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Has the Internet skewed some men’s behaviors toward narcissism and misogyny?
No, this isn’t a Luddite screed declaring the Internet is the Devil. No, this isn’t a prudist rant about the “evils” of pornography. I’m a staunch believer in unrestricted access to information, and I abhor censorship.
I researched and wrote this article because of a question that kept occurring to me during my recent online interactions with Men Going Their Own Way (MGTOW), trolls, and actual rational human beings in the so-called “manosphere.”
Here’s the question: Why do many men seem to be so smugly certain about the world and the roles they believe women should play in the world?
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As I’ve written before, not all MGTOWs or men’s rights activists (MRAs) have the same viewpoint or motivations for their beliefs. Some men have more extreme views, and very often the most zealous followers of a doctrine are the loudest.
Instead of blanketly dismissing my fellow men as “misogynistic assholes,” I started digging into the possible reasons behind the apparent narcissism and frustrated sexuality that seem to lurk below the surface of some men online.
Have many men been legitimately hurt by bad relationships with women? Of course. And in their pain, they, like any other human being, seek to answer “why did this happen to me?” We crave meaning. Unfortunately, this craving can lead us to grasp at any readily available explanation.
What “better” source than the Internet in the modern world for finding explanations for our ills? Nothing ever goes wrong when googling, say, disease symptoms or the true nature of reality, right?
The Internet, like any human tool, can be used for our betterment or detriment. It did indeed “democratize” information and allows us to connect with different (and distant) people and perspectives. However, it can also be a means of segregating ourselves into insular, intolerant echo chambers rife with confirmation bias.
It doesn’t matter if you’re wielding a Neolithic spear or a laptop: the results of your actions depend on how you use the tool. There are also the consequences of that usage, which in effect is the tool itself using us. Once we’ve adopted a technology, we don’t often give it up easily, and it eventually changes us as we adapt to its existence.
So, how are men using the Internet, and how is it changing us?
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The Men Who Would Be Gods
In March 1946 a story titled “A Logic Named Joe” was published. The tale is credited with predicting networked computers (and, by extension, the Internet), because in the story “logics” are computer-like devices that can be used to gather information.
One of the logics, nicknamed Joe, has a flaw that allows it to give people unrestricted access to all information ever assembled. Sound familiar? A repairman manages to fix Joe before civilization collapses.
One wonders what the story’s author, Murray Leinster, would think of the Internet. Could unlimited access to information be our downfall?
A study published in 2015 suggested that searching for information online can make us overestimate our own knowledge. Easier and easier access to the Internet is blurring the lines between what we actually know and what we think we know.
There are many reasons why people act terribly toward each other online, from the lack of social consequences due to anonymity to the lure of getting likes for a snarky comment at someone else’s expense. Now there’s growing evidence that access to limitless data is also contributing to the bloating of our egos.
Is this part of the reason we have an explosion in trolls, because too many men think their Internet-gained knowledge is their own? What would happen if this “false omniscience” disappeared? One thing is clear, however: right now, we could use more omnibenevolence and less omniscience. Too bad infinite information doesn’t automatically come with infinite wisdom.
This may be compounded with the desperation of men in bad life situations seeking the comfort of certainty. Convincing yourself that you know the “universal truth” of how the world works provides a sense of security. But it can lead to a limiting viewpoint that depends on other people being “lesser” than you if they don’t conform to your worldview.
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All The World’s a Porno
Perhaps more worrisome than digitally inflated narcissism is the potential for ubiquitous pornography to subconsciously shape the male perception of women. There is little argument that today we’re bombarded with a glut of digital stimuli. Such sensory oversaturation can lead to desensitization and unrealistic expectations as to how the world works.
The extremists among the manosphere seem to have developed such unrealistic and unforgiving expectations of women. When you’re constantly inundated with images of women who throw themselves at men and engage in wild sexual activity, is it any wonder that the more impressionable among us start to believe that’s how reality operates?
Is it any wonder many manosphere zealots buy into a twisted mythology that depicts all women as having “ridden on the c*ck carousel”? Is it any wonder that many men have begun to believe they are entitled to sex, and blame women for inflicting them with “involuntary celibacy”?
Some may claim that this is just good-old-fashioned chauvinism. But this new online incarnation of misogyny has leaped into meaner, nastier territory. The vitriol toward women I’ve encountered online can be disturbing in its viciousness.
Again, I’m a believer in personal responsibility, not censorship. I’m not calling for an end to porn (as if that were even possible). But we must admit that the human mind is still catching up to our technology. We can’t predict exactly how the Internet is already shaping our mental evolution.
Therefore, I’m suggesting men take a step back from their digital lives on a regular basis to examine their worldview. All of us, from time to time, need to reexamine our beliefs and remember that what we see online is not the whole of reality. This may seem obvious, but how often do we actually unplug ourselves?
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The Hero Mindset vs. Information Overload
Yes, we don’t yet fully understand (if we ever will) the long-term implications of the Internet’s existence. But I think we’re starting to see some deleterious effects, as evidenced by increasingly arrogant men who think they’re the center of the universe.
There is no doubt the media we create can influence how we see ourselves, the world, and ourselves in relation to the world. Therefore, it’s more imperative than ever to be mindful of our thoughts, emotions, and beliefs.
Self-awareness and a dose of healthy self-doubt is part of the heroic mindset. We need to be critical of our own ideas and put them to one particularly vital test: humility. If your self-worth is in any way dependent on someone else being inferior to you, this is a sure sign of villainy. The heroic path is one of tolerance and service to others.
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Yes, the uncertainty of the world can be intimidating, but it also provides opportunity. That’s the trade-off of free will: there can never be total certainty, but we make up for it in self-determinism.
So, what are you waiting for? You’ve finished reading this article. Turn off that device and digitally detox for a while!
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