Sexual addiction and compulsivity is a vice affecting men and women, people of all races, socioeconomic backgrounds, sexual persuasions and religions.
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Not long ago, I was reading one of my favorite magazines that is primarily geared toward Generation X men. As usual, there were a number of interesting and provocative stories in the magazine. This issue did not disappoint. One article in particular drew my attention. The piece in question discuses the issue of men and sex addiction. The article was a riveting account of testimonies from men of varied ages, mostly late 20’s to mid 50’s whose entire lives and livelihoods had been crippled by their addiction to sexual compulsion. Some of the men lost their marriages, families, friends (one was sleeping with his next door neighbor’s wife), their careers etc… Not surprisingly, a few became infected with diseases, some fatal such as HIV. Very traumatic and troubling situations.
The fact is that sexual addiction is a disease that is a slowly, but surely growing epidemic in American society. Given the varied methods that have been used to determine what accounts for sexual addiction, precise statistics as to its level of prevalence are difficult to determine. Nonetheless, it is estimated that between three percent and six percent of Americans suffer from some form of sex addiction, according to the National Association of Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity. It is a vice that affects men and women, people of all races, socioeconomic backgrounds, sexual persuasions and religions.
Some psychiatrists and sex therapists argue that there are a number of factors that can result in a person devolving into a cycle of sexual obsession and dysfunction. A traumatic childhood, excessive drug use and social insecurity are just a few examples. Some sexologists and other sex experts argue that a person’s genetic composition can be a factor in their sexual addiction. To be blunt, being a sexaholic can be in a person’s DNA. Regardless, for its victims, it can result in a traumatic life of risk and frustration.
While the signs can be multiple and varied, among the most prominent symptoms are:
- Chronic, obsessive sexual thoughts and fantasies
- Using sex seductively
- Trading sex for money
- Voyeurism
- Addiction to pornography or cybersex
- Exploiting other for sex
- Having intrusive sex
- Relations with multiple partners on a frequent basis, especially with strangers
- Compulsive masturbation
- Preoccupation with having sex, even when it interferes with daily life, productivity, work performance, etc.
- Inability to stop compulsive sexual behaviors or restrain sexual activity
- Putting oneself or others in danger due to sexual behavior
- Engaging in illegal sexual activity with prostitutes, minors, or children
- Need for dominance and control in sexual liaisons
- Feeling remorse or guilt after sexual episodes
- Negative personal or professional consequences due to sexual behavior
The fact is that sex addicts often get a sense of euphoria that goes beyond the average person who has a normal or healthy sexual appetite. For addicts, the sexual experience is not about intimacy. On the contrary, they (addicts) use sexual activity to seek pleasure, avoid unpleasant situations, suppress feelings or respond to external pressures such as work difficulties or interpersonal problems. Similar to those who suffer from alcoholism, the pleasure gained from such brief experiences soon evaporates, and, in a number of cases, feelings of depression and guilt can set in. Unfortunately, the cycle of denial often repeats itself again. To be sure, sex addiction is not confined to average Joes, your neighbor, drinking buddy, racquetball partner, or the guy down the street.. A number of celebrities and politicians such as Michael Douglas, Kanye West, Tiger Woods, Tom Sizemore, Charlie Sheen, David Duchovny, Eric Benet and Russell Brand are just a few prominent public figures who have been linked to the disorder.
The fact is that all is not lost to those stricken by sexual obsession. If you in fact, are suffering from sexual addiction, you should do the following:
- Get support—Contact a specialist, counselor, seek help from your partner etc… to combat the problem
- Avoid triggers—Avoid places or situations that will likely trigger your sexual urges. Failure to do so will likely cause you to either continue or relapse into addictive behavior
- Accept your problem—Stop the denial. Admit that you have a problem. The sooner you acknowledge this fact, the better your odds of conquering the issue
- Join an outside support group—You are not alone. Consider reaching out to a community support group
- Seek help—A professional can help you gain control of your addiction and move forward
There is no doubt that, in our age of deadly sexually transmitted diseases, sexual addiction is a form of dysfunction that can potentially destroy a person physically, psychologically and mentally. Those who struggle and suffer with such a powerful and tormenting disorder (male, female, transgender etc…) must make an effort to combat it through whatever acceptable means necessary. It just might save your life. Literally.
NOTE: For those who desire or are need of assistance in conquering their sexual addiction, contact the following:
Addictions – 1-(800)- 654-0987
Prescott House – 1-(800)-425-4673
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Photo credit: Getty Images
Good!!!
I don’t completely agree with the author as far as negative outcomes of sex addictions are concerned, as I believe that sex addiction is unlike other addictions and it’s a kind of reflection of some extra energy hidden in you. That energy should be harnessed and used for our growth and accomplishments. Don’t allow this extra energy to push you towards the uncontrollable spiral of compulsive sexual behavior. Seek support and see a therapist, as soon as possible. Don’t allow your sex addiction to ruin your personal life, finances, or career. Don’t compromise with your self-respect. If you feel you… Read more »
You understood what I was trying to say. By no means was I saying that no one should enjoy sex. Quite the contrary. Sex and sexuality is and can be healthy and pleasurable part of life. The point of my article was that for some people sex can be an addiction like alcohol, tobacco, food, drugs etc… An addiction to anything, including sex, can be potentially dangerous. The fact is that some people are sex addicts and it has had a detrimental impact on their lives and in some cases, it has affected others who are a part of their… Read more »
I don’t completely agree with the author here especially when he talks about sex in an insensitive manner. We can’t act like a moral police and can’t liken it to other addictions. However, I agree with him that our family members should be involved in the recovery program. I contacted a therapist through http://www.therapytribe.com , and it worked for me.
This article is incredibly troubling, and I’m disappointed with GMP for publishing it. “The article was a riveting account of testimonies from men of varied ages, mostly late 20’s to mid 50’s whose entire lives and livelihoods had been crippled by their addiction to sexual compulsion. Some of the men lost their marriages, families, friends (one was sleeping with his next door neighbor’s wife), their careers etc… Not surprisingly, a few became infected with diseases, some fatal such as HIV. Very traumatic and troubling situations.” Do you know what causes compulsion, lying, hiding, lack of protection in sexual situations, and… Read more »
THank you for the well written and well thought out article. I would encourage anyone seeking information on sex addiction to look at either SLAA or SAA. Both are 12 step recovery programs and have daily phone meetings and meetings around the world.
Thank you.
Elwood Watson, Ph.D.
Author of article.
I’m not sure but I get a feeling you may get some grief about this. Not from me because I work in the addiction field and we talk about it as being a cross addiction.
We live in a sexualized society where sex, in and of itself, no matter how much is socially acceptable. Heck in some areas, society of providing sex education to small children in grade school.
Tom
Maybe I misunderstand you.
Do you mean sex education a bad thing?