I’m afraid I won’t be attracted to my wife anymore now that she told me her hair is thinning. Intimacy Expert Allana Pratt has a bold invitation…
Question: My wife just told me that her hair was thinning and that she may start losing it. My wife is absolutely gorgeous – I mean drop dead WOW. What happens if I start finding her unattractive. I am trying to be supportive but am concerned that I am just that vain. I don’t want to break her heart but I do want to be honest.
Answer: I get how scary this must be having your drop dead gorgeous wife not longer look as drop dead gorgeous to you. I imagine there’s something about the way she looks that wakes up something in side you that few other women do, yes?
First let’s not rush to conclusions. Let’s get some other opinions on her condition and see what emotional or lifestyle changes could be implemented to avoid this all together.
Second, it seems you’re being invited to go from Love 1.0 to Love 2.0. My this I mean seeing her as Beauty Herself… seeing the beauty beneath the surface, the beauty in her kindness, her actions, the sway of her hips, the touch of her hand.
It seems life is asking you to deepen your partnership and go through something difficult together and find more ways you BOTH see the beauty in one another, the beauty in life, the beauty in all parts of our body, the beauty in your essence.
Your point of view creates your reality, so whatever you look for, you will find. What if you asked What’s the gift in this? Perhaps to buy some hot wigs, cool hats or scarves? Perhaps its time to discover the other reasons you love your wife beyond her hair? Perhaps it’s time to see if part of your identity is wrapped up in having a hot wife? That you’ll think less of you or you’re afraid others will think less of you? That’s some good deep work to dive into my friend!
A great place to awaken the capacity to see, feel, sense ALL of a woman so she feels amazingly seen, adored and appreciated, so she showers you with her love in body, mind and spirit… is my complementary www.GetHerToSayYes.com report and video series. Additionally, walking through this fire with a coach could be the difference between this challenge tearing your marriage apart or strengthening it beyond your imagination. When there’s discomfort… lean in, like you have reaching out to me.
I recommend you contact my [email protected] and say GMP sent me. I’m the man whose wife is losing her hair. I’m ready to have support to make things right. Let me gift you with a complementary Strategy Session in honor of you being proactive to change this, knowing your inability to be there for her during a scary time, could really destroy your trust, intimacy and connection.
I honor your honesty and boldness, great love and endless blessings, Allana
Photo: www.Flickr.com 45surfherosodyssey
Because she singled me out, thanked me for my advice, implied that it aided her in making the decision that she made…as have many women over the years? I’d ask how you could not see that, or how you were able to perceive it as something it simply was not. I’d ask why you attacked that so vehemently, as if to imply that I was patronizing, grand standing, when all I was doing was trying to help and be supportive? I do not see things framed in such ways. If a woman extends a courtesy of helping me either see… Read more »
Where did I attack you ‘so vehemently”? I simply thought it was strange that you chalked her choice up as something *you* could ‘put a knotch in your belt” for.
True that, Tom See it all the time. I may be more aware of it because I’ve made the mistakes myself. I married my first wife more with my zipper then my mind, and although this issue was not the reason for the break, I failed to properly evaluate her, and my own feelings, and suffered the disastrous results. I see women that marry for status, hero worship, hotness, a thick wallet. I see men claiming love because the sex is grand, or her “hotness”. Almost every time a guy talks about his most recent relationship suddenly going south, his… Read more »
@Awakened You do deserve better then that, AW. Everyone does. I had a revelation a few years back while playing a round of golf and hitting the perfect slice off into the maintenance area. It truly was a thing of beauty the way it cut away from the fairway, through the trees, across and off of a tractor wheel. Its not something one can teach! Walking by the shed I witnessed two men, overweight, poorly groomed, just plain ole sloppy…and not just because they were at work They were looking at a magazine, critiquing super model types in various stages… Read more »
“I can, in no way, council you are anyone else, but I will be putting another notch in my belt here. Another woman saved; a chance for a better relationship with a full grown man.”
I believe Awakened is the one who deserve credit for the choices in her own life. Why are you “putting another notch in your belt” for the choices *she* is making and solving in her own life?
DJ, you said “If she was in an accident tomorrow, disfigured, confined to a wheelchair, would you still be as deeply in love with the woman as you are right now?” This question comes to mind when I read the articles about “sex” and how so many look at “sex” as being the cornerstone of relationships.
Well, this is depressing and discouraging. You’re only as worthwhile as long as you remain the perfect image of hotness to a man. The average joes of today think every woman should be the perfect image of hotness to keep his attention. A lot of guys complain about paying for dates and the issues of money in a relationship. But here you got a man who is in an actual relationship with a woman he says he loves and all he can think about is her thinning hair and finding her lacking. The message? Women are not allowed to be… Read more »
“I am trying to be supportive but am concerned that I am just that vain. I don’t want to break her heart but I do want to be honest.”
He is a lost cause. He is indeed a man of considerable vanity. As such, her fate has been sealed.
Until he changes his way of thinking, he cannot be truly supportive.
The entirety of the article (maybe save for the plug at the end) is about his changing his way of thinking!
..as a side note, the picture accompanying this article looks an awful lot like my first wife.
Scary how close. I may need a bit of counseling here. Is there a psychiatrist in the house?
You are being too kind, but i understand that is the correct approach. I’m a bit more blunt with men, and yes, I see this way too often in discussion. Guys will come to a board with this complaint (usually weight) and although they should begin to see that deeper intimacy, I wonder how they heck they did not have it to that point. This type of thing is the juice, its the cement that bonds people together. Hotness, good times. they are all easy. Its when it hits the fan that people tend to learn why they were there,… Read more »
Thank you for your post, DJ. I have been struggling with a new relationship since ‘he’ seems to be so hung up on the way women look..and truthfully, he is a Non-Adonis. All he talks about is how his ex wife was a 9 and now she looks like a man..and he could never be attracted to her. And there is so much more he says about women in general. I was on the fence about him..now I know it’s time to end it as it will only cause more anxiety in me. Already he has said a few things… Read more »