You’re just another anonymous person in a white coat. I’ll probably never see you again. It’s just the way it is. As an M.D. Anderson patient for over thirty years now, I’ve seen countless people just like you.
Please treat the encounter as if you are lucky to be present. If possible, make sure I know you’re coming. If you enter the room when I am expecting someone else, it will be an unwelcome surprise. As patients, we don’t like surprises.
Take time to introduce yourself slowly and carefully. Introduce yourself to me and each person in the room. Hand me your business card, so I can visualize and remember your name. If this is not an option, point to your name on your badge. People with medical appointments already have excess cognitive loads: Don’t give us more information to remember.
Start with some kind of silly comment or question. You need to break the ice and show yourself to be a safe person. Learning to build rapport quickly is a key skill. This might seem like a lot of work for someone you will never see again, but it’s part of what you need to do. Something as simple as, “I bet you’re a cat person! Do you have a cat?” or “How long have you been coming to this place?” or “I love that N95 you have on! I wish everyone wore those” works perfectly.
But don’t be like this medical student I met on January 7, 2019, at approximately 10 a.m. (Yes, I remember and keep records!)
Medical student: Have you had other complications from Neurofibromatosis?
Me (laughing): Where do you want me to begin?
Medical student: Never mind.
After you have spent ten minutes or so casually interacting with me, tell me about your background. Tell me where you went to school, what kind of training you have, and what you want to learn. And clearly and carefully explain your role and purpose of being present.
Then, before doing any kind of medical examination or questioning, ask for my permission and provide a rationale. This will help solidify the trust you’ve built. Get full, enthusiastic consent. It’s easy: “Do you mind if we continue with me doing some of the initial exam today?” Make it clear with your words and body language that your presence is optional. Remember, you are a stranger and a visitor.
If I decline, exit the room with a smile and disappear instantly. It’s not personal. It’s just a matter of wanting to interact with those I know and have planned to see today.
If I say sure, proceed but be mindful that you’re a guest. You are there to learn from me and my experiences with Neurofibromatosis. Learn from my knowledge and from my body. Be sure to ask what I want you to know. Patients always know their conditions best. Abandon your medical gaze: Don’t look at me as a specimen.
Take every moment as an opportunity to learn and humanize.
And be sure that I have at least some time with the regular physician without your presence. There may be conversations that, as a new and in-training physician who I will never see again, are just between me and the person I planned to see and will see again.
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