It certainly wasn’t always like that.
I don’t know, maybe it was just easier years ago because we spent so much more time together. We usually went to bed at the same time each night and just let things happen naturally.
We had fun. We tried new things. We enjoyed being with each other and I never really thought too much about it. It was OK to simply climb into bed and have a hot night of amazing sex. There wasn’t a need to artificially romanticize every situation. We were able to enjoy pleasure for pleasure’s sake.
Don’t get me wrong, being a romantic at heart I love romance and seduction, but the thing is once upon a time we had both. Then somewhere along the way, everything changed.
I lost my confidence.
I started to question if you were still attracted to me. If you still wanted me.
I didn’t have any reason to, at least thinking back I don’t recall anything that would have given me that impression. My god, you were always the one wanting to introduce new elements to that aspect of our relationship years ago; erotic short stories, sex toys, intimate piercings, watching sexy videos together; just not being afraid to explore different ways to have fun and find pleasure being in one another’s arms.
Looking back, I must have been nuts for not taking advantage of every chance to be intimate with you.
My unfounded fears and low self-worth caused me to waste so many opportunities for us to have been together.
What was I thinking, or was I thinking at all?
Over the last few years, I have seen you become so passionate about your beliefs and your core values and I have come to realize just how much I love you, how much I am still in love with you.
How that translates to me having made so few attempts over these past years at being intimate almost defies explanation.
I think I just way overthink things and more often than not it causes me to simply not do anything at all, paralysis by analysis.
It’s like I feel the need for every time together to be perfect, but why?
There is no such thing as perfection other than the fact that we are perfect for each other and therefore being with you should just come as naturally as saying I love you.
I don’t want to be ruled by fear any longer!!
I want to express my feelings and share my desires with you.
I don’t want to be fearful that I need to “measure up” anymore. I don’t want to constantly be afraid of not being good enough.
I want to start re-discovering each other and having fun again.
I want to start making the most of every opportunity to be together.
I want to start finding creative ways to re-connect with one another each and every day.
This may be a text message sent here, a suggestive email sent there, a cuddle session on the couch while watching Netflix, etc. Maybe it’s the occasional Friday “lunch date”.
I think perhaps the most difficult thing (especially with our crazy schedules) is simply finding the time to be together and re-connect. So much of physical intimacy is the result of a strong emotional bond but when your schedules don’t allow you that time together, it’s easy for that emotional connection to fade away and for you to drift apart.
I love spontaneity and letting these things just happen organically but planning evenings together can be fun too, especially if it gives you some time to be a bit “creative”.
I am still looking forward to spending the rest of our lives together and will try to never squander any more of these opportunities.
I came across a posting online recently that really got me thinking about the fact that I have been waiting so much for that perfect moment to magically appear and when it doesn’t, I never even could get past the starting line. I forgot that perfect moments don’t simply appear, they are the moments you make happen if you want them badly enough.
I miss all those times years ago when we would spend hours on the phone talking, each and every day. Maybe that’s another reason things were easier way back then because we talked about everything and it created such a strong emotional bond between us that I thought could never be broken; I miss it. I miss talking with you. I miss sharing our passions and our dreams with one another. I miss feeling connected with you.
I could just lie beside you all night doing nothing but holding you and talking, and that in and of itself is so intimate. I will continue to work at trying to get us back to that place.
I Want You!!
I Need You!!
I Love You!!
I Miss You!!
As always, thanks for reading!! Be sure to subscribe to my newsletter “Through The Looking Glass” for weekly updates and please follow me on Twitter.
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Previously published on medium
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