Giving and receiving occur in all loving relationships in an ebb and flow of exchange. As part of a healthy, nurturing relationship, this is achieved by an equal distribution of power that alternates between the two individuals. It is not suitable for the lifetime of a partnership when this flow becomes imbalanced, like when one of the partners begins to be selfish in the relationship.
One way to realize what a selfish partner does in a relationship is to introspect. Some of the selfish things you would do as a partner include:
1.) You are always talking
In a discussion, you are the one who does the majority of the talking. After a discussion, you realize that you haven’t inquired about the other person, what they think, how they’re doing, or how they could perceive things in a different light than you have. You’re ready to jump in and not pay attention to what your partner says whenever someone says something. Instead of listening and tuning in, you’re paying attention to your thoughts and feelings. Your thoughts are preoccupied with yourself rather than with others.
It is something that happens to the majority of us. The drive to connect or obtain validation, which is normal and expected when you’re a person, might cause this behavior to occur. In doing so, we, on the other hand, close off any opportunities for meaningful connections with others. As a result, we surely don’t add value to the lives of others.
2.) You must always be correct.
When you have to be correct, others will inevitably be incorrect. Even if they are in the wrong, you place them in an untenable predicament if you concentrate your efforts on establishing your correctness. They are undervalued due to being denied the opportunity to express themselves, and you have risen to the position of primary significance. Your lack of room to examine what you cannot see for yourself also means that you are cutting short any chance for personal growth or learning that you would otherwise have gotten out of the situation.
Because of your need to be correct, you may be quick to point the finger at others and assign blame, even if the problem is the product of your actions. Those who are always correct are prone to denial and live in a state of stagnant motion. They are adamant about not taking responsibility for anything they have done wrong.
3.) Being quick to react
As soon as someone accuses you of doing something, you immediately deny it. Describe the situation. It must get defended. It is easy for you to feel enraged or wounded by what others have done. You’re easily offended, aren’t you? You allow this insult to fester within you without their realizing it, therefore increasing your self-focus.
Signs of being too fast to respond include rage, harsh verbal attacks, snarky remarks, laughing at others, blaming others for your actions, and failing to defend your actions. Other signs include gossiping, justifying yourself, and disputing.
4.) You want things done your way.
When people don’t behave the way you want them to, you become easily annoyed. Alternatively, when you do not receive what you expect. It might happen with your children, spouse, or even friends and acquaintances. Other people who may have done this to you include the person in a line or the person who just brought you lunch. In response to someone getting in your way, cutting you off in traffic, taking too long, or failing to ring up your order in the manner you desired, you are either solid and demanding or whining and moaning. Whenever you insist on having your way, you reject other people’s desires or needs.
5.) You downplay your actions.
When you commit a mistake, you look for a method to make it right, but you do so with incorrect incentives. You don’t do it to take responsibility for your influence on another individual. Instead, you do it so that you will not have to endure the weight of failure or deal with the repercussions of your actions. When someone tells you how much you have wounded them, you persuade them that it wasn’t so awful.
6.) You are not patient with your partner.
If your partner does not answer your text or voice mail within a short period, you feel irritated. Alternatively, if they do not heed your counsel, you may become uncomfortable with them. All of these things point to a lack of patience on your part. Furthermore, a lack of patience with your partner indicates that you are being selfish in your relationship. It is unhealthy and detrimental to be in a controlling relationship because, in addition to feeling the need to take control over your actions as a pair, you also feel the need to exert control over your partner’s actions.
Takeaway
Once you can realize the behaviors you do that are selfish, it becomes easy to spot when a partner is being narcissistic. When making decisions, your partner should respect your point of view, have a team approach, and consider the entire relationship. It is as essential for you to be happy as it is for them to be satisfied when you are with an excellent spouse. In every good relationship, the ability to make concessions is crucial. If your spouse doesn’t care about your viewpoint, isn’t ready to accept “no” as an answer, or uses guilt trips to force you to make decisions, you should be concerned. It would be best if you didn’t have to persuade your spouse to join you in your interests, whether it’s going on a trip to a destination you’ve been wanting to visit or trying a new restaurant for supper.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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