Habits change into character
Cheating and infidelity are major issues in the Millennial generation. The rise of online dating sites, vanish mode, and fake Instagram profiles all increase online anonymity and paired with a mobile device, becomes catastrophes waiting to happen! Anyone toying with secret desires has an enormous freedom in 2021. Whether you are in a relationship or purely dating with the intent of forming a relationship I will say this, “Habits form your character over time.”
In recent months my relationship has experienced many revelations and one overlooked in the earlier dating stage recently reveal itself. In speaking with many men in long-term or failed relationships over the past few months I will give this advice on behalf of the many men I have spoke with,
Bro, don’t get hoes, get new hobbies.
I know, I know…this sounds tacky and obvious, but seriously consider a hobby before you jump to cheating in your current relationship.
Your spark isn’t the problem
There have been many studies and anthropological reports done on the male tendency to struggle with monogamy and while marriage and cohabitation are scientifically beneficial to both genders, the struggle to stay committed is a bit more challenging for men. For my men, the problem isn’t that your spark faded, it’s most likely that you severely changed the daily interactions you have both with your male friends and with yourself.
In the beginning, the relationship may have been magnetic and captivating, but at some point, your mind drifted, your eyes wandered, and your boys may have teased you about being whipped, potentially. Over time, it can be challenging to find the same energy and excitement in a long-term relationship. Women also struggle with the long-term, but often times find new ways to build interest through children, relationship milestones, etc. After watching my own partner struggle with the less fiery phases of our relationship, I did recently watch him break-thru to a new sense of self.
Get a hobby
Often times, we lose ourselves and our social connections in relationships. We struggle between independence and interdependence. Men move toward support and forget to hang out with other men as often as they did in their singledom. When it comes to dating, make sure, you are finding ways to experience testosterone and adrenaline in healthy, positive, safe spaces.
For my partner it became a balance between outdoor sports and recreational hobbies. In the early stages he would do sketchy stuff like to go Vegas with his business partner. Now, he has a close-knit group of friends he golfs with that are both honest and accountable people that not only invite him to be better but also push him to compete. Having competition through sports is much more satisfying and physically rewarding than blowing money in Vegas for superficial attention at club. Your body, your partner, and your wallet will thank you.
Get an adrenaline rush outside the bedroom
Men need to “conquer” things. As primitive beings, it’s my opinion as a woman with male’s feedback, that men need to still be voyagers, vikings, and warriors. Pursuit whether it be in business or in the bedroom is important to feeling fulfilled. A study was even done on male wrestlers and those with higher testosterone 5 minutes after the match were almost always the winners. See link to read more. Testosterone is an important part of who you are as a heterosexual male, don’t avoid it. The way my partner was able to re-establish this outside of the bedroom is by finding hobbies and routines that provided adrenaline in a more productive, non-cheating way. His journey: Learn to ride and eventually own a motorcycle. Now you may decide to sky dive, jet ski, or go extreme kayaking just find something that gets your heart racing on a less sketchy platform than OnlyFans.
Engaging the mind and body in something that provides both a new challenge and a rush of adrenaline helped my partner fuel his interests and brought a new part of him to our relationship.
Reconnect the dots
All relationships have ups and downs. Sparks will ebb and flow. Monogamy and commitment over the long-term in heterosexual or other kinds of relationships can be challenging. However, a honest, connected relationship with out cheating can be an extremely intimate and rewarding experience.
Cheating in this digital age is constantly becoming a challenge with the privacy that mobile devices provide. However, there a better long-term results from building hobbies, cultivating healthy male friendships, and finding different ways to experience adrenaline through new experiences. The more you grow and learn about yourself, the more attracted your partner will be to you. With time, the spark will return. Be patient and please put down the phone bro.
This post was previously published on Medium.
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