To cut a long story short you lost your mind
This article is for all those empaths on the final leg of narcissistic abuse recovery; those who’ve had their brains compromised, minds tormented, nervous systems pulverised, immune systems obliterated, finances decimated, relationships fractured, and psyches hijacked.
You’ve likely spent years being counselled, analysed, and doubted by therapists and doctors. Your life has been dominated by fighting, resisting, avoiding, protesting, processing, researching, intellectualising, discussing, and suffering narc abuse. If you’re lucky, you may have a few friends or allies left, or maybe you just have one — you.
You might be close to giving up. DO! Do give up; surrender is a VITAL part of recovery. Surrender will lead to a breakthrough; when you least expect it, the breakthrough will come and you’ll finally be done with narc abuse.
You could be quietly drinking your morning coffee, watching a contemplative film, or listening to a piece of music. You could be walking down the street gazing blankly at a shop window. You could be on the loo.
No matter what the event, when enough space has been cleared in your brain, a breakthrough will come, just like clouds parting to reveal the sun… and for a split second the gaslighting, word salad-ing, bullshitting, manipulative tyranny of the narc will recede and YOU will appear.
Welcome back!
You probably won’t recognise yourself. You may resemble a hollow shell; a shadow of your former self. Therefore, it’s vital at this point to call back all the exiled parts of you that were abandoned due to narc abuse. The parts that obediently fawned, froze, and fled for years in order to protect you. Gently call them back in and synthesise these frightened parts into your entire being, because you’’re going to need EVERY part of you to become whole again.
It’s a good idea to conduct some sort of ritual to mark the end of the abuse. It could be writing down your entire story then burning it; running up a hill and primal screaming until you lose your voice; thrashing about the living room to heavy metal.
Once you’ve fully exorcised the narc from your system and made enough room to fit your entire being back in, your life will change. It will become all about you again. Not you as you were before this nightmare began; not your fantasy ‘best self’, but you as you are NOW.
From this moment forward, make a solemn vow never to sublimate yourself, your lifestyle, or your sacred being for a soulless, fake bully again. Tell yourself every day that you are enough.
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Below are some links, resources and rituals which may aid your recovery.
1. Medium Articles:
Links to my ‘Empath Strikes Back’ Series:
The Empath Fights Back
Understanding and healing narcissistic abuse,
medium.com
The Empath Fights Back (Part 2)
5 recovery tips for narcissistic abuse.
medium.com
The Empath Fights Back (Part 3)
The missing link between emotional thinking and narc abuse
medium.com
The Empath Fights Back, Again
More recovery tips for narc abuse victims
medium.com
2. Additional Resources:
- Articles from Goop:
‘When It’s All About Them’:
https://goop.com/gb-en/wellness/relationships/when-its-all-about-them-being-involved-with-a-narcissist/
‘The Legacy of a Narcissistic Parent’:
https://goop.com/gb-en/wellness/relationships/the-legacy-of-a-narcissistic-parent/
- Dr Ramani on Youtube:
‘Moving From Victim to Survivor to Thriver’: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lPaXhKfoM8E - Recovery book:
You Can Thrive After Narcissistic Abuse: The #1 System for Recovering from Toxic Relationships’ — Melanie Tonia Evans
3. Cord Removal Process:
If you’re still really struggling to extract the narc, try a chord removal process — there are plenty listed on Youtube and highly effective if done with intent. (Just remember to focus on yourself, not the narc, during the visualisation).
A Quick Reminder:
You are an empath; empaths are always enough. It is not your life’s work to fix narcissism. Focus on your own recovery.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
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Photo credit: mohammed metri unsplash