Being romantic, writes Eddy Baller, is being attentive, considerate and passionate. None of which makes you less of a man.
Cozily seated at a classy uptown restaurant, nestled in the corner of a heated patio booth with my sweetheart, I watched a man and woman trying to cross the street. There was a small break in traffic and this dude takes off like the road runner, alone. He left his girlfriend with a not so impressed look on her face as she stood there waiting for another opportunity to cross. The perfect example of doing it wrong.
It’s time to step up and be a man like you’ve never been before, because you haven’t been. Stop being an amateur and become a professional in your relationships.
Gentlemen do exist, they’ve just been put into stasis tubes waiting to be sent into space on Elon Musk’s mission to populate Mars. Let’s repopulate this planet with some manners and maybe a little romance.
Too much douchery has replaced chivalry. Guys read dumb books talking about being alpha, or some other nerdy fantasies, and then they go about their lives acting like jerks because they think women will like it. This is the exact opposite of being real, and it’s the wrong way to connect with women.
A man can lead without controlling. Be romantic, not a sap. He can be dominant and not domineering. A man with a capital M cares about his partners needs and acts accordingly, always conscious of the situation.
The Basics Of Relationship Etiquette For A Man With A Capital M:
So simple, so easy. Just open the damn door and let her in ahead of you. I’ve seen way too many knights of douche-hood lumber in through a door ahead of their girlfriends as if they were escorting cargo.
Don’t stand there with a stupid look on your face when you’re deciding what to do. I don’t know, what do you want to do? is probably one of the worst questions a man could ever ask his partner. You can engage with your partner as equals and still be a leader by being considerate yet decisive.
If you make a promise that means you keep it, no exceptions. People will notice if you are not consistent, if you “exaggerate” or don’t follow through with what you said you were going to do. Practice radical honesty and become known for your word.
Ask Her Out
This isn’t just for dating, ask her out when you’re already in a relationship. Even if you’ve been married for 10 years, a date will keep your relationship exciting.
Focus On Your Partner
Don’t yap about yourself all night. Focus on her dreams, her wants, and the conversation will go your way soon enough.
It’s not something that’s crafted to get a reaction, it has to come straight from your heart. Compliment her on occasion, but don’t go overboard. Complements lose their efficacy just like caffeine if you use them too often, or too much.
I go hiking with my girlfriend on a regular basis. She’s awesome and can usually keep up, but there are some difficult areas where long legs have a major advantage. Instead of charging ahead like a wolverine I stop and wait, and assist where necessary. That’s the standard, and it’s also a team effort. Don’t charge off just because you’re faster, a little consideration speaks volumes.
Kiss With Passion
Your Grandmas peck on the cheeks is not a good standard for the way you should kiss your girlfriend, neither is the porn you watch online. When you kiss, even when it’s quick, really feel it. Grab her hips and pull her tightly against you, feel the kiss and experience the moment.
It is better to say it with a kiss than to talk all day about how much you care. Kiss often and everywhere.
Appreciation shows and it’s easy to show it with your eyes. If you look at cars with more enthusiasm and love then it’s time to reconnect.
Send her a text or even a real paper letter randomly. Make it about her and keep it simple, short, and sweet. Maybe surprise her on occasion with something that is a little more well thought out. This doesn’t mean spending money, it means paying attention to the small things which she enjoys.
Touch Her Softly
Learn to be more sensitive physically. Touch her softly at the right times to create special moments. On the back of her neck, her hair, around the small of her back, on her hands. Touch is reassuring and demonstrates a warm personality, it also shows that you care.
Your hands will be in big demand if you know how to use them. Just like with sex, you will have to pay attention to what works, and practice till you become amazing. Note: Just squeezing her muscles randomly and without attention doesn’t count, learn the craft.
Share Your Mind
Go deep. Tell her about your passions, about how you imagine life, your goals, and include her in the picture.
The Pitfalls To Avoid
Being a gentleman and a romantic doesn’t mean you’re a doormat and jump when she says jump. Women don’t respect that, nobody does. The opposite end of the spectrum from the douche with no manners is the guy with no balls, the human doormat.
The human doormat doesn’t stand up for himself or set boundaries. He is always avoiding conflict, and in the end he will bore his girlfriend or wife to death.
Being a man means you learn when to be firm and when to give in. Sometimes you give, sometimes you receive, but you always command respect, and you give respect too. A successful long term relationship demands it.
The very essence of romance is uncertainty.
– Oscar Wilde
Looking for a relationship? The Good Men Project promises to have a really good one with your inbox. Sign up for our daily or weekly newsletter here.
Photo: baileysjunk / flickr