My husband left me when I was 49 years old. I had thought we’d be married forever. I had never cheated on him. We’d had some rough times but I thought we’d worked through them.
However, he had a rough two years. His father died, our cat of 21 years died, his mother died, and then I had a mastectomy. Instead of finding a therapist, he had an emotional affair.
He left. I grieved. And then… I started dating again.
I didn’t think I would.
I thought, as a one-breasted, overweight woman approaching 50, I might as well join a convent as date.
But I got plenty of dates. Turns out men are not that superficial. Well, not all of them, anyway.
Surprisingly, some of the men I dated were quite a bit younger. One man was 19. Way too young for me, but I told him we could be friends.
Another man was 42. That was more age appropriate so I went out with him a few times. Then he started talking about dating exclusively. I wasn’t ready for that so I broke it off. After being married for 20 years, I was not in a rush to settle down.
If you’re a woman in her 40s or 50s, or older, and you want to date — go for it. Particularly if you are in good shape for your age, a nice person, and financially secure.
But even if, like me, you are a cancer survivor with extra pounds and not much money, you should go for it. Have some fun. Enjoy life. As long as you’re not dead, you might as well live.
And, remember — if you don’t want to date — then don’t. I have women friends who enjoy hanging out with their girlfriends a lot more than dating. One of my friends is in her 80s and has an active social life with people of all ages — none of it romantic but all of it fulfilling and enjoyable.
I have single women friends who travel. They don’t spend their salaries on children or their houses, they spend it on adventure.
If you are single — prioritize what you want, what you enjoy. Maybe you’re like me and enjoy dating. Then do it. But if you don’t — find what does float your boat. Learn a hobby. Travel. Start a new career. Wear bright colors and high heels. Go dancing. Make your life what you want it to be. Don’t let anyone else hold you back.
I am fighting stage IV cancer. If you can help with medical bills, I would really appreciate it. Or if you enjoy my writing and would like to buy me a cup of coffee, that’s great too. Maybe someday I can return the favor.
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This post was previously published on Shefali O’Hara’s blog.
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