Whether it’s the Holidays or other festivities and important dates lurking just around the corner, or the challenging routine of everyday life, that is especially hard on a great many people these last two years. There are some next to invisible aspects (maybe their opacity is set to around 5 %), that have to be taken care of, but are all too often overlooked, when they are.
When it comes to parenting and the life that’s just going on as if nothing happened, there are manifold obvious duties, chores and errands to run on a daily basis. Some are more time consuming than others — like work, cooking and taking care of a household otherwise succumbing to entropy, just to name the top three in the food chain. Some are quite fun (for me: tidying up, vacuuming), while others are quite annoying to say the least (taxes, staring right at you).
Beneath the obvious and well visible responsibilities there are many other things hiding in the shadows. The worst thing about them — and this could be described as the garbage-management-effect — , they only get noticed when they go unchecked and their not-been-taken-care-of is having a direct effect on external reality. That’s the frustrating part. You do the thing, repeatedly — no one cares. You don’t do the thing one time — Oh boy, brains will melt over it.
The M Word- Let’s talk about it
Mental load is something that runs in the background. Think of it as a Windows process that is only known as running when you access the task manager of the operating system. But it eats away at your processing power. Mental load gnaws at our life energies. It quickens the depletion of our resources. And don’t forget that people are no multitaskers (fight me on it), so everything is possibly harder while you have to think about a multitude of little check lists as well.
Is the appointment for the pediatrician made?
Who will take parental leave and what will be the consequences to our schedules?
When does the little one need their next meal? Are there plan Bs and Cs if they refuse to eat, what I cook them?
Are the swimming diapers packed for the next holiday?
When is the date for the next Covid pool testing in kindergarden?
What do we gift the Smiths for their 25th anniversary?
Is the little one already grown out of their clothes? What’s the next size to buy? Is it the time to buy Spring clothing already?
So, my advice is to have the talk about the big M, if you haven’t already. You are a team, which should not be forgotten. Although, it can go unrecognised in times of great stress.
Maybe, for now, you are quite a bit better off than your partner when it comes to the responsibilities that are silently taken for granted, maybe you are not. It’s worth to communicate your burdens. This is no prisoner’s dilemma or some kind of game theory. No one wins in the long run, when a partner gets burnt out.
It’s the opposite: If no one’s terribly exhausted, both win. And a bonus: You have a partner that feels noticed and seen.
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Previously Published on medium
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