“There is no doubt; even a rejection can be the shadow of a caress”.” — José Ortega y Gasset
There are days I write and days I collect.
When I write I am creating ideas from the season in my mind. Some days it sunny and fragrant, others it is cold and damp and my words carry that smell.
But there are also days I like to walk through the library of other people’s minds and collecting their wisdom and wisecracks that I wish to put into my notebook. Like flowers and leaves preserved for their perfumes memory.
Today I wanted to reflect on the pain and fear of rejection that we all know and therefore avoid. I want to suggest that instead of closing ourselves to rejection and living safe cookie-cutter lives, we should welcome them and see what they teach or reveal. Here are a few gems I found on my walks today with my own comments as we go along.
1. Rejection is an act of gaining freedom.
Rejection is defined as a person or thing dismissed as inadequate or unacceptable.’ Being dismissed as inadequate or unacceptable hurts our ego. It makes us attach pain to the act of detachment by another person. But this attachment can sometimes force us to live false lives and wear false faces. Just to avoid being rejected. We keep that high-status job even though it is making us miserable and bored. We keep that sibling connection even when they make no attempt to show their love. We persist in being together even when all they shower is selfishness and frustration at every opportunity.
It’s hard to get rejected. It hurts like hell. For a while. But it’s far better than drowning your independence and self-respect. That one kills.
2. Rejection leads to action. And action leads to learning. And learning leads to growth. And growth leads to confidence.
We fear rejection and that can freeze us into inaction. It can make us procrastinate endlessly. It can dim our confidence. It can make us feel shy and meek. So we don’t ask her out. Don’t apply for that job. Don’t sign up for that audition. Fearing that we might fail, make a fool of ourselves, fall short.
But what if you learned something from it? What if you found out that you had a hidden talent, discovered that she would like to go out with you, that the job was not what you wanted, What if the fear of rejection led to action that made you better and helped you get what you feared…
Rejection is one of the outcomes of taking action. Action has many benefits. Inaction has just one, it’s called regret.
3. Getting rejected is not your problem. Not trying is.
You can’t predict how the world will receive your intentions and actions. You can only control the authenticity of your actions. You can only trust the strength of your effort. The conviction of your imagination.
Rejection is a way to test that imagination in the school of life. Not everything that you want is good for you. We know that. You somehow always get what you are in life. You somehow always manifest what’s right for the bigger picture of your life. In hindsight, if all my dreams had come true, I would be dead and divorced by now. A few years ago, I was rejected for a job I was desperate for. It hurt like hell at the time. But a year later I found out that the person who got the job I wanted, got divorced and committed suicide due to work pressures.
So rejection is a way of experimenting with the universe. It’s a way to test the way your river is going to flow.
4. Rejection is a filter that removes the repellants from your life.
Rejection is someone or something choosing something else over you. That is like life helping you filter negative energy away from you. People are like actors on stage and there are only two kinds; those who radiate and those who suck. When someone rejects you, they are choosing to filter themselves away from your energy field. Leaving you free to attract those that want to be with you.
Never confuse rejection with a decision. You are both equal.
5. Rejection gives you a precious gift — Courage.
We can live an unrejected life. If we want.
We can choose the easy courses, the safe jobs, the arranged wife and the faithful entertainments. Or we can risk love, dare to question, ask for that raise, make that difficult promise and see where the chips fall.
Rejection is a sign that you are forging your unique path. You are not afraid to ask for more. You are choosing to make your life vs. accept your life.
Coda:
Rejection should never be left alone. Push that stone until it stops blocking your energy. Rejection is an experiment between you and the universe to help you shape your destiny. The fear of rejection is an attempt of your ego to give itself importance and we both know that the ego is just a little radar on our ship that spots trouble. Rejection is not trouble. It’s a gift.
Pick it up.
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This post was previously published on Change Becomes You.
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