men reported greater happiness from the interactions than women. One possible explanation for this finding is that, relative to mothers, fathers were more likely to indicate that they were playing with their children while they were caring for them or interacting with them”.
UCRiverside News
I’ve experienced this first hand. When I’m “caring” for our daughter, I’m usually feeding her or making her plate, getting her ready for school — or wherever we’re going — making sure we have everything packed for her, and much more.
I’ve asked my husband to do these various tasks, and if anything is misplaced or he faces any struggle (something normal to me, like one of her shoes missing), I can see the frustration in his eyes.
Overall, however, he is much happier around our daughter. I take care of the dirty work and the organizing, so he can focus on having fun with her.
Because he’s good at the fun side, and I know I’m good with the other side, we work well together.
We all have roles
We have to evaluate what we bring to the table.
Our daughter has more fun with her dad, but that doesn’t take away from my mother and homemaker abilities.
I set the stage for the household. When everyone comes home, dinner is taken care of, chores are done, and the common spaces are ready for a new fun activity.
There are dads out there who are “dead beats.” Selfish and unavailable. But, some moms fall in the same arena. They’re stuck in their world. Still boys and girls, just living an adult life.
The dads I’m talking about have earned the title “father” and are what I consider to be “men.” They take responsibility for their family and fill the role life has handed them.
Takeaways
We all bring different qualities to our relationships and our families. The variety of traits put pieces of a puzzle together, allowing the unit to feel complete.
These roles and traits are essential, and we shouldn’t feel any lesser for not possessing what our partner has. Embrace your qualities and celebrate your partners. The duality brings a harmony necessary for everyone to feel whole.
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Previously Published on medium
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