“You’re going to miss this someday- I whisper to myself as I’m shot in the butt with a Nerf gun while unclogging the toilet.” ~ Unknown
I always knew I wanted to have a boy and my prayers were answered twelve years ago when I gave birth to my little bundle of joy. I wanted a boy because I was raised without a father, with primarily women around. I thought that by having a boy, I would gain more insight about men, who I still sometimes view as aliens. I had no idea what I was in for and I must admit I still don’t understand boys or men!
Now I am raising a moody, nasty, and sometimes smelly preteen that tells me he hates me! What happened to my sweet baby boy? He used to tell me he loved me every day. He told me that he wanted to marry me when he grew up. He thought that I was the prettiest girl in the world! He listened, he was sweet, and his poops weren’t the size of tree trunks. I guess on a positive note, I learned how to use a snake to unclog the toilet when a plunger didn’t work.
Here I am raising a stinky boy! Those boys that used to gross me out! The boys I was afraid of when I was a preteen and teenager! A boy that may possibly be the devils spawn! I am a boy mom, Lord help me!!
My son came home at the end of fifth grade and wanted to learn about puberty. That’s what all the kids were discussing on the playground! What? What are they saying? I asked. He didn’t get into it. I knew that there was no resting on my laurels. I needed to step in and do damage control because you know how easily things can be misconstrued!
Truthfully when I was his age, I had no clue, and in high school, I was still in the dark. When I turned fifteen, my mother gave me a book called “What’s Happening to Me?” The copyright was from nineteen forty-eight, I think. It wasn’t that informative unless you were expecting your daughter to join the convent! I would never want my child to be that clueless.
Oh, God! I’m a mom; I don’t think I’m equipped to teach a boy what will happen to him once puberty kicks in. Maybe I should just let his dad talk to him about it?
I bought a few introductory books to get started and then googled “preteens, boys and puberty.” What? Puberty can start as young as nine! Oh my God, the first change during puberty is the enlargement of the scrotum and testicles. I’m out of my comfort zone!
Upon googling and reading the books, I came across information about behavioral and emotional changes, mood swings, voice changes, pimples, body odor, body and pubic hair, erections, nocturnal emissions, semen, smegma, jerking off, jerking off in socks, jerking off everywhere, etc. Man, I am so not ready for my baby boy to grow up!
After educating myself on this, I felt somewhat prepared but reluctant to have the puberty talk with my son. He came home from school, and I told him I bought some books on puberty. Later, when it came time to read one of the books, we sat down, and at first, he was interested, but after reading about pubic hair, smegma and semen, he got a worried look on his face, his eyes glazed over and then was totally done.
His eyes welled up with tears, and he said he didn’t want to turn into a man. He said, “I don’t want to be like daddy and grow hair on my penis. It’s so gross!”
I had to smile because my boy was still so innocent and sweet. Yes, sometimes he turns into a demon seed, but it’s because he’s growing up. He’s trying to figure things out and learning to formulate his own opinions.
I asked my little man to sit on my lap, I hugged him tightly, and told him everything would be okay. I said everyone goes through puberty. He threw his head back, crying, and said no, he refused to become a man, and he wanted to live with me forever. It made my heart sing to hear that he still did love me since I’m usually subjected to his preteen wrath.
After the episode, I decide that I was delegating the responsibility of the puberty/sex talk to his dad. I figured he was more qualified for obvious reasons. I had enough gray hair because of this child, and I didn’t need any more. I wanted to pretend for a few more seconds that my sweetheart was still little.
I didn’t want to think about his first crush, his first broken heart, and all the trials and tribulations he would eventually have to face as a man. I wanted him to be my baby and enjoy hugging him right at that moment.
“Sons may grow into men and grow out of their toys, but in the hearts of their mothers they are still their little boys.” ~ Unknown
This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.
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