“Hey”
“Hey, what’s up?
“Nm, u?
“Nm either. What are u looking for?”
“Fun.”
What the fuck does that even mean?
. . .
I’ve enjoyed 1 hookup in my life.
And yes, I’ve had more than I’d ever like to admit. After all, I did go to college and travel through the country in my very early 20’s.
The one time I did walk away feeling halfway decent about myself, I threw up in the bathroom afterward. So I’m not sure that counts as good, per say.
I mean, is that even what most of us want?
Is it?
Do you want a sexual partner to leave the minute you’re done so you can get that hit of dopamine? What about when you’re walking away and you’ve got nothing to show for that experience besides a messed up sleep cycle, the desperate need for a shower and the feeling that you wish they actually cared about you?
Oof.
Now, will I ever do it again?
Who knows, I’m human. We’re all human. Whatever.
But at least, in this moment, I’m actually a little disgusted by my own behavior. Especially when I receive messages asking me if I’d like to have “fun.”
You know what’s actually fun?
Laser tag is fun.
Laughing with my friends is fun.
Dancing like a stripper at the bar is fun.
Well, for me it is.
Casual sex isn’t fun for me and I’m done pretending it ever was.
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This post was previously published on P.S. I Love You.
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