Being in a happy relationship in this age of the internet is becoming more challenging every day. Social media plays a significant role in marriages; not only has the internet robbed couples of their time but it has also brought about ideas on marriage that could harm your marriage.
It’s not odd to find tips on how a successful marriage should be or why you should forgive your partner for cheating written by some self-proclaimed online marriage counselors. Although many of the suggestions you find are practical, some of them are just as misleading. Here are some tips you can use to make your marriage successful in this age.
To be together is your choice.
There is no better feeling than when you are with a person for the right reasons. Many people admit having married for the wrong reasons which led to their marriages ending prematurely. Marry someone because you love being with them. A study on divorced people had most of them admitting their marriages ended because they got married for the wrong reasons. Religion, pressure from both friends and family, and age were some of their reasons for marrying their exes.
Have realistic expectations about relationships and marriage.
One of the biggest lies newlyweds get is that as long as you love each other, you will live happily ever after. The truth is, your marriage will go through ups and downs no matter how much you love each other. There are days you will struggle to keep it afloat, and there are others when you consider yourself the luckiest person alive. Don’t expect your partner to know what you want magically, tell them.
Sex matters, undoubtedly!
Yes, sex does matter. It is tied to your emotions. When the relationship is good, your sex life will be just as good and vice versa. The best indicator there might be problems in your marriage is when the sex starts to lose its appeal. Having sex improves your overall well-being.
Talk openly about everything that you dislike.
Communication is an essential factor for any relationship to thrive. Your partner is the one person you should be able to trust and talk to about anything. Talking, especially about the unpleasant things, like your insecurities are healing. Many people in successful marriages confess that they speak with their partner about everything. If something bothers you, you should be able to talk it out with your partner.
A healthy relationship means two healthy individuals.
Many are the times you will hear something like, love your kids or partner more than you do yourself. Make sacrifices to make them happy before you make some for yourself. Although it’s not wrong to love them, you should love yourself just as much. Find ways to make you happy too. As the statement states, a healthy relationship is two healthy individuals. That means two people with different identities and interests. Co-dependence is unhealthy in a relationship. Develop your own interests and don’t rely on your partner for happiness.
Give each other time and space.
When one partner asks the other to give them space, it triggers a lot of unpleasant thoughts including that the other is angry or worse, he/she wants to break up. However, giving each other space is a good thing. Spending some time apart can be healthy for your relationship. You get a chance to think through any issues that your relationship may be going through; you develop different interests and develop individually. However, too much time spent apart to the extent that the relationship starts to suffer should be addressed. Talk it out with your partner and decide where you want the relationship to go.
You and your partner will grow and change in unexpected ways; embrace it.
Marriage is supposed to be for the long-term. You can’t be the same way you were when you first married 20 or 30 years down the line. You will change and sometimes in such unexpected ways that you might feel like different people. You might get new habits, change religions or even move countries. Expect change and embrace it because that’s normal. Support and respect your partner however they are.
Argue your point respectfully
Arguments are typical for any relationship. You are two different people with different opinions, beliefs, and goals; of course, there will be conflict. You will hear some people saying that arguing is a sign that you are in a bad marriage. However, arguments are healthy for your relationship. It’s when you get to know the other person’s honest opinion. Unhealthy arguing is when one person is always right while the other is always wrong. You should respect your partner’s views.
Forgive each other.
In a marriage, there’s no winning an argument. If you end up being right in an argument, don’t rub it in your partner’s face. Marriage is not about compromise. Compromising leaves one partner dissatisfied and resentment may stem from such a situation. One way to get good at forgiving in your marriage is to recognize that in marriage you are partners and none of you should be trying to score points in an argument and that there is no winning in the argument. Also, once an argument is over, it should be really over with none of the partners bringing it up again. Finally, argue only if you must. Some things are not worth you getting mad.
Add little features to the whole picture.
The little things you do mean a lot. If you have been with your partner for a long time, you might forget to do the small things you used to do when you were still dating. Go out for walks, travel the world together, take each other out for dinner, profess your love for each other and talk about your day. These little things are the ones that matter. You don’t want to wake up years from now with nothing to talk to your partner about. Give your partner and marriage the priority they deserve.
The main thing is not communication, but respect.
The notion that communication is the key to a successful marriage is wrong. There are times you might not feel so in love with your partner. During arguments you might feel like talking to your partner won’t make it work. In such days only respect will save the relationship. When there is no respect in a relationship, everything else follows out the window. No amount of love from your partner or talking will save it. Respect for each other is what makes you loyal and faithful to your spouse. It’s what prevents you from abusing them. Once that is gone, your marriage is as good as done. Respect each other.
Although the web does have a lot of advice for married people, some are just not practical or realistic. Before following any suggestions, think critically and consider what effect such recommendations will have on your marriage.
What’s your take on what you just read? Comment below or write a response and submit to us your own point of view or reaction here at the red box, below, which links to our submissions portal.
Are you a first-time contributor to The Good Men Project? Submit here:
Have you contributed before and have a Submittable account? Use our Quick Submit link here:
Do you have previously published work that you would like to syndicate on The Good Men Project? Click here:
Got Writer’s Block?
We are a participatory media company. Join us.
Participate with the rest of the world, with the things your write and the things you say, and help co-create the world you want to live in.
If you believe in the work we are doing here at The Good Men Project, please join us as a Premium Member, today.
All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS.
Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here.
Photo credit: Getty Images