“Manners maketh man.” – William Horman
I’d heard this quote way before the first Kingsman movie popularized it. The first time I heard it, I was seated in my grandma’s kitchen watching as she mixed up a fresh batch of bread dough in her Bosch mixer – while berating me for my poor manners. Being a young boy with ambitions of becoming a man someday, I eagerly absorbed her wisdom. The quote made such a strong impression on me that I never forgot it.
When I became a parent years later, I vowed to be a good father and to teach my children all the manners they needed to become respectful and respected adults. My wife and I even created a handy manners checklist to help us assess how our kids’ manners measured up.
The list included essential manners we felt all teens should know such as:
- Saying “please” and “thank you”.
- Offering a sincere apology after doing something wrong.
- Writing thank you notes to those who give them gifts. In this era of emails and texts, handwritten notes have a certain charm to them.
- Proper mealtime etiquette ranging from setting the table to appropriate meal conversations and everything in between.
- Saying “excuse me” if you need to get someone’s attention or when you accidentally bump into someone.
- Asking permission first whenever you’re in doubt about doing something. This can prevent a lot of grief later on.
- Conversation etiquette like not interrupting others, using the right amount of eye contact and the appropriate tone of voice, among others.
- Respecting people’s personal space and avoiding inappropriate physical contact with others.
- Knocking on closed doors- and waiting for a response- before entering.
- How to greet people (making eye contact, firm handshake etc.) and make introductions. It’s respectful to address adults as Mr., Mrs., Miss, Sir or Ma’am, regardless of how old-fashioned it sounds.
- Cellphone etiquette – in this digital era, it is crucial for teens to know when and where it’s appropriate to use their cellphones
- Not littering and learning how to recycle.
- Being polite and using appropriate language.
- Good sportsmanship. In addition to being a good team player, one should also be humble in victory and gracious in defeat.
- Being respectful and mindful of others around you- don’t shout or needlessly raise your voice, don’t play your music too loud, don’t block the sidewalk when out with your friends etc.
- Not making negative comments about people’s physical characteristics and not making fun of others.
- Being mindful of your behavior when visiting other people’s homes.
- Offering a helping hand, where possible, to those who need it.
Getting Teens To Use Good Manners
Your kids pick up habits from you so other than explaining the kind of behavior you expect, make a point of setting a good example for them to emulate. Additionally, giving them opportunities to practice their manners and also following through with appropriate consequences helps to reinforce good behavior.
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